Where do women fit having children in??

pinkshoes

You're FAR too young to be making such plans!

Live life, have fun, and babies will fit in somewhere along the route!

There is NEVER a good time to have a child!

pinkclouds

suki1001 wrote: »

My sister planned her life, when she got to her 30's then found conceiving a real problem. She was used to fulfilling her expectations. It set her back 3 years.

The above quote says it all. Fertility is not something that you can play God over. Make all the plans you want but it still might not work out.

OP, as you are only 20, you still have plenty of time on your side. The best time to have a baby is when you are in a stable relationship and both of you want to become parents. Where the mom is in her career is not a deciding factor - whenever the career breaks crop up, you can still go back to work afterwards. There is not necessarily any pressure for you to try conceiving within the next 5-10 years but to ease your mind, you should check with your nearest female relatives (mom would be best but aunties and grannies would be useful too) what the family history is like. If you uncover any fertility issues then the next port of call would be your OBG but if there is nothing worth highlighting then you will *probably* be fine any time under 35 ish, possibly longer if genes are on your side.

There is little point waiting until you're 40, with a big house and a healthy bank balance if early menopause is going to smash your dreams. However, there is equally no point in worrying at 20 if there are no known fertility problems in your family. Just don't put it off for the wrong reasons.

euronorris

OP - I think there is plenty of time for having your family.

BUT, if you are worried about it, just ask yourself if it came down to a simple choice of career or family, which would you choose?

If it's family, are you prepared to take other steps to create your family if needs be (and that's a big if!)? IVF, surrogacy or adoption?

If yes, then don't worry about it. You have so much time, and so many options.

If, however, you only want to try naturally, and are not interested in the other options, then it may be a good idea to re-assess the order of your life plans so that the babies come first, and studying is completed later.

You have said a few times though, that you have been finding the course a bit tough and think you may need to re-sit a few of the most recent exams. Are you sure that you aren't just feeling a bit down and frustrated, and so your mind is wandering off into thoughts of 'I'm no good at this, I should just quit and have the family I want instead.' or 'What if I do all this, put off having a family, and I don't even pass??' ?

If that is the case, then I would suggest talking to your lecturer about areas of the study you find difficult and trying to strengthen them, which should then increase your confidence. And/or perhaps even assess whether this is the right course for you.

Good luck.

mildred1978

daisiegg wrote: »

That's interesting. My sister's a medical student and when she was learning about reproduction she sent me a very depressing text to the effect that a woman is at her peak of fertility at 19 - it's all downhill from there! It seems a sad trick of evolution if your fertility is at its best at a time when your body is 'not ready to have a baby'...

Not quite. Humans haven't evolved that much physically since cavemen were around. Back then, we probably wouldn't have lived much past our mid 20s, so the pressure was on to have as many children as possible to ensure the human race survived. Hence girls matured in their early teens and men remained fertile for the whole period.

It's medicine that has moved on considerably, along with our thoughts about what is appropriate within our society, which means we live longer, and have more opportunity to determine for ourselves when or indeed if we have children, how many etc.

ZsaZsa

suki1001 wrote: »

I think you're completely right. That's exactly what I was doing, although I did meet the right man, I thought somehow to actually say "I'd like children in my twenties" would be like saying: "I have no aspirations in my life and I just want to be a little housewife." And I did think, having children in your 20's is for saddos and losers and didn't entertain the thought. What I didn't actually see, was what a wonderful thing I was missing out on. I had the opportunity to be a mum in my 20's if I'd have been that sort of person, but because of how society views this, I wasn't even going to consider having children earlier than my 30's. How fortunate that it did actually happen, because I am so, so lucky. I have 10 extra years of my children in my life.

This was exactly why I waited to have my children, it just didn't feel like the "done thing" to have children in my 20's. I spent my 20's working my way up in a career that I grew to hate and had my babies at 29 and 31. I didnt return to work after my first and I absolutely LOVE being a SAHM. If I could turn the clock back I'd have definitely had mine earlier (if I was younger I would have liked a bigger family too)

Knitting_Nora

Gosh, what a can of worms!

Seems to me that you're all right (hang on, bear with me...). Research shows that there are biological, sociological and economic benefits to having children at certain times in your life. The 'git' factor is that they don't all coincide - so Unixgirl is on to something when she comments that it's really a decision to make based on your own circumstances.

Of course, there are those for whom there really isn't a conscious decision - lovely stories of happy accidents throughout this thread, and others for whom circumstances change beyond imagining (thanks to all for sharing). It seems to me that what you're all agreeing is that it really doesn't matter what age are you are at the time (as both very young, and older mums can attest), but how you cope the the little bundle once it arrives.

OP - my tuppence worth....it's ok for your qualifications/career to be a route to enabling a family, just as it's ok to stall your plans a little while if you feel you want sproglets now. My point being: advice, stories, research and opinions aside, honey - it's up to you. Your life, your story, and you in control. All power to your elbow.

Nora.x

suki1001

What a nice post Nora

Hanging_by_a_thread

I think you are being very wise to get a great education behind you, and establish your career, before settling down and starting a family. It will be something you can always fall back on later. If it makes you feel better about delaying an important aspect of your life, then see what you are doing now as laying the foundations for a secure and successful future. One where you will feel confidant and comfortable to bring a child into. At 20 you do have years ahead of you to achieve all you are hoping for.

Is 'Mr Right' even on the scene yet? I am going to sound really old by saying this, but at your age I was in and out of relationships with 'Mr Right Now', rather than seeing anyone as being a long term partner. Let alone finding a guy who I would want to have a child with. I am just about getting there now and I am in my late 20s.

You really do never get this time you are currently enjoying now back. There is plenty of time for responsibilty and being a mum. Enjoy this time of your life and make the most of it.