Is my husband being unreasonable?

euronorris

flutterby_lil wrote: »

I would be very very mad indeed. Why on earth is is laptop fingerprint protected.......i'd be very suspicious!

For security. Nothing to be suspicious about. It helps to protect the personal contents of the laptop from anyone, but in particular if it is stolen.

All the work laptops here have fingerprint ID's on them. As do the personal laptops of OH and I.

I don't want someone getting their mitts on my banking details, personal photos, videos etc if it ever gets stolen. It's no guarantee that they wouldn't get past it, but it'd deter/stop a lot of opportunistic theives (ie, the ones without IT skills and hacking abilities).

melancholly

i'd focus less on the blocking of sites and more on why neither of you are able to talk about things with each other (you going online and him acting by blocking that). you can get work arounds and login elsewhere, but that isn't the real problem here. talk to each other. he clearly feels strongly about this so find out why it upsets him. if it really is the best way for you to cope, make that clear to him. posting more complaints about his behaviour online, that he may well find, will only inflame the situation further.

Peater

eeek. Sounds like a bit of a nutter.

Granted, having not seen any of your posts, if you were giving out enough clues for Columbo to join the dots then i'd be upset, but for general opinions/advice/mutual experiences i find it hard to see the problem.

Almost sounds like he is so obsessed with control that he finds the thought of anonymous strangers knowing his/your personal dilemmas intolerable.

Talk it out. He is unreasonable.

Hanging_by_a_thread

I get the impression that what he wants to stop is your problems being shared on a chat forum. Even if you are anonymous there may be people who know you and might recognise you from things you highlight.

Maybe he is worried about this. I would imagine he is trying, in a very clumsy way, to encourage you two to talk things through with each other instead of turning to complete strangers for help. Is he approachable to discussion and working things out or is it hard work to communicate with him?

Does he try to control other aspects of your life? If not then I would meet him half way and respect his feelings a bit.

Person_one

euronorris wrote: »

- You shouldn't be posting about your problems online if he is not happy with that. Anonymous or not.

People have posted on here who've been in abusive or violent relationships and received help, people have posted who have been completely brainwashed and manipulated and been helped.

As long as personal details are sufficiently obscured she has every right to post what she wants, its not a good idea to suggest that its ok for him to have a veto! Its not that different to him stopping her talking to her friends, or a counsellor, or the CAB.

suki1001

Person_one wrote: »

People have posted on here who've been in abusive or violent relationships and received help, people have posted who have been completely brainwashed and manipulated and been helped.

As long as personal details are sufficiently obscured she has every right to post what she wants, its not a good idea to suggest that its ok for him to have a veto! Its not that different to him stopping her talking to her friends, or a counsellor, or the CAB.

Yes, it can help. I really think many of us give away more information than we imagine we do. Given that there are a lot of members on here. I often hear in conversations: Yes I go on there too. It only takes a friend of a husband, anyone, to get the gist of the problem and put 2 and 2 together. you don't need to be giving out any personal details to guess. My bet is this has already happened a lot on here.

Both of them have been through major trauma. While we don't know what that is, it can make the most sane people act in ways that are very irrational, he may well have not been like this before. While I'm not saying she shouldn't go on sites and pour out her thoughts, I'm not certain the "get out he's abusing you route." is neccessarily the right answer. While his behaviour is not acceptable, they have clearly been through something awful and I'm not 100% unless we are aware of the details, that we can make assumptions that this is just another typical abusive relationship. We don't know if he was a lovely husband before this happened, and whether indeed it is just that they are finding the situation so very hard to deal with and neither coping very well. In which case they both need to find ways to help, one that isn't so controlling, and possibly one that doesn't just rely on forums to help with what they are going through. I wonder what professional support the couple has had, because it really sounds like they need it.

meg72

musictomyears wrote: »

My husband has blocked me from using certain sites - such as sites for parents (mums in particular), yahoo answers, and a few others.

He was angry that when we have problems I've posted about them (so no doubt may get banned from here too), but I've always been anonymous.

I'm not entirely sure how he even knows who I am sometimes, as I changed my name once after he looked at my laptop.

I have no idea how to unblock these sites, as when I try they just say "blocked by filter".

Is this reasonable behaviour on his behalf to limit me in this way?

I will add that I have no idea what he looks at on the internet (he has his own laptop & it's fingerprint protected).

I would view this as very unreasonable and downright unacceptable.

Can you take your computer to someone who can unlock these filters for you and make it impossible for him to access it,sorry am not techie at all but I think it is possible to do this.

Good luck

xbrenx

I will be honest and say I haven't read every single reply because they get a bit samey but I would suggest you take your laptop to a computer savvvy person (local fixit type man) and get him to check for a key logger type program installed to see if that's how your husband is learning your usernames.
Then you should password your own laptop. If he's allowed to block access to his then you're allowed to block access to yours.

He should not be checking up on you like that but communication is the key really, not secrets.
I hope you both get everything sorted out :-)

shellsuit

Is he your Father and you are a teenager?!

You have every right, to post where you like about whatever you like.

If he doesn't like it, then that's something for you both to talk about, ie, why you feel you have to post instead of talking to him, but for him to block the sites is wayyyy OTT!

FATBALLZ

When I opened this I thought it would be about him leaving the toilet seat up or something silly. Blocking his wife from internet sites? Lol, thats ridiculous, he needs counselling (or just dump him if thats too much hassle).