Is there such thing as a happy marriage?

jayII

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I adore my husband and obviously haven't made myself clear if you think that I don't. Neither does it have very much to do with sexual activity, waning or not.

Much of this discussion is about use of language as I very much agree with Margaretclare's description of her feelings, although personally I wouldn't describe that as being "in love", but neither can I imagine being able to say " I love my husband to bits" and yet be separating from him as in LIBAD's case.

I don't have an opinion either way about your relationship. It sounds very different to mine and my OH's, but then you and I are different people, so that's not surprising.

I was responding to your post asking what someone would do when the passion wore off. In my case the passion hasn't waned in the slightest, if anything it has become stronger and I know other people in the same situation. I also know people who describe their relationship as you do yours and are no less happy than I am.

Ultimately, I don't think it matters as long as it works for the couple concerned. Equally, we can all advise, but only that couple can decide if they want to continue the relationship.

Lifeisbutadream

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

And then what happens when the passion in that relationship wears off and becomes love rather than in love - do you move on looking for it again?

Thats isnt the only thing that happened!

To be honest I doubt I will have another serious relationship - certainly not whilst the children are at home anyway.

Oldernotwiser

jayII wrote: »

I was responding to your post asking what someone would do when the passion wore off. In my case the passion hasn't waned in the slightest, if anything it has become stronger and I know other people in the same situation. I also know people who describe their relationship as you do yours and are no less happy than I am.
.

I think it depends what you mean by "passion".

I certainly believe that love grows stronger in a longer relationship but I don't think that most people can (or want to) carry on a relationship at the same intensity as in the first few weeks/months, which is what most people would describe as passion.

Lifeisbutadream

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Much of this discussion is about use of language as I very much agree with Margaretclare's description of her feelings, although personally I wouldn't describe that as being "in love", but neither can I imagine being able to say " I love my husband to bits" and yet be separating from him as in LIBAD's case.

I love lots of people (my friends, my brother etc.) but it doesnt mean that I can live with them

Oldernotwiser

Lifeisbutadream wrote: »

Thats isnt the only thing that happened!

To be honest I doubt I will have another serious relationship - certainly not whilst the children are at home anyway.

I do appreciate that there's a lot more to your situation. However, I also know of people who move from relationship to relationship, expecting to find one where the magic of the first few weeks will last forever, wrecking lives and wasting time doing so.

Oldernotwiser

Lifeisbutadream wrote: »

I love lots of people (my friends, my brother etc.) but it doesnt mean that I can live with them

We're back to use of language again.

I wouldn't say that I love my friends and certainly not that I "love them to bits". Some people use the word "love" for everything from TV programmes to their partner and children - others use it more selectively. As long as people are on the same wavelength it doesn't really matter, although it can cause confusion at times.:)

Lifeisbutadream

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I do appreciate that there's a lot more to your situation. However, I also know of people who move from relationship to relationship, expecting to find one where the magic of the first few weeks will last forever, wrecking lives and wasting time doing so.

17 years with just one man says that isnt my situation at all..

Lifeisbutadream

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

We're back to use of language again.

I wouldn't say that I love my friends and certainly not that I "love them to bits". Some people use the word "love" for everything from TV programmes to their partner and children - others use it more selectively. As long as people are on the same wavelength it doesn't really matter, although it can cause confusion at times.:)

I do love my friends though!

and my best friend I love to bits most definitely!

FBaby

jetplane wrote: »

Good example FBaby, as you point out this is compromise, its not changing the person as long as we only compromise within our own comfort zone.

I am like your partner I'm organised and tidy, my husband is not, and that is just one example of our differences, I will never change and neither will he, but we accept and respect our differences and have been successfully compromising for over 20 years now. :j

I agree with you, this is about compromise, but surely if you are prepared to compromise on something, it has to be long standing, otherwise, what is the point, and if it is long standing, doesn't it become a change?

The way I'm going, making sure that I'm tidy to my partner's standard, won't I just become...a tidy person?

I guess that's what I mean by changing. I expect with time, my partner will learn to open up more about his feelings. I don't want to change the essence of the person he is, but I do hope he becomes more communicative because it is very important to me. He is already much more open than he was when we met, and he said he has never opned up to anyone as he does to me. I think as time together evolves, compromises are made to make each other happy, one become more and more similar to the other.

Oldernotwiser

Lifeisbutadream wrote: »

I do love my friends though!

and my best friend I love to bits most definitely!

The only thing/person I would say I love is my husband and my parents when they were alive. That doesn't mean that my feelings for my friends is less than your feelings for yours, just that we use the word differently.

If people say that they love friends/pets/Corrie/chicken curry then they need to find another word to describe their feelings for their husband or partner, which seems to me to be why there may be a need to say they're "in love" to differentiate their feelings.