should I confront him and if so how?

Seanymph

You're either trolling, or really deluded. I hope you are making it up because if you aren't you are in for a world of heartache.

You say that it was more easily forgiven early in the marriage, and is not now easy to forgive because he's doing it again and you've been together longer.

You say he cancelled his subscription two months after he met you and they are 'still in touch' from then.

Those two things would mean he never stopped. He has been continually emailing and in contact and sending personal photo's to women he, by now, has a relationship with.

You also say he would 'never' have an affair.

What rubbish. No one can ever say that - I would never say that about my OH, and I haven't ever caught him sending a text without telling me who it's to!

You have no idea.

This man is addicted to cheap thrills. He obviously didn't stop last time, all he did was delete an account you knew about, and carried on with the women who excite him in ways you don't. He shows no sign of wanting to focus on you and your relationship - but you are going to give him another chance? Why? He isn't prioritising you. As for having to put a child on hold - surely the person you choose to co-parent is the most important factor rather than your age?

I have never outright thought someone was making stuff up before - but I am sure you are making this up. No one can find out their entire marriage - indeed, their entire relationship as he must have been talking to these women before you were together 2 months and just never stopped - their entire relationship is founded on lies and deceit and thinks that's ok, I'll give him a chance.

It's not new, it's not minor, he has ongoing virtual sexual relations with women he met at the same time he met you and you are giving him a chance.

As for people who say you shouldn't have looked - if we don't look out for ourselves in this world no one else will, protecting ourselves involves making informed choices about who we share our body, and life with. Informed. People lie, cheat, steal, deceive - and we need to ensure we aren't being disadvataged. She didn't log on to check, she didn't hack into his account, he left it on, she looked. totally different.

yvonne13_2

Seanymph, I am so glad you meantioned the trolling because I started to suspect the same thing after the OP said her partner cancelled his account on the dating site yet the women were able to still contact him which is a load of rubbish.

How can people still contact you when the account is closed down unless they have exchanged personal emails and contact numbers? So my curiousness got to me and I looked at OP's other posts and surprise surprise OP deleted them before starting this thread, therefore I don't care for this thread as something is not right, why hide what was wrote before actually I don't care.

Seanymph

Thanks yvonne. I felt horrible typing it, I always ALWAYS give people the benefit of the doubt, and think 'well if it doesn't help them it may help someone reading'.

I feel much better knowing I wasn't alone in my suspicions.

daisiegg

yvonne13 wrote: »

Seanymph, I am so glad you meantioned the trolling because I started to suspect the same thing after the OP said her partner cancelled his account on the dating site yet the women were able to still contact him which is a load of rubbish.

How can people still contact you when the account is closed down unless they have exchanged personal emails and contact numbers? So my curiousness got to me and I looked at OP's other posts and surprise surprise OP deleted them before starting this thread, therefore I don't care for this thread as something is not right, why hide what was wrote before actually I don't care.

OP DID say that they were emailing each other via his personal email, not through his account on the dating site.

Wickedkitten

speckham wrote: »

I trust him not to cheat on me in the physical sense. In this virtual world where he seems to think he is don huan rather than a 5 ft 8 tubby bloke with glasses - I don't know. He has never met any of these girls and never will and he probably doesnt see the harm.

I wouldn't use the thought of him being a five foot eight tubby bloke with glasses as any guarantee of him not being able to cheat. Hes obviously good enough for you and that might be someone's else's cuppa as well.

Just sayin

Welshwoofs

Seanymph wrote: »

I have never outright thought someone was making stuff up before - but I am sure you are making this up. No one can find out their entire marriage - indeed, their entire relationship as he must have been talking to these women before you were together 2 months and just never stopped - their entire relationship is founded on lies and deceit and thinks that's ok, I'll give him a chance.

Actually I'd say that women finding their husbands/partners have been fooling around virtually with other women is a horribly familiar tale....and so is forgiving them.

I think people are becoming desensitised to behaviour that would once have been considered unforgivable. Before the Internet, can anyone imagine men or women walking past people they found attractive in the street and stopping them to hand over a polaroid of themselves naked? The mere thought sounds laughably stupid, yet many people do the equivalent online without a second thought and it seems to have become normalised as a result. Every time one of these threads comes up you'll get a healthy dose of people saying things along the lines of 'it's only virtual', 'it's just thrill seeking' and advising that unless the person's partner actually meets up to have sex with someone there's nothing to worry about.

I think that real people have taken the place of the top-shelf magazines and traditional !!!!!!. If you want cheap thrills it's probably far more satisfying to interact with a real person than jack off over a photo or video of professional !!!!!! stars. The problem is that where many partners probably wouldn't worry about a magazine or a video, they'll certainly worry if their husband is getting fruity online with Miss X from Doncaster because a) she's accessible in a way that Misty Pornstar from Iowa is not and b) it's not a job for Miss X from Doncaster

yvonne13_2

daisiegg wrote: »

OP DID say that they were emailing each other via his personal email, not through his account on the dating site.

I don't see that wrote anywhere, all I see is MSN message and that is totally different from email, so please show me where she put that unless I missed it then I take that bit back.

speckham

I am slightly confused as to some of the replies

*max* wrote: »

Really? That's how you think of your new husband?
I think you probably "settled" with him, rather than actually love him for who he is. I know I never ever thought of any of my boyfriends the way you do of your husband.

This is a bit harsh. I am not saying I don't love my husband. If I didn't love my husband and I had just settled then I probably wouldn't care if he was emailing other women. I would also be willing to walk away from an 8 month marriage without a second thought over this. I am not. The only reason I mentioned what my husbands looks was that the chance of him running off with a size 8 blond !!!!!! star who spreads her legs for the camera is highly unlikely. My husband is a very kind, funny and generous man whose tubby stature makes him excellent for cuddling I love him deeply otherwise I would not have married him. I also believe in marriage vows being for good and bad hence why I am not going to leave him without talking this through and giving it a chance.

speckham

Seanymph wrote: »

You're either trolling, or really deluded. I hope you are making it up because if you aren't you are in for a world of heartache.

I am not trolling. I am a genuine poster and am not sure why you would think I am trolling. Deluded may be

[/QUOTE] You say that it was more easily forgiven early in the marriage, and is not now easy to forgive because he's doing it again and you've been together longer.

You say he cancelled his subscription two months after he met you and they are 'still in touch' from then.[/QUOTE]

I said that it was more easily forgiven two months after we met, not two months after we were married. He cancelled his subscription when we moved in together in Mar 2009. He has been responding to emails from his personal account not one linked to a website.

[/QUOTE] I have never outright thought someone was making stuff up before - but I am sure you are making this up[/QUOTE]

Why?

speckham

yvonne13 wrote: »

I don't see that wrote anywhere, all I see is MSN message and that is totally different from email, so please show me where she put that unless I missed it then I take that bit back.

The first time was a saved MSN chat message on his pc. This time was his email account