Is my husband being unreasonable?

tripled

It is entirely unreasonable IMO, very controlling, he's not treating you as an equal but as subservient to him. Also shows a lack of trust. I would agree with the comment above if posting your problems is something he is unhappy about you should respect that, however his response is not reasonable.

The filtering is probably set up on the router, I would expect he's changed the password so it will be hard to fix. Some models of router you can do a full reset that will reset the password to the default, however unless it's something like a BT Home Hub it would probably lose the internet settings as well and you wouldn't get online at all! However if you want, post the details of the router in the techie section and you can get more support. Nothing to stop him doing it again though and you'd be going round in circles so probably a waste of time, needs sorting out between you.

euronorris

*max* wrote: »

Really? Because I certainly can't.

If he is unhappy about the OP posting about their relationship online and asking for advice, then he could let her know this and find a middle ground, discuss it together. Banning her from the sites in question certainly isn't the way to go! The OP is an adult, not a child.

We already have "parental control" for the internet, should we now have "marital controls"??? I'm truly appalled by his behaviour.

I didn't say it was the right thing to do, just that I could understand why.

I got the impression from the OP that he has tried to discuss this, and asked her to stop posting about their problems, but she continued. What options did he have left? Talking didn't work, so blocking the sites, or leaving the relationship were the only options left.

I wouldn't stand for it, in her position, but I'd also be looking at my own behaviour playing a big part in his decision, and questioning whether I was right to go against his wishes like that.

I can't see anywhere that he has blocked any other sites before, or for no reason at all. He's upset about his dirty laundry being aired to a bunch of strangers, especially when he's not there to tell his side, and the communication between them has broken down and needs repairing.

suki1001

I certainly don't think his reaction to what you are doing is acceptable, however, I do think it is sometimes not a good idea to post too many problems on the internet. You only have to look at the thread a few days ago to see the devastation it can cause. One girl was having people contacting her work because of it. We are not always as anonymous as we think we are sometimes.

The fact that something horrifc has happened to you both, really can narrow down who you might be. I'm afraid although me and my oh don't really have any big issues, I'm not in the habit of trying to sort our problems out online. I personally feel it wouldn't fair on him. However he is the first person I'll go to when we do have issues and I know op doesn't have that luxury.

It can help to talk on the net, but big problems need lots of help and the best place is professional.

euronorris

As for knowing your usernames, it could be possible that he has set up one of those programmes that basically logs everything you do online. If that is the case, then that is a serious breach of your trust and privacy, and I would deal with that separately from the blocked sites issue.

*Louise*

I think he is being very unreasonable. I could understand if he discussed with you and asked you not to post personal situations but to just block them seems horrible.

Just a thought - so you use inprivate browsing? He must be going through your history to know which sites to delete, use inprivate when you are log in in here so he won't block it as well.

Nottoobadyet

Just to give him the benefit of the doubt (obviously if he controls you or your movements in other ways he doesn't deserve it, but just in case)...

Picking up on the fact that you are talking about a tragedy, is it something that he can't think straight about? I don't want to presume, obviously, but if for example you are talking to everyone but him about the loss of a child or about your health he may have resorted to this rather childish and sulky response because he's upset that he cant be the one you talk to. He may be feeling lost and un-supported himself if you are going to strangers instead of to him for counsel. Perhaps he feels that if you werent spending your energy communicating with strangers about the loss or tragedy, you could reach out to him in a way that would comfort you both. Tragedies can throw a relationship and people's decision making facilities off for a bit.

I agree that his behavior is childish at best and abusive at worst, but just putting out my thoughts.

georgiesmum

Buy a new computer and set it up with a password that he will never suspect. And delete your browsing history. He's a prat

USM

First things first: He's being extremely unreasonable. Thats as polite as I'm capable of being, and I'm controlling the urge to make more appropriate references to him.

But I think we've covered that. Let me wade in and cover the technical bits:

He's most likely blocked these sites at the router which is the gateway between any computer on the network and the wider internet. You'll need to remove this block before you can access these sites.

There are a number of ways he could have gathered the inteligence on the sites you visit. They include:

• Having installed a keylogged on your computer which will log literally everything you type and see on the computer including passwords, e-mails, sites etc. This is very easy to do.
• Checked your internet history when you are not looking.
• Implemented a more sophisticated logging technology between you and the internet such as a proxy server running on his own computer or a spare computer.

So, how to fix. Remedies include but are not limited to:

• Offering to end your marriage if he doesn't remove the blocks and stop treating you like a child.
• Wiping your computer and starting again from scratch, or having a computer savvy friend do this for you to eliminate the threat of a key logger.
• Investing in an internet dongle which will give you your own secure internet connection to do as you please.

Hope this helps

Marvels

Use a proxy/tunnel to get through the block, by using a proxy it will be anonymousbrowsing as well so will be tougher for him to trace.

Undoubtedly he'll have the router logging the sites you visit, the URL of the actual message page will also be recorded so all he'll have to do it follow the sites address you've posted on...

I'd have a look at the Tor network if I were you...by using a proxy all that will be logged by him is the intial IP address you've connected to and then after that its goodbye tracking...

I'd also suggest running a complete sweep on your PC for any key logging program, like the above poster said a clean wipe and install maybe the way to go...on most newer PC's/Laptops its only a couple of clicks away as its all automated...

flutterby_lil

musictomyears wrote: »

It's not just a new identity, he's blocked it from the server somehow, I've no idea how, but I know that ther server allows him to block sites, as in parental controls.

The library is a good idea, but what worries me is we've had a horrible tragedy, and one site in particular I found comforting talking to others who've been through it, and are supportive; now I feel alone

Tell him it is your way of getting uspport and coping.

I would be very very mad indeed. Why on earth is is laptop fingerprint protected.......i'd be very suspicious!