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Internet Dating Discussion

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  • Hi there,

    I posted on here a while ago and have come back to ask for some more advice!

    Well, I've been trying a few different dating sites and have noticed a very common pattern... I find someone who sounds like a great match, I send them an email. They read it.... and that's it. No reply, nothing.

    The first few times, I put it down to people simply being rude but it seems to happen on every site I visit... I don't think I'm particularly bad looking and I don't get that out in 'real life' so I'm just wondering what the deal is and, more importantly, can someone recommend a site where people aren't weird and actually do reply to messages?

    I had more success on a PenPals website but they're mostly people that live in other countries... not a very realistic prospect for a relationship! At least they replied though!

    I was tempted to try eHarmony but I've already tried one paysite and had the usual 'read but no reply' cycle on there, felt pretty ripped off after that so I'm keen to not repeat it.

    I don't think my profile is bad, I always type out a nice intro email so I just don't get it! I'm a perfectly stable person, have my own house, good job... I really am at the point of just giving up and resigning to becoming a hermit or a monk or something! lol

    So far I've tried PlentyofFish (absolutely terrible - aside from nobody ever replying, I found some very sinister characters lurking in the forums there! I quickly deleted my profile from that place!). I tried Geek2Geek (fits my personality but for a site supposedly for geeks to meet other geeks... I wasn't terribly convinced about the 'geekiness' of most women in there!). I've also tried LargeFriends.com (paid for that - feel pretty ripped off) - I'm not looking for any particular body type or anything but I found someone there who lived in the same town as me, sounded great and - yep, read but no reply... I've since tried to justify paying to join that thing by messaging a few other people but it's the same old thing.

    Oh - I tried Match.com a couple of years ago when a friend recommended it... I wasn't impressed at all. I did get a couple of replies on there but didn't feel I really connected with anyone there.

    So I'm at a bit of a loss now. I'd like to do outdoor activities and meet people that way but work just doesn't grant me the time for doing much of that right now.

    Any advice or recommendations would be appreciated!

    Thanks

    - G
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I met my OH on mysinglefriend.com which seemed to have more 'ordinary' people. I dated 3 people from there, all perfectly nice and normal and a bit on the geeky side!

    Its free to join and browse and then you pay to send abd receive messages, but it has a good success rate, a lot of members and I think the site features are good.
  • Kate78
    Kate78 Posts: 525 Forumite
    Yeah, My Single Friend is a good one and you can see who is a member before registering :)
    Barclaycard 0% - [STRIKE]£1688.37 [/STRIKE] Paid off 10.06.12
  • Advice from a dating website long termer who is now marrying the man of her dreams she eventually met on one.

    What do you put in your initial e-mail? Is it long and rambly or short and too the point? Too long and people get bored, too short and it sounds like you have sent the same e-amil to various people and are fishing for a response. Do you just talk about yourself? Peoples natural behaviour is to talk about themselves but someone you havent met before doesn't want to just hear you you you, they want to be asked about themselves too so say something about yourself and then ask the same thing about them.

    Also, your comment about people not replyign sounds a bit paranoid, maybe you come across that way in yuor e-mail / profile?

    I used to go with my gut feelings about people, they might have written me a nice e-mail but if i looked at their profile and they didnt appeal i wouldnt return the contact.
    And before you comment on not replying being rude, i learnt the hard way that replying to all e-mails can turn into hassle! I Once replied to a bloke saying thans but no thanks and got a torrent of abuse in response. I also ended up with an online stalker because he didnt want to take "sorry ive met someone and want to see how that goes" as an answer.

    Maybe the people you are contacting are seeing how it goes with someone else and feel its "cheating" to reply to someone else, they should take their profile down but hey we all dont always do what we should do.

    I've also never heard of 2 out of the 3 you have tried, maybe you should try a more mainstream one? Most of them do free trials where you can get a feel, pick a weekend you have lots of free time and spend a few hours doing your profile and contacting people and then see what happens. Quidco etc also do cashback on these sites so it can be cheaper than you think.

    above all i would say dont be paranoid if people dont respond, its not personal, how can it be when all they have to judge you on is a pic (often these are terrible anyway) and a few words.

