Is my husband being unreasonable?

Mojisola

snozberry wrote: »

Tbh, I wouldn't be happy if my OH posted details about our lives online. However, there is no way on earth that I would go through his history to see what he has been getting up to and, ultimately, blocking sites that he has visited. Heck, I don't even nosy in his mobile phone. It's just wrong and a gross invasion of privacy.

This is the crux of the issue. People have been slated on MSE because they've become suspicious of what their OH or children are up to and have looked at their phone or computer.

This man hasn't just looked - he's blocked his OH from viewing certain sites and possibly installed tracker programmes! That's the cyber world equivalent of locking someone in their room and then having them followed when they do manage to get out.

If he's very upset about their tragedy being discussed, there are other adult ways of dealing with it. People deal with very difficult times in different ways and "talking" about it to strangers may be the only thing that helping musictomyears cope.

wannabe_sybil

I think the question is, does the OP have someone to talk to away from the internet? If not, how is she going to get answers, support and help?

Bet you half a dollar she can no longer log on to MSE though. Even if she was only after swapping recipes.

Just to add, several times over the last few years the only contact I have had with another adult for weeks at a time has been online, on forums like MSE. There have been times when my OH has been physically in the house but due to various problems has not been available for any sort of adult contact. I have been physically unable to leave the house - and it is hard being so isolated.

Sometimes coming on a forum is the only way that people can get support and advice, especially in charged situations, when you can't deal with the emotions face to face. I agree that you have got to have some privacy, and it is sometimes hard to compromise between two people with different needs. However surely that should be by negotiation and not diktat. It is hard to imagine a reasonable person just blocking access to certain sites. I can imagine a reasonable person being upset, angry and feeling betrayed (depending on what was written) - but not blocking the sites. That does sound a bit odd.

VfM4meplse

What business does he have with your laptop? You should have administrator rights, not him!

jamespir

shocking behaviour he sounds like a tool tell dont let him control you your an adult you need to reset the router it should wipe all the settings ... look you router up in google and it will tell you how

*max*

I'm feeling a little uncomfortable now that this is being discussed while the OP hasn't replied since her initial 2 posts.

marleyboy

My advice would be to get yourself a cheap netbook\laptop password protect it on both administrator and user. Should he dare demand to look at your netbook history, condition it along with you looking at his and likewise blocking various sites from his computer you deem not needed.

If he does not like the condition, tell him that is fine, so long as he hands over your netbook and accepts your netbook is likewise unconditional and shall be password protected FROM him as per your preference.

Rex_Mundi

This is bullying.........No more or no less

Some people here are saying that 'he may not like their problems on the the net'. True, if the OP had their full name out there and the full name of her OH, he may have a point, but, by him blocking access to whole sections of the net is the same type of bullying behaviour than if she wanted to talk to friends and he stood with his arms out in front blocking access to the front door of the house. It is bullying no matter how you look at it.

'Oh, but nothing is impersonal on the internet'.......some 'experts' here have said.

Here is a challenge for the 'experts'. I have been a member of this site for many years (2004 join date on this site alone). I have also put my views over MANY other sites over the years. I am all over the internet under different IDs. Impress me and tell me my proper name (also on the net). Prove you are not talking tripe

mollyisthedog

Hello there. I am sorry you are having such difficulties with your husband who is abusing you emotionally and financially. :( His behaviour is completely intolerable. I second the advice to contact an official agency that can support you such as Women's Aid.

YANBU

dark_lady

Please contact Womens Aid and get yourself some help and advice as soon as possible OP. He is emotionally and financially abusing you and is also exerting coercive control. Yanbu.

coolcait

Protecting your privacy is about a lot more than not choosing a user-name which is linked to real life. My name is not cait, for example.

Every little detail which you post on an internet site can add up. I know others have seen that happen recently.

If you post the same thing on a number of sites, it adds up even more.

If you have internet access, and are in a domestic abuse situation, then you can access information on how to hide your internet history, and how to get advice and help on and off line without being found out.

I'm not sure how or why someone in that situation, searching the internet for an appropriate place to look for help, would end up on a site which is "all about moneysaving", and specifically in the section about "moneysaving in marriages etc". You have to be a regular to know that the "moneysaving" part is no longer a prerequisite for posting.

Most people on this thread are assuming that the OP is posting an absolute truth all over the internet. And that an evil, manipulartive, domestic abuser is trying to stop that. Perhaps that is in fact the truth of the situation.

However, it may be that this is not actually the case. Without knowing all the facts, the best answers on this thread, IMO, are:

- talk to your OH

- here's info on women's aid and similar sources of support for DV.

- recognise that you and your OH are equals (with the corollary that he has a right to privacy too)

- here's how to delete cookies etc, and protect yourself from software/malware which monitors your internet usage