Where do women fit having children in??

Mojisola

SmallL wrote: »

Now, after a rather disheartening exam period its made me feel like im not going to get anything i wanted out of life, including a family before im 30!!!

Taking things slightly away from the subject of children, are you sure that your present plan is what you really want to do?

If the idea of pursuing your plans for the next ten years is depressing, maybe you should re-evaluate what you want out of life.

daisiegg

Why 26? If you're doing a 3 yr degree, started it when you were 18, then do a PGCE, you'll be in your first teaching job at 22 (as I was).

fluffnutter

As an aside, SmallL, you're going to scare the bejeezus out of any guy if you lay down your life plan when you meet him! Most guys would run a mile if faced with a woman so young who's got it 'all worked out' like that! What about what he wants? What if you fall in love with a guy who doesn't want kids until he's 40 (assuming you're a similar age)?! Or doesn't want them at all? :eek:

euronorris

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

Personally, for me, I wanted to have had my babies by the time I was 30. I was the youngest in my family, my mum was 31 when she had me and she just seemed so old compared to everyone else's mum coming to meet me from school (in her headscarf!), didn't help that my best mate's mum was 18 when she had her.

I used to feel that way when I was younger too. I am also the youngest, and mum was 35 when she had me, and my Dad 41.

But......you get over it, and in the grand scheme of parenting, being a few years older than the other mums isn't really a big deal. Other stuff is far more important.

milliemonster

Blimey, you're 20 years old, why are you even thinking about kids at your age???? there is so much you can do with your life right now, just forget about kids for the time being and enjoy the journey and your freedom years!!!

I had my first at 26 and my 2nd at 30, both planned but not from when I was 20, I met my hubby at 22 and was married at 24, but don't plan your life so much, things will happen and it will all just fall into place. At the time I married I thought like you that financially we would never be in a position to afford to have a family, or it would be years before we could, but a friend who had a baby said to me at the time, if you wait until you have enough money, you will never have kids, sometime you have to just bite the bullet. She was right, there will always be something to stop you if you think like that, unless you are very rich there will never be an exact right time to start a family, just wait until you are in a stable relationship, pretty happy with your job and then go for it when you feel it's the right time, it might be 3 years it might be 15, but in the meantime just enjoy your youth

fluffnutter

Mojisola wrote: »

Taking things slightly away from the subject of children, are you sure that your present plan is what you really want to do?

If the idea of pursuing your plans for the next ten years is depressing, maybe you should re-evaluate what you want out of life.

Totally agree. I'd even go a little further... Why bother to even worry about what you want out of life when you're just 20? How about just thinking about the next year or two? Get the degree, and do a PGCE with a view to doing a teaching job in the future sounds enough to me for a 20 year old.

daisiegg

Also, things NEVER go to plan. When I was your age (not that long ago!) I was with the boy I'd been with since I was 16 and was expecting a proposal when we were both 21 (we'd discussed and agreed that). I wanted to get married young and fully planned to have my first child at about 22! Then he cheated on me and dumped me a year later....and I was really thinking like you, that my plans were all scuppered, I'd be ancient before I got married and had babies - but it's not really the case!

Gigglepig

People have different views of this and only you know what is right for yourself.

At first I also wanted children early but I felt it was more responsible to wait, even if it will take me to mid 30s. My view is I don't expect tax payers to fund my children and who knows, the benefits system could change - so my approach has been to get education/job in place first, be financially stable and not reliant on benefits, afford a family house in a nice area.

On a positive note, it has been nice to have the time to establish a long term stable relationship first, and I appreciate having had the opportunity to spend lots of quality time together without children.

All in all, I feel better prepared now. I think I will make a better parent now than I would have in my early 20s.

Perhaps when the exams are over and you get some time off, you'll feel more optimistic?

SmallL

Well i already have a OH-we have been together for almost 5 years
Oh and the 26 was just a estimate of when i would be in a job! not when i would immediately want/could have kids.
Its not that i have my life 'planned' thats how it pretty much has to be if i want to achieve whatever career i end up going for, im going to have to spend x amount of years at uni etc.
And ideally i would like to be reasonably financially stable as i know people juggling university with children and im struggling as it is without children, so in my eyes the two can't mix and my OH agrees we should finish/get into a career before starting a family.
Sadly i was never the sociable sort and im struggling to find university 'fun' and its just a way to get into the job i want, im considering nursing but now a days you need a degree for that too.

My perception of 'average age to have a child' may be a bit warped by the limited company i share lol so i apologise if i offended anyone by potentially implying 30 was old!

SmallL

Oh also i need to do a PHD for the level of teaching i potentially want to be in (Post compulsory/Uni lecturer)