So - your 8 year old is having a tantrum... do you?

Padz_2

Thanks to everyone who has posted and given their thoughts. I will check back tomorrow.

Your input has been much appreciated.

dizziblonde

balletshoes wrote: »

No-one has said "must have" a disability - just that it was a possibility - and we've all said an apology was in order too to the lady who had been hit accidentally, haven't we? Or am I reading a different thread?

Funny cos I've seen a heck of a lot of excuse making going on...the OP must have been too close (standing in a queue), the OP was making an issue of it... the OP this... the OP that...

I remember getting a gobful once - the footy club I used to have a season ticket to did a deal where they sold tickets for less-desireable matches very cheaply through local schools - got rid of their surplus and made the stadium look full, school got some money, club got potential new crowd members... anyway - had a family on one of those deals behind me one matchday and the kid was kicking the back of the chair and above it - so basically booting me in the back of the neck. I did nothing more than turn around to glance at what was hitting me in the neck repeatedly - no tutting, no comments, nothing... and got a 10 minute barrage of swearing from the parents about how evil I was for giving their kid aggro yadda yadda yadda. These days I'd have gone and commented to the stewards, not for the neck kicking (it was neck because of the incline of the seats before any of the pedants get on), but for the verbal abuse I go - but back then I wasn't so assertive and they were very very aggressive in it all. Not that anyone would have backed me against a pair of parents - albeit very aggressive and unpleasant ones anyway.

And yeah it rattled me for a good few hours afterward that I'd just stood by and had it happen to me - so I do understand the OP not so much dwelling on it - but having it play through their mind afterwards.

Nicki

moomoomama27 wrote: »

I also hate the line of disability being trawled out! Yes there's a chance, but most good parents would explain that should that be the case, especially of a child of that age! More than likely she was just a little s!!t, with no manners, spoilt rotten.

Really? There are no hard and fast rules of course, but my own experience of children is that it is relatively uncommon for a "normal" 8 year old child to behave so badly. Yes to answer back or be cheeky, but to throw herself around and windmill her arms? Not impossible certainly, and there are some very badly behaved children of all ages around, but mostly by age 8 the tantrum age in that form is long over. Conversely, it is relatively common for a child with autism or ADHD or a similar disability to react in the way described. Again, not all children with these conditions will do so, and it can be possible to divert or avoid the situation, but it is often a feature of these kinds of disabilities.

So whilst there is no way of knowing whether or not this child did have a disability (whilst OP is 100% sure she didn't, she is not necessarily 100% right ), I don't think that it can be said that is more likely than not that the child was just a badly behaved brat, or that this should be the automatic assumption when an older child is seen having a meltdown in a public place.

Saturnalia

Low blood sugar can cause aggressive tantrums in a person with diabetes or hypoglyceamia especially if they are a bit late eating - though that can probably be ruled out as if thay were the problem, the parent would be rushing to get something sugary into the child and quickly.

mishkanorman

The OP asked for peoples thoughts on the matter - or excuses as some like to call it, pretty pointless thread if we were all supposed to gasp in horror and post the same thing all agreeing with each other !?

pink_princess

pigpen wrote: »

Apologise to the lady who was hit.. it wasnt deliberate.. take my child home and send them to their room and they would get toast later if they were lucky and Id treat myself to a takeaway.

BUT... it is quite possible a child of that age having a tantrum may have an unseen disability such as Aspergers or other autistic spectrum disorder or learning difficulty.. while many children run amok, many middle aged women are too quick to jump to the conclusion it