Is there such thing as a happy marriage?

mummyoftwomonkeys

I really feel for you because when I read your post it sounded just like me! Ive been married to my husband nearly 6 years and have 2 sons, most of the time I just see us as 2 people living in the same house. As I type this now hes asleep in bed. Most evenings Im sat alone watching the t.v or on the net while hes sat upstairs on his p.c. He loves our kids but will never do anything for them unless I ask. He watches them twice a week while Im at work but is always late getting their te or picking them up from school.

Oldernotwiser

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Really, what makes you think that? I think most people would love to.

I could live on that high every day for the rest of my life.:)

Could you? I think that you've forgotten about the lows that go with it and how it's almost impossible to live a normal life as well.

As Poet said, "life intervenes" and I have to say that it's a good thing it does.

Stormy_waters

mummyoftwomonkeys wrote: »

I really feel for you because when I read your post it sounded just like me! Ive been married to my husband nearly 6 years and have 2 sons, most of the time I just see us as 2 people living in the same house. As I type this now hes asleep in bed. Most evenings Im sat alone watching the t.v or on the net while hes sat upstairs on his p.c. He loves our kids but will never do anything for them unless I ask. He watches them twice a week while Im at work but is always late getting their te or picking them up from school.

No, you must be mistaken, it's my house you are talking about! :rotfl:

so sorry you are in the same situation. I was nervous about creating this thread at first but now I'm really glad I did. Firstly it made me realise I'm not alone and secondly I discovered that happy relationships do exist (with a lot of hard work). I'm feeling very positive now. Do you have a book I mentioned above?

meritaten

Good luck to you Stormy and I hope you make things work.
Just give it a realistic timescale - I dont mean weeks or months - but do you honestly want to be posting the same thing in five years time?

nickyhutch

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

And then what happens when the passion in that relationship wears off and becomes love rather than in love - do you move on looking for it again?

Genuine question - why not?

jayII

Stormy_waters wrote: »

After some serious thinking over the last couple of days I've come to the conclusion that things aren't half as bad as I was picturing them.

I have to agree with those who believe that you can love but not necessarily be in love with someone. I think that's where I am now with my OH. I still love him and still want to fight for us, that's why I'm here discussing this afterall. I've also reread a few chapters of John Grays "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus". This book is a bible for anybody struggling in their relationship and I would recommend it to anyone. The difficult part is sticking to the new wisdom, that's where I've always failed in the past. I'm going to try my best to persuade my OH to read it with me so he learns more about female psycology and the art of communication. He's never been interested in reading it even though I suggested it several times but hopefully this time it'll be different.

On somebodys advice I'm going to try and make small personal changes to both my own and our lives by trying to be a bit more romantic, etc. Let's give it three months and see what happens. Fingers crossed I might come back here a new much happier person.

I've also thought of creating a separate thread named something like "One nice thing I did for my partner today" to help me and other in similar situation to get some ideas. Any thoughts on this?

Also wanted to say huge thanks to those who PMd me, seeing that some people are in far more difficult situations made me put things into perspective and think hard about what I want from my marriage. Good luck to all of you whichever decision you make and hope it works out for the best.

It's great that you feel more positive, sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees.

If he won't read the book you could always pull a couple of key points out of it and tell him about them. (Or throw it at him...I'm joking, honest m'lord. )

Be careful that you don't become resentful of being the only one to change, you might want to suggest (to him) small things one-off he can do for you/the household, so it doesn't become too one sided. Things like make you a cup of tea, tidy the living room while you cook, read the children a story, and similar. Only my opinion though.

I'm not sure about the 'nice thing' thread, I'd be inclined to make it more general, like 'doing a nice thing for another person'. But then again, why not "partner''? It won't hurt to try it.

Good luck, rough patches in marriages can be so hard, but the rewards of working things out can be priceless.

Wickedkitten

Just try to focus on the positives without dwelling too much on the negatives

poet123

nickyhutch wrote: »

Genuine question - why not?

Genuine question- is there a limit to how many times you would consider doing this? If so, why?

FOX_HOUND

Just have hot sex.

Cures most ills.

jayII

FOX_HOUND wrote: »

Just have hot sex.

Cures most ills.

Totally agree. Send the kids away for the night and enjoy. :cool: