Is my husband being unreasonable?

musictomyears

My husband has blocked me from using certain sites - such as sites for parents (mums in particular), yahoo answers, and a few others.

He was angry that when we have problems I've posted about them (so no doubt may get banned from here too), but I've always been anonymous.

I'm not entirely sure how he even knows who I am sometimes, as I changed my name once after he looked at my laptop.

I have no idea how to unblock these sites, as when I try they just say "blocked by filter".

Is this reasonable behaviour on his behalf to limit me in this way?

I will add that I have no idea what he looks at on the internet (he has his own laptop & it's fingerprint protected).

Klug

I should say so....is he the Gestapo?
I would wander to my local library for an internet session - set myself up with a new identity and do
precisely what I want to....!
Good luck

euronorris

2 problems here:

- You shouldn't be posting about your problems online if he is not happy with that. Anonymous or not.
- He shouldn't be limiting your online access. But I can understand why.

Instead of focusing on who is to blame for what, why not just talk to him about it, stop posting about him online (and tell him you will do this) and work towards a more open, and communicative relationship.

I can only assume, that if you are posting about him online that often, that the communication between you two is poor, at best.

musictomyears

It's not just a new identity, he's blocked it from the server somehow, I've no idea how, but I know that ther server allows him to block sites, as in parental controls.

The library is a good idea, but what worries me is we've had a horrible tragedy, and one site in particular I found comforting talking to others who've been through it, and are supportive; now I feel alone

*max*

He's your husband, not your dad! He has no right to dictate to you what you can or cannot do, what sites you can or cannot visit on the internet.
I can't believe you are even asking if he's being "unreasonable"! I'm sure you know what the answer is, really.

Is he controlling like that in other aspects of your daily life? Are you not allowed to go to certain places or see certain people?

Tiddlywinks

Good grief, are you serious? Is he always so controlling?

How did he get hold of your computer to make the changes? Did he discuss it with you first? How do you think he'll react when you ask him to remove the filters?

If you are in a relationship where you can't talk to each other or don't trust each other then change is probably needed - counselling perhaps?

Or, if your situation is really bad then look here:

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/ - this site even has a bit about how to "cover your tracks online".

http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm#emotional

And if the Women's Aid site is blocked then call them instead: 0808 2000 247

zaksmum

He's got a damn cheek doing that! Is he from a culture that believes women are worthless or something?

Any

No, in my opinion he is not being reasonable in the slightest.
To actually ban sites? It seems that he is controlling man, doesn't want you to find out whether what is going on in your house is normal or not.

My OH also hates about me posting about our problems, but that is to do with me talking behind his back sort of (that is how it feels IYKWIM) and other people knowing about our whatever problems, but he also realises it is anonymous and no one who matters actually knows us and also that it is a way of getting different perspectives etc.

Locking sites is definitely wrong and I would find his reasons very questionable.

*max*

euronorris wrote: »

2 problems here:

- You shouldn't be posting about your problems online if he is not happy with that. Anonymous or not.
- He shouldn't be limiting your online access. But I can understand why.

Really? Because I certainly can't.

If he is unhappy about the OP posting about their relationship online and asking for advice, then he could let her know this and find a middle ground, discuss it together. Banning her from the sites in question certainly isn't the way to go! The OP is an adult, not a child.

We already have "parental control" for the internet, should we now have "marital controls"??? I'm truly appalled by his behaviour.

Alton_Towers

It sounds like he has blocked the websites on your router, hence why you are getting a blocked message. The only way to unblock these is to access the router and take off the blocks. He has obviously gone through your internet history on your laptop. If this is your own personal laptop I would change the password to something he wont know/guess then he cant get in it or if you have no password set up then get it set up. Also clear all your internet history and cookies.

If you were a kid I could understand it but you dont do that to your wife!

euronorris

To be fair to him, I wouldn't be happy if my OH went online and posted about our problems to all and sundry when I had expressly asked him not to do that.

For all we know, the OP may exaggerate the truth, or even lie when she does this. She may not. But we don't know.

OP - If you need someone to talk to about the tragedy, then I would recommend seeing your GP and asking to be referred to a counsellor.

Does the tragedy relate to your husband and his behaviour? Or is it separate?