Separation = Secrets, lying and spying

FizzledOut

ooooo BarbieDoll! Love it!

Mely

Xhale wrote: »

Barbiedoll it reminds me what I did. We have a family photograph (whole extended family and irreplaceable. I stuck homer simpsons head over his face on the picture makes everyone laugh when they see it.

My friend stuck Ian Beales head over her ex`s.....:rotfl:

FatVonD

If a counsellor ever suggested I give a would-be cheating husband 'the gift of not being angry' I think they'd find themselves on the wrong end of my anger if not my fist

FizzledOut

During the Relate session (introductory session) the counsellor laughed with him at something he said. I think that's where I became - not hostile, exactly, but - what the heck in that situation could possibly be seen to be funny - I'm there in tears, and the two of them having a little giggle. Horrible.

pelirocco

FizzledOut wrote: »

During the Relate session (introductory session) the counsellor laughed with him at something he said. I think that's where I became - not hostile, exactly, but - what the heck in that situation could possibly be seen to be funny - I'm there in tears, and the two of them having a little giggle. Horrible.

Not to mention unprofessional

Mrs_Huggett

FizzledOut wrote: »

During the Relate session (introductory session) the counsellor laughed with him at something he said. I think that's where I became - not hostile, exactly, but - what the heck in that situation could possibly be seen to be funny - I'm there in tears, and the two of them having a little giggle. Horrible.

When you are feeling strong enough, do everyone a favour and place a complaint about this person, I have read your thread with interest, and I am wishing you all the very best, I went through a break up 23 years ago, but it was the best thing that happened to me, so there is always hope my love.

FizzledOut

I know some will think I'm flogging a dead horse here, but a tiny update for those (still) interested ....

I've really appreciated all the advice (even the harsh stuff - the half hearted cuddle back is a sign he cant bear to be to close to you, and would rather poke a pin in his eyes than show you affection) and have logged on to read advice offered to others. Having just read "Gutted", I've had a huge Light Bulb Moment - this is what my husband has been doing. Huge LBM!!! HUGE! I feel physically ill (am at work too, spent ten mins in the ladies, colleagues prob think I'm having a cry over recent separation). Sexting!

Over this stupidness my husband has walked away from our 23 year marriage (27 years together), lost my respect, the respect of our mutual friends, his place in our home, upset our small family, upset his 78 year old mother, and my family - nieces who loved him.

Solicitor has advised we sell our home, pay off the mortgage, pay off the two large bank loans and split the money that is left. For pervy text messages?!?!?!?!?

I found (I don't consider it spying when he's already admitted to a relationship with a woman) his phone bills with hundreds of texts (over 30 in a day, early morning, late night), picture messages sent over 4 months. Holy Cr*p! Pervy texts?!?!? I don't know whether to laugh or actually cry.

He's packed a box of condoms that has been in his drawer for about 8 years (when I had problems with the coil (sorry gents - tmi?)) - probably expecting some real life sex rather than fantasy sex now he's not living at home.

I've been warned off telling the husband of "the other woman" - he says he won't pay his share of the mortgage, loans and other bills. We had a crappy (very angry on his part (guilt)) email exchange on Tuesday - my car has been playing up for months - gearbox - I sent him an email asking if he had a problem with the £300 bill to be paid from our joint account (we'd discussed previously having wages paid into single accounts and both give equal amounts to the joint to cover house stuff). Despite him using the car as much, if not more than me (including driving 200 miles for a job interview in December that I'd set up - and he'd called her several times during that day), he said no, put it on my credit card. I've blocked him now from my works emails. There is nothing to be achieved from telling her husband apart from giving my inner banshee some satisfaction. I'm just stunned at the anger from him, although I do know it's easier to blame me for the situation he now finds himself in than realise it's all down to him (the coward).

I don't know who this guy is anymore! I haven't said before, but from Nov 2009 to Oct 2010 he was working in the war zone that's on the telly every night and I spent that time alone, under stress and still doing a full time job. I did say to him two weeks ago (before I found the bills) he should see the doctor about depression, but he "manned up" and said it wasn't for him.

Those of the "dead horse" opinion needn't respond, but I'd be interested in any helpful comments. I just can't believe this is over - marriage, home, family - because of something so - stupid/childish/horrible!

pelirocco

If your husband doesnt want to end the marriage then I think you should fight for it . What he did was stupid and wrong , but these things happen and its very easy to get caught up with it all ,and it can be worked through., I think far too many people walk away from a marriage over , what is in the grand scale of life , silly things

FizzledOut

Thanks -

(edited to add - I don't think he knows what he wants - right now, today, this week, this month, it isn't me, anyway)!

I truly don't want to let this whole relationship disappear without at least knowing the real reason. I said that to him two weeks ago, I don't want to think, in a year, in five years, what the heck happened? But my gut feeling is he wants to see just what single life can offer him - "sexting" like a bloody teenager, for crying out loud!

Our mutual friends are appalled by his behaviour (there was a family event the weekend while he was packing his stuff). I've been told over and over, time and space .... it's just so hard to sit on my hands and ignore such stupidity - sexting! Gah! And the anger, the blackmail, gut wrenching stuff. I've got an appointment at my doc next week to discuss my depression over all of this.

elantan

Fizzled i have followed this thread since the begining and really feel for you , you are going through hell just now,

like you i needed to know that if my relationship was over that i had done all i could to have saved it, eventually it got too much for me so i kicked him out, that turned out to be what did save our marriage, when i withdrew my emotional attatchment from him and he realised just what he had lost he got his act together and sorted out his life,

what i experienced was different from what you have experienced and not meaning to hurt you but i dont think i could ever go back with a person that has treated me in the way that you have been treated,

only you can really know what you want in life, good luck with making that decision