Where do women fit having children in??

runningwoman

I am reliably informed it's just above the F anny.

JC9297

mildred1978 wrote: »

Also, research shows that older, educated females have more intelligent offspring. So it's not all bad.

Intelligent parents have intelligent children, the age at which they have them is irrelevant. Women who have been in higher education and established a career are more likely to be older when they have their children though.

koalamummy

I dont see it as irresponsible in any way shape or form. Despite our trauma family circumstances dictated that I returned to work/study ASAP. This did not make me a bad parent, and my oldest son in no way resents us for this. I have been a bad parent and brought him up with a vague conception of bills. and income and expenditure. I fully anticipate my younger children being taught the same values too. I seriously dont get the age group parenting thing as I still have exactly the same ambitions and hopes for achieving them now as I did many years ago.

I want my children to be happy and able to find happiness...without it all other achievements are pointless

southoftheriver

I've just started working at the age of 27 (was at uni for 7 years!). I always wanted children before I was 30. I was very aware that my degree would make things difficult with regards to family planning but I keep telling myself i'm still young! I was also in a relationship for most of university and naively thought that I would settle down with that person. Now i'm 27, single-ish (have only just started dating someone) and have very little savings! Not ideal for having a child within the next three years!

However what I have done is make sure i've had some great memories so that when I am at the stage where i'm ready to have children, I don't feel like i'm missing out on things. I've been travelling alone - just for fun, I go out with my girlfriends a lot and try to embrace whatever i'm doing. I think my mum missed out by having me so young, and don't want my children to feel like they held me back from doing things. I also grew up in an area with a very high teenage pregnancy rate, my old classmate was 13 when she got pregnant and most of my friends from primary school are parents so I feel like i've done things backwards!

I've been broody since I was a child, having a family is very important to me. But I have to be in the right place in terms of what I have to offer a child. That said I am very aware of my body clock!

Uniscots97

suki1001 wrote: »

I'm 36, there's no way I'd plan having a baby this late on. Given the risks of more things going wrong. Miscarriage, higher risk of birth defects, that's if it didn't take a lot longer to get pregnant than when I was in my twenties. The best time biologically for us to get pregnant is in our 20's, why is this almost seen as a no-no. It seems the older you are the better. At the ages of 25-29, I was having the sleepless nights. There's no way I'd do it now.

I'm 36, had I done it in my 20's it would have been to a complete brute of a man who didn't deserve to be called human. I know many people who it happened for in there 20s and they were happy but I know just as many it didn't work out for as they were emotionally not ready for it and ended up resenting the child and were permanently trying to palm them off onto someone else as they felt like they were missing out. Some of us don't have a choice but to leave it till later. I didn't marry my OH till 2 years ago and his kids (adults) are only just finally not causing chaos so that we could think about this.

sassyblue

suki1001 wrote: »

I'm 36, there's no way I'd plan having a baby this late on. Given the risks of more things going wrong. Miscarriage, higher risk of birth defects, that's if it didn't take a lot longer to get pregnant than when I was in my twenties. The best time biologically for us to get pregnant is in our 20's, why is this almost seen as a no-no. It seems the older you are the better. At the ages of 25-29, I was having the sleepless nights. There's no way I'd do it now.

The trouble is, it can take two wages to pay a mortgage these days so couples often have no choice but to wait, as for the risks involved if you want a baby you prepare yourself the best you can and hope for the best - same as you do at any age of trying for a baby - we wouldn't do anything in life if we worried about the risks involved.

tea_lover

This reminds me a lot of the working/stay at home parents discussions. It seems like whatever we do, we feel the need to defend our choices and often feel that people who've done things differently are having a go.

In response to the OP, I'd say that even the best laid plans very rarely work out just as anticipated. It's nice to have an idea of what you want out of life, but once you start putting specifics and deadlines in, life has a way of messing things up.

I'm 33, my OH is nearly 40. We've been TTC for a good few years now, with no success so far. Sometimes, things just don't go as planned.

TeamLowe

OP i think the views expressed in this thread seem to go along with my view of having children- no matter when you have them, you'll be adamant that that was the right/only time to do things

Personally, my plan for having children was based on when i met the man i wanted to be their father, not a certain age as I wanted to raise my children in a stable, loving home. i was very lucky and met him when we was both just about to turn 22, we're now 25 and married and could afford for me to stay at home with the children. but unfortunately we haven't been lucky enough to be blessed with a child just yet.
I'm really really glad i made sure of a good relationship as we suffered a miscarriage in July and without him i wouldn't have gotten through it.

x x x

suki1001

unixgirluk wrote: »

I'm 36, had I done it in my 20's it would have been to a complete brute of a man who didn't deserve to be called human. I know many people who it happened for in there 20s and they were happy but I know just as many it didn't work out for as they were emotionally not ready for it and ended up resenting the child and were permanently trying to palm them off onto someone else as they felt like they were missing out. Some of us don't have a choice but to leave it till later. I didn't marry my OH till 2 years ago and his kids (adults) are only just finally not causing chaos so that we could think about this.

Ok, what I'm getting at is that it's not a bad thing to have them in your 20's if the circumstances are right. There seems to be this big, wait until you're 30 plus going on. I'm not saying have them for the sake of it. I have been with my oh since I was 22 and we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary recently. DD was actually a lovely surprise. Before this I was one of those "i'm not having a child until I'm at least 30" types. My point is, I'm so glad my daughter was a surprise, she was the best thing that happened to me. I was left thinking, why on earth did I want to wait until my 30's? It was a wonderful experience, I was mid twenties, so I didn't feel like I'd missed out on anything, I was in and still am in a very secure relationship, we were financially good.

There seems to be a concencious that you'd be mad to have children before 30. I don't think I'm the exception to the rule, but it's almost deemed unacceptable and irresponsible. You won't be as a good a mother in your 20's, your children will suffer if you can't afford to buy expensive holidays or the latest clothes (we have never been big holiday people, I've never felt without). Bizarelly, the marriages that I know who are struggling are women who have settled down later in life and have young children.

I can fully understand that circumstances do sometimes dictact life, but why on earth did I think it was better to wait, I almost felt stupid to have had that belief afterwards. Having children in my 20's was the best thing I could have ever done.

Uniscots97

Suki, it worked out for you but with age comes wisdom and out of about 25 friends of similar and older ages to myself only 1 of them is still with the person there were with at 20. At 20 you're generally naive and think the love will last forever, if you're lucky it does but unfortunately reality kicks in with the bills and stress. As for the medical risks, the younger you are (teens) the higher they are too. I know of one girl who thought it would be 'cool' to have a child at 16. The child is severly autistic and the girl doesn't want to know at all she's realised we were right and it was the wrong decision. All she wants to do is get drunk and party (she's 19 now), the child is in care and she gets an hour visit once a week to get a photo for her facebook so she can say she's a 'mummy'.

Each person has to make the decision based on their own circumstances and not on those around them.