Where do women fit having children in??

Kaz2904

I met DH when I was 19, moved in together 6 months later and have been together ever since. I started uni at 21 and got pregnant 16 weeks before our wedding which was towards the end of my second year. We were also just buying our flat. Very busy time :eek:! We struggled on financially for a few years and it all kind of slotted into place. We are comfortable now and have enough money to live a nice life although not an extravagant one. The good thing about having DD when I was 23 and DS 2 years later is that as DD is off to uni, I will be just turning 40 so her uni fees and what have you won't make too much of an impact on our retirement funds.

mildred1978

I was 34 when I had my son. My friend was a whisker off 40 having her first.

I am now 36 and still consider that have plenty of time to decide if I want anymore.

Planning babies at 20?? Mental!!

Molly41

I had four kids and been through university twice before I was 40. Women are good multi taskers!

koalamummy

OP I mean this in the nicest way possible, but for the majority of adults trying to conceive it happens when they are lucky enough, (if at all,) not on a suitable date.

My oldest son was born when I was 22 and midway through my PhD, the result of an unplanned but definitely not unwanted pregnancy. He was very pre term and it was the most traumatic experience of my life which left me terrified of having more children in case the same was to happen again. There is a nine year gap to my next child, but a few years of that were not our choosing....we just didnt get lucky enough. However our third child was very different and we got very lucky very quickly.

Please dont try to set your life in stone right now because the likelyhood is that it just wont happen that way.

fuzzylu

I met my now husband at 18 while at uni. after finishing uni and buying a house we decide to TTC at 22. 4 years later we still hadnt managed to get pregnant. we then had fertility treatment (clomid) and had our twins at 27 years old. although we are not well off we do have enough money to support our family and pay the morgage. i think if we had got pregnant at 22 we would have struggled alot more (esp with twins)
But when is the best time to have kids? you may not manage money wise in your early 20's but you may be like me and take almost 5 years to get pregnant with your first. or worse still not be able to have children. sometimes its better to just see what happens and make decisions closer to the time. you never know what life will bring.

xx

Gillyx

I've just had my first baby at 23. He wasn't planned but very much wanted. At the time I was terrified as I'd just quit my job and moved hundreds of miles away. My OH is in the final year of an intense uni course and works too. We've tried to look on the bright side though, my OH probably has more free time at the moment than he would with a graduate job. We both always knew we wanted kids young and had planned on trying when OH graduated and got a job but it happened a bit sooner.

So to sum it up like everyone else there is no right or wrong time and whenever you do have them you'l manage.

There is nothing wrong with wanting kids young at all, but neither is there with waiting. You will find the time to have them, if you want them enough

suki1001

mildred1978 wrote: »

I was 34 when I had my son. My friend was a whisker off 40 having her first.

I am now 36 and still consider that have plenty of time to decide if I want anymore.

Planning babies at 20?? Mental!!

I'm 36, there's no way I'd plan having a baby this late on. Given the risks of more things going wrong. Miscarriage, higher risk of birth defects, that's if it didn't take a lot longer to get pregnant than when I was in my twenties. The best time biologically for us to get pregnant is in our 20's, why is this almost seen as a no-no. It seems the older you are the better. At the ages of 25-29, I was having the sleepless nights. There's no way I'd do it now.

mildred1978

suki1001 wrote: »

I'm 36, there's no way I'd plan having a baby this late on. Given the risks of more things going wrong. Miscarriage, higher risk of birth defects, that's if it didn't take a lot longer to get pregnant than when I was in my twenties. The best time biologically for us to get pregnant is in our 20's, why is this almost seen as a no-no. It seems the older you are the better. At the ages of 25-29, I was having the sleepless nights. There's no way I'd do it now.

Actually, biologically we should have babies between 15 and 19.

I fell pregnant with my son within 10 days of deciding to try, after nearly 20 years of actively avoiding pregnancy. If I never have another, that would be fine. I know many many women 38+ that have had babies without any issues whatsoever.

Why do we wait? How many 16 year olds can afford to support a baby themselves? By the time I decided I was ready for a baby, we were very well off financially after a couple of decades hard work. I could afford to leave a job paying over £40k per year. I can afford to do anything I want with my son. Our mortgage is fully offset, and we've a lot of money saved on top. I didn't feel ready for kids in my 20s, didn't have the lifestyle to be able to give them enough time, and my head wasn't in the right place until I was 34. That's life.

Also, research shows that older, educated females have more intelligent offspring. So it's not all bad.

I'm also a more relaxed parent than I think I would be had I had my son earlier. As a result he's very calm and relaxed. Being able to afford to be a SAHM means that if we do have a rough night it doesn't matter. We couldn't have afforded that 10 years ago.

Oldernotwiser

SmallL wrote: »

Its not the university per se thats not fun its the 'university life' everyone else enjoys (the clubbing etc).
I do enjoy my actual course and the stuff im learning in it
Im finding the learning curve extremely hard (i partly blame my university as the change from multiple choice-essay exam questions was ridiculous, and im almost 100% certain il be resitting a module)

That again doesn't bode well for your current career plans, I'm afraid.

suki1001

mildred1978 wrote: »

Actually, biologically we should have babies between 15 and 19.

I fell pregnant with my son within 10 days of deciding to try, after nearly 20 years of actively avoiding pregnancy. If I never have another, that would be fine. I know many many women 38+ that have had babies without any issues whatsoever.

Why do we wait? How many 16 year olds can afford to support a baby themselves? By the time I decided I was ready for a baby, we were very well off financially after a couple of decades hard work. I could afford to leave a job paying over £40k per year. I can afford to do anything I want with my son. Our mortgage is fully offset, and we've a lot of money saved on top. I didn't feel ready for kids in my 20s, didn't have the lifestyle to be able to give them enough time, and my head wasn't in the right place until I was 34. That's life.

Also, research shows that older, educated females have more intelligent offspring. So it's not all bad.

I'm also a more relaxed parent than I think I would be had I had my son earlier. As a result he's very calm and relaxed. Being able to afford to be a SAHM means that if we do have a rough night it doesn't matter. We couldn't have afforded that 10 years ago.

But biologically it is better to have them in your twenties rather than your 30's. I was a relaxed parent in my 20's, more so with my second admittedly, but every baby is different. My son was a calm relaxed baby because he nature is just that, my daughter was just a stronger personality. However, I don't see mother's in their thirties coping better than I did in my twenties. I've seen many a shocked career woman finding it difficult to cope with the change of being a SAHM. I see my sister struggling with being a mum, she isn't more relaxed because she waited and she isn't any better off financially than she was in her twenties. I could afford to be a SAHM and was in my 20's.

I suppose I feel there is a predjudice against mum's who have their babies earlier. It's almost seen as irresponsible and I don't think I was.