Is my husband being unreasonable?

Ravenlady_2

Run like the !!!!!!! wind honey.

pinkshoes

Your actions of your husband are that of a control freak.

Sounds very similar to my ex, who ended up hacking and reading all my personal emails to friends etc...

I would not tolerate this sort of behaviour, so would ask him how to unblock them, and ask him to give you a VERY good reason of why he doesn't want you posting on forums anonymously.

coolcait

musictomyears wrote: »

...I do have support from my GP etc, before anyone suggests this, but the online group is made up of those who've experienced the same thing, therefore I can go there, rant, cry, say things that friends will never understand, and no one tries to make me feel better with meaningless platitudes.

....

Can your GP, recommend a local, real-life support group, made up of others who have been through the same kind of tragedy?

That will give you access to the kind of support you clearly want/need.

If it is recommended/signposted by the GP, perhaps your husband will be more open to the idea. If he refuses to let you attend, then that would support the view that he is being controlling. However, there will be someone in real life (your GP) who becomes aware of his actions.

If you do actually attend a real life support group, but then your husband stops you going, again there will be people in real life who see how you are being affected.

I appreciate that they may not know what to do. However, they are far better placed to do something - maybe reporting their concerns to somebody - than people on the internet.

onlyroz

I haven't read all responses, but I think that in general people post far too much personal information on the internet. I don't think people should post anything that they would not be happy for the "subject" of their post to read.

Having said that, surely the correct response from the partner in this case is to sit down and discuss it? On the other hand, maybe the OP has continued to blab about her personal life after repeated requests to stop, and the partner has finally had enough.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If you're the poster whose husband spent refund money from unused baby equipment on himself within days of you losing a baby (having made you miss your previous scan appointment because he was with another woman), telling you to get over yourself for wallowing in grief - you were told then that he was being abusive.

If this is also the same woman, the fact he is now blocking websites that allow you to discuss such things, further substantiates the general view upon that thread that he is abusive.

January20

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

If you're the poster whose husband spent refund money from unused baby equipment on himself within days of you losing a baby (having made you miss your previous scan appointment because he was with another woman), telling you to get over yourself for wallowing in grief - you were told then that he was being abusive.

If this is also the same woman, the fact he is now blocking websites that allow you to discuss such things, further substantiates the general view upon that thread that he is abusive.

I have been wondering whether she was the same person for a little while. I've had that nagging feeling but I didn't know whether to ask outright as I didn't want to spook this poster if she feels recognised.

musictomyears

I really don't want to say whether I've posted on here previously, in case someone links to any other threads, and my husband then finds this, as what I've said on here is fairly ambiguous (probably not though considering the speculation)... but I will say that I have 'frequented' these boards before.

I'm still feeling very cut-off. I do take on the point about professional help, and I do have it, but you can't imagine what I've been through unless you've been through it.

Christmas & New Year Day for example - we had to leave home (never go out Christmas except to family), yet we had to trek to a very sad place, the irony of it all - when we *should* have stayed home celebrating, but instead had to go out to 'spend time' with one child, at the last place I EVER thought I would be going to on "happy" days.

I have found a way around the ban, but can't do it very often, as it's dependent on neighbours.

The twist is I've discovered stuff about my husband (not being able to access my forums has given me free time to explore other, meaningless stuff).

Whilst he controls what I access, and looks at what I do, he has been viewing videos on youtube, mainly of girls with bouncing boobs, and leaving comments. Some of them I don't understand - like "I bought a paintbrush with a wooden handle", which I can only guess at the meaning.

I am shocked that he's been 'ogling' these girls, I have never minded !!!!!!, but this now bothers me as we don't have sex anymore.

He also watches films with really young, half-naked girls in - in fact he did this on my birthday, while I went to bed early & cried on the bed for hours.

I understand about men, and I'm sure that my comments are going to be misunderstood, but it bothers me due to the fact that he turned me down for sex for ages, saying I am a "turn-off", all the while commenting & searching for bouncing boobies. I feel so unattractive - my body has carried three kids, 2 in 2 years, have had two c-sections (the most recently very nearly killing me), and have craved love & hugging, instead he seeks out 'perfect, young girls', which I can't compete with, while ignoring me crying & telling me I'm a turn-off.

It's now got to the stage where I'm refusing sex, he tries to touch me & it makes me feel sick.

He's also suddenly got very secretive with his phone. He used to leave it lying around, now he carries it in his pocket at all times. He keeps getting text messages - one at 11.30pm last night, and says that it's a debt management/insurance claim scam??? He also ignores calls, then tells me they're spam from insurance sales (how he knows without answering I have no idea).

Mrs_Arcanum

Musictomyears.

Is there anywhere you can go to get some time/space away to think about your future?

Just by your comments you need to think deeply about your relationship with your Husband and whether it is worth fighting for.

BrandNewDay

It does sound as if your husband is controlling - the secrecy, the comments about your sexual attractiveness. These are not the actions of a loving spouse.

NickyBat

I feel for you. Why do you stay with him?