    It can also take time to meet people, persoanlly i tried on and off for 3 years or so, went on plenty of dates, some of which developed into full blown relationships, some of which were with absolute idiots. I eventually ended up with someone who i wouldnt have thought I would have!
    On the other hand I was the first person my OH met. A fried of mine also met her future husband on one too.
  • i tried match about 2 years ago, and still with my "partner" gf for the past 18 months!
    ( I find it funny what to call her OH, GF , Woman, LOL)
    as said a description and a pic dont say much but...... persevere, if you want to. Or give it a rest and try not to worry and take some me time out. There isnt a quick fix and it will take time, and i bet like buses 3-4 will arrive at once. Good Luck!
  • Bufger
    Bufger Posts: 1,857 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
    i think calling yourself masseffectfan isnt a start, whats your username on these sites? (dont tell us, just make sure its not detrimental to what you're trying to achieve).

    Masseffectfan to me says you sit on your xbox/ps3 for long periods at a time. Subconciously that says to me that you wouldnt be suitable to alot of women as you wouldnt spend time with them as much as they would like etc. Remember a womans brain can be a scarey thing, its made up of tangental thoughts!

    Good luck fella, hope you find someone and it works out :)

    btw ME2 rocks, so much better than driving around in the Mako for 5 hours at a time!
    MFW - <£90k
    All other debts cleared thanks to the knowledge gained from this wonderful website and its users!
  • Steel_2
    Steel_2 Posts: 1,649 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    edited 15 April 2010 at 3:03PM
    I met my husband on udate.com but that was 6 years ago so a lot may have changed.

    Are you able to post an example email of something you sent to someone so we might be able to give you some pointers?

    BTW if you have an option for the type of person you would like to meet, don't be too narrow. If you require people that are (for example) 18-24, blonde, short, and highly educated your chances drop dramtically. Make your spectrum wide and decide on a case by case basis. Internet dating is just a numbers game and a bit like business networking. The more people you can be in contact with the more likely it is something will happen.

    I also found having some kind of saying or quote in my profile helped. It gave people something to start a conversation with. Occasionally it even gave me an opening to start a conversation with.
    "carpe that diem"
  • i tried friends reunited dating a few years ago met some really nice guys on there two of whom are still best friends and one of whom i married lol so there are some people out there who will reply altho sayin that i did meet some decidedly dodgy men through the site too lol
  • Redman30
    Redman30 Posts: 1,977 Forumite
    There's a lot of reasons people don't reply, some of these can be:

    They're emailing someone else and don't want to have too many on the go at once.

    They're emailing someone else, and don't want to reply yet in case they need you later.

    They're on a dating site because they have unrealistic expectations or a very specific type - and you're not it.

    They've got a good profile pic and are being inundated with emails/winks and get to the stage of just deleting a pile, or emailing the bloke who looks like a model.

    They don't like your profile or picture.

    The site has left their profile up despite them not having logged in for the last 3 years, in order to have more 'available' people on display.


    You get the idea. Don't take it to heart, internet dating can be fairly soul destroying, but just try the scattergun approach and keep trying.
    My very first date off the internet was with an amazing woman and we were together for a while, other things got in the way. I've had a fair few others that weren't so amazing too.

    And at the moment I've given up dating all together, I need a rest because it is damn hard work!
  • millym
    millym Posts: 240 Forumite
    Hi, I do feel for you. My sister joined a few forums when she split up with her ex. I can't remember the names, except that one was called loopy love or something like that.

    Now, she is very cute, and from day one, she was absolutely inundated with messages, and I'm talking hundreds a day. So bear in mind that you will probably just be one of many people contacting a particular woman.

    Things that made her reply were:

    The message seemed to be written to her personally ie mentioning something specific about her own profile.

    Username had persons name in it eg markd2000. rather than something like lonelylad etc.

    Sense of humour. She always responded to people who wrote light-hearted messages rather than ones that, for instance said, "no-one ever replies" or stuff about being lonely, down etc.

    Having something in common. It can really break the ice if you both like the same music etc.

    Have an interesting profile. She sometimes would like the sound of someone, but if their profile didn't have a lot of detail on it, or had very standard answers like enjoy reading, swimming, she would not reply.

    Smile in your profile pic! Forget the mean and moody look that so many men do.

    Sense of humour. I know, I've already said it, but a witty message can override some of the other points I've mentioned.

    Finally, have a look at other mens' profiles to see what they have written about themselves, and imagine what a woman would think when reading it.

    HTH
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