Is my husband being unreasonable?

jayII

Why was this thread bumped? It's a week old and the OP hasn't been online since the 7th.... ?


Odd.

jm2926

jayII wrote: »

Why was this thread bumped? It's a week old and the OP hasn't been online since the 7th.... ?


Odd.

Because someone replied to it

NickyBat

Troll maybe?

Tygermoth

Or people, like me, who want to know if the OP is ok?

Not a troll. Honest

fluffnutter

euronorris wrote: »

2 problems here:

- You shouldn't be posting about your problems online if he is not happy with that. Anonymous or not.
- He shouldn't be limiting your online access. But I can understand why.

This is never, in a million years, an OK thing for him to have done.

And I'm not sure I entirely agree with your first statement either. Most people (women particularly) have an outlet that they use to have a bit of a moan about their other half. I love my husband desperately, we have a fantastic relationship and talk all the time. I've still, on the odd occasion, moaned about him to a friend. I don't see this as disloyal, it's just letting off steam and hopefully getting things into perspective.

In this technological age, is the internet so very different from our network of friends? You shouldn't use internet forums as a substitute for good communication, but I still don't think it's the worse crime in the world to ask for advice about your relationship.

We don't know the whole story, we've no idea who to 'blame'. But on the strength of the original post, there's only one person behaving badly and it's not the OP.

January20

jayII wrote: »

Why was this thread bumped? It's a week old and the OP hasn't been online since the 7th.... ?


Odd.

OMG! A week old! Surely not!!!!

So what? if a thread is a week old people shouldn't reply to it? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Lots of threads here should be deleted then! :rotfl::rotfl:

Indeed, and much more seriously, the OP hasn't replied in a while and that is what should concern you in view of the topic of this thread! Not how old it is, but why has the OP not replied. Has she been banned from using this site by her husband?

BrandNewDay

The OP's husband is being unreasonable in his actions. He may or may not be unreasonable IRT his wishes that she not talk about their personal problems online. Others have made great points about how false the feeling of anonymity really is. On the other hand, he may be a classic abuser who seeks to shut off any avenue of support outside his control. None of us have any way of knowing that.

But, there can be no doubt that blocking sites at the router to prevent her doing something he doesn't like is not acceptable.

I know a husband who did something similar in regards to sex chat/hook up sites when his wife was compulsively meeting up with strange men for sex. She didn't complain about that, at all, and thought her husband was being reasonable. (It was a compulsion for her and she didn't want to be tempted, anyway.) That, I think, is a very different thing than being blocked from MSE, Mumsnet, and Yahoo Answers because she's talking about personal business.

NickyBat

Tygermoth wrote: »

Or people, like me, who want to know if the OP is ok?

Not a troll. Honest

Me too, i wonder how she is but there does seem to be a fair few posts across the forum where people don't come back and update.

smcqis

Just read rist post...physco husband, tell him to get a life

musictomyears

I am still here! I just don't want to post too much personal info & risk getting into more trouble.

I understand that he doesn't like me posting sensitive stuff, though the stuff I posted (that he knows about) pre-dates the tragedy, and he allowed me to continue posting.

I do have friends, but they just don't understand. Unless you have been through what we have, there is no way that people can truly understand. A lot of friends now seem to avoid me, give me too much space, talk about their own problems (which I totally understand), and I then don't feel able to open up to them, especially as I feel so depressed, which drags others down... so then friends either try to 'cheer me up' which is totally not the thing to do, or tell me how awful they feel for me.

Some friends expect me to have moved on & don't get that I'm still swamped by my feelings, like a great tsunami that I'm drowning under.


I do have support from my GP etc, before anyone suggests this, but the online group is made up of those who've experienced the same thing, therefore I can go there, rant, cry, say things that friends will never understand, and no one tries to make me feel better with meaningless platitudes.

My health visitor isn't even great. She thinks the best thing for depression/feeling down, is to get out lots. I've tried this. I take my toddler to groups, but sometimes it makes me worse, especially if I'm having a bad week.

Last week was bad. I took my toddler, and was startled when a new member started asking me about my family - I stumbled, I didn't know how to react. Then someone turned up with the very thing I've lost. And I cried. I sat alone. I then felt a hundred times worse.

It's not always like that, some weeks I'm fine, and I push myself, but some weeks - when I'm more fragile - I don't want to go out, and those weeks I particularly need to speak to those who understand, not people who don't.

I guess that may not make much sense, but what I'm trying to say is that I *do* need this support. It makes me feel less alone, while the world expects me to keep my chin up & carry on.

I have tried to talk to my husband. In fact, when I knew that he knew a particular name/forum I deliberately posted, so that he would see how I felt, but he didn't. I sent him emails imploring him to talk, but he didn't.

This thread however, is not about my relationship & problems in it really, it was just about his decision to cut me off, as if a little child. I do take on board that I may have violated his privacy however.