Internet Dating Discussion

Errata

Nobody needs only a couple of great matches, the odds of a reply are far greater from the vast number of good enough matches.

rze1979

I would also say 'my single friend'. I put my friend on there and she met some nice guys for dates.
She seemed to think people were more genuine on there than match.com - don't know if its anything to do with the fact that someone else has to write up about you so you don't tend to get so many people who think they are gods gift and really blow their own trumpet or fib on their profiles??

Good luck with your search:)

floss2

I met my OH on Faceparty in 2003, we're getting married later this year.

I was "trawling" photos one night, and spotted an intriguing pic...read a bit further and then sent a comment relating to his profile & hobbies...he emailed back, we emailed & MSN'd & spoke on the phone for a while, met up at a big local shopping centre (with a mate on call if needed) and the rest is history

I agree with it taking time...OH and I were both "looking" for over 12 months, I had 2 or 3 short relationships before meeting him, and I know he went on quite a few dates too.

DigitalJedi

Hi mate

I used to use dating sites but now have a long term GF. However, I did have some success on there and learned a lot over time. I could probably talk about this all day but here are some of the lessons I learned:

• You need to be honest with yourself. If you look like Johnny Vegas, then its unlikely a woman who looks like Liz Hurley will reply. Women are much more concious than us men about how attractive they are. If she's a 10/10, chances are she will know it. By all means send her a message but don't realistically expect her to respond.

• You have to have good pictures. I saw one overweight guy who was wearing a superman T-Shirt. No no no! Get some different photos. Ideally each one should paint a small story about you. So for example have one with some friends (inc. some females if you can). This says "look I have friends and not a loser". Another with you looking smart which says "Look, i scrub up ok". Or if you have a suitable hobby like skiing, or rock climbeing etc. which says "Look I have hobbies". Try to avoid ones with drunken pals or you with your top off. Neither of which paint a good picture. It's called social proof. Also, look at the ladies profiles. You'll soon see the "larger" ladies will often post an old photo or one held up shooting downwards to get the most flattering angles. They are more aware than us blokes on these things.

• Your profile text should be short and to the point. Tell the ladies what you are wanting out of this. What sort of people you like and dislike. Women like men who are confident and know what they want. A man should be a man, nobody wants a moodle.

• If possible add something funny to show you have a sense of humour.
• If you have an interesting job, mention it. Give them an "in", lead them to ask you a question. If you give everything away on your profile, why bother messaging you? If you ramble on too long you could be boring in real life.
• Women (esp. the pretty ones) are generally inundated with messages. When you are faced with an inbox of 100 messages, you cannot read them all and give them all replies. You take a peek at their profile and you get about 2-3 seconds tops. So your profile needs to stand out.
• Your first message should also be interesting. Your target will be getting 100's of mail's which go something along the lines of: "Hi babes, you are gorgeous. How about some no strings attached sex?" or "My name is Bob, i am 33 years old and I live in xxxfield, drive a BMW and <snore>" you get my drift? Try to pick something out of their profile which shows you actually read it. That will put you aside from the obvious cut & paste jobs.
• Lastly, it really is a numbers game. If you mail 100 ladies and get 10 replies then you are doing well. If out of those ten you get to actually meet 2 then you've done very very well. There are loads of reasons why women don't end up meeting you even after they reply. Sometimes its fear, sometimes you find out they were never serious in the first place. Who cares what the reason is. You need to have a thick skin and use the machine gun tactic.

ali-t

DigitalJedi wrote: »

You'll soon see the "larger" ladies will often post an old photo or one held up shooting downwards to get the most flattering angles. They are more aware than us blokes on these things.

Many people post their most flattering pics that are often 3-5 years and stones ago!

MassEffectFan

Wow! Thanks for all the replies! I wasn't expecting a response like this and it was nice to come home and have all this to read through! :-)

MySingleFriend sounds interesting but I'm a bit embarassed to ask any friends to write anything like that - I'm not sure how they'd react to me using dating sites (in fact I know a couple of them would try and talk me out of it)! I'll check it out later on and see...

TalulahBeige - I am quite conscious of what I put in a message and usually spend quite a bit of time on it. I always felt that if I liked the sound of someone from their profile, making a bit of an effort with the message would show that I'm not just someone copying and pasting. I always pick out things from the profile - not because I thought it was the right thing but because when I send someone a message, it usually is because something in their profile has caught my eye and I'm genuinely interested. I'm not very good at talking about myself though, as in 'I like this, I do that...' - maybe that's where I'm going wrong?

Bufger - nope, I don't use the MassEffectFan name on those sites. A couple of the women I messged on one of the sites were quite hardcore gamers though! That was one of the thigns that interested me. I guess they were too busy gaming to message me back, though! lol I'm not a heavy gamer - I'm more of a-couple-of-hours-when-I-have-nothing-better-to-do kind of gamer. I kind of miss the Mako missions in ME2, though!

Steel - that's a good idea, I shall post an example message on here later - I'd certainly appreciate any pointers as to weher I'm going wrong, thanks. I hope I'm not narrowing things too much - I'm basically looking for someone who shares at least one of my interests, is a bit geeky (like me) and has a good sense of humour. I'm not into any one particular look, hair colour or anything like that. Someone around my age (I'm 30), who looks after herself (so no missing teeth or a chain cigar smoker or something!), is positive and meets the earlier points would sound good to me! :-)

Redman30 and millym - I saw a few points about people getting hundreds of emails a day... wow! I'd be pretty chuffed with just a couple! lol Oh, I never look mean and moody in my pics... that just wouldn't be me (and would probably look comical anyway! lol). I probably could do with a better pic though - the one I ahve is ok but is from me on holiday last year... unfortunately I find it hard to keep a straight face for pictures (that probably makes it sound like I'm gurning in it or something now... I'm not! lol). I was thinking of maybe getting a professional pic taken - with proper lighting and things like that... or would that look like I'm trying too hard?

DigitalJedi - (cool name, by the way!) I don't look like Johnny Vegas (luckily!), I'm not particularly hung up on looks, I'd rather find someone I can enjoy being with, who shares one or maybe more of my interests and that would make feel really happy to spend time with. Someone you really look forward to seeing because they make you laugh and have endless conversatione - even if it's about nothing. Wow! Mail 100? I don't think I've found a site that has 100 women that sound like what I'm looking for... guess that's part of the problem too!

Thanks again everyone - really appreciate your advice! :-)

- Gord

Cazza

Hi MassEffectFan,

I met my boyfriend on Freedating last year, we've been together 6 months now and so far so good. Being a free site, we've both said that you need to have a pretty finely tuned wierdo radar! The advice other people have given is great and absolutely true. I really struggled to write a profile and my friend ended up doing it for me, which I think probably gave a much better idea of "me", it wasn't how I would have described myself at all.

When you do write your messages, it's great that you're careful with what you write, I could tell the cut and paste messages a mile off. The messages I replied to most were about the same length as you've written to individual people in your post above. They always said something about my profile, so I felt they were genuinely interested in me. They also always asked a question too - it made it much easier to reply and get into a conversation.

Two of my male friends and one female friend have also been on that website. From what they've all said, men have a much tougher time than women on there, my male friends only go 10% of the messages my female friend and I did. Having said that, both of the male friends are now also in relationships, but you do need really thick skin!! X

samhuzz

I met my partner on datetheuk. He was living in Oxfordshire at the time and I live in Leicestershire. So it might be worth casting your net further afield, if you see what I mean. He moved up to live with me. I have got two kids and am getting divorced from someone else at the mo, so I think if I can meet someone, anyone can! OP, you sound really nice, I have a single friend from work who is on eHarmony, how old are you, maybe I could fix you up!

mumof1and1ontheway

plentyoffish is a good one. but obv there are people who want all types of relationships, who just want fun etc. so the best way is to make your profile as clear as you can as to which type of people you are looking for and what you are looking for. and to describe your interests and things as much as you can. then you have a better chance of people emailing you who are genuinly interested rather than asking you things they can see from a detailed profile.

also... just get chatting to people who you seem interested with. have a little list of questions to ask each person to help you find out much more about them. and dont rush things.

its much better to chat online for a few months or longer before thinking of anything more, than to rush in and meet many people who just arnt right? hth

Souk08

Hey, I've used a few sites for fun and as a female with a decent pic you do get inundated so don't take it too personally!!!

I agree with all the above advice but would also add to try and make sure that you sound positive ie I'd run a mile from a guy who says things like 'back on again after being hurt' or 'been hurt before'. Who hasn't and it's not appealing or sexy for a strong woman to think she will have to nurse and nag a man along!