Is my husband being unreasonable?

Yorkie1

OP, I would consider whether you've put too much detail in post #88 ...

scooby088

For me posting on any forum i respect my partners wishes in not wanting anything personal posted and she respects my wishes in not posting too, even being anon. So in one way i can see OP hubby being narked with discussing him.

We have only heard one side of the story on this thread and never really get a balanced view from the OP as they are completely immersed in the situation. For me I have made a comment on the original post on the thread.

balletshoes

NickyBat wrote: »

I feel for you. Why do you stay with him?

i'm fairly sure the OP has been asked this many times over the past couple of years on this forum. she's still with him.

faerie~spangles

balletshoes wrote: »

i'm fairly sure the OP has been asked this many times over the past couple of years on this forum. she's still with him.

There are a myriad reasons why someone remaln's in an abusive relationship.

My ex used to take the phone out with him so I couldn't call anyone. That is just one example of the tools that control freaks use.
Had I still been with him when forums kicked off, I know damn fine I wouldn't have been allowed access to forums.

The op is being systematically isolated by her OH imo. She has come on here looking for support, as I imagine she feels lost and doesn't have enough self esteem to trust her own judgement.

She's probably still with him because there ain't no light at the end of the tunnel that she can see.

Of all the relationship problems I've read on here this is the one which has preyed on my mind the most.

Mrs_Z

I'm sorry, I just don't get it - WHY are you still with him????

musictomyears

I don't know where to go, besides he is playing a very clever game.

I swore I would not come here again, but I can't even get on facebook now, I now can't contact my friends who I talked to on facebook, and feel so alone.

He's found out about personality disorders, and has told me I have this & am a dangerous woman, he will take our other child as he thinks I'm unfit.

Yesterday we went to the cemetery. On the way there he pointed out young girls he would like to have sex with, whilst commenting on pensioner women, saying they are too old as they are my age (not true obviously, but making the point of the fact that young girls are more attractive than women of my age, and I'm too old for him to fancy anymore).

I commented on Eastenders that I never slept around when I was a teenager, and he told me that it was probably because no one wanted to.

He thinks all this was a joke, and I should know it was a joke, but when he hasn't been near for me months, has told me I'm a "turn-off", then comments on how he'd like to "take" the girls we passed yesterday, I just can't see the funny side. I feel so damned unattractive, and undesirable.

He did make attempts to caress me, and stroke my hair, but fails to see this doesn't make up for the hurt he caused. I need him to passionately prove he wants me, not say those things & then stroke my hair.

I feel quite sick now. I've sent him more emails imploring him to talk to me, begging him to take seriously how this has affected me, yet he just gets angry saying that it's all in my head, and that I'm looking for problems.

I've been upstairs literally wailing, whilst he watches some rubbish cop show. I'm sick of begging him to spend time with me - which he claims he does, when all he does is watch a film with me - when I want to talk, reconnect...

I know I make no sense at all. I've probably unrealistic expectations, but I just sick of going through this alone, I feel dead inside, I'm sick of crying over our tragedy, and him asking me "what are you crying for now?"

All I ever wanted was to be loved, and have a family. Part of that has been ruined by the tragedy, and I don't know if I can ever recover from that, but his coldness is just making it worse, when I just want someone to hug me

Person_one

If this is for real, then take your child and leave, tomorrow.

Once you're settled with your mum, sister, friend, whoever you go to, then make an appointment with your GP and tell them you're not coping and you need some help urgently.

Good luck.

Triker

musictomyears, it sounds to me you have some thinking to do and some decisions to make. Only you can make them but you will be offered guidance and support here, if you can still access here.

I wish you well. x

musictomyears

I can access here as he doesn't know about this - yet. We've just now rowed again, he just can't see how much I'm hurting. I nearly died when our second daughter was born & I wish so much that I had

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I'd go and see the GP and tell them all about what is happening in terms of the abuse, including the making up personality disorders, the threatening to take the eldest child away, the cutting off facebook, cutting off the mobile phone, I expect (or monitoring calls), talking about forcibly taking teenage girls whilst at the cemetery, that kind of thing.

The pornographic stuff, that's not so much to mention (although I understand that it hurts), but the claiming you're in your 70s and suchlike is more important. It sounds like he's trying to convince you you're an old woman, when you aren't.



Let's face it. He's not going to suddenly become a nice person, no matter how much you cry and scream and wail and sob. You are a nice person and you and your child deserve so, so much more than this abuse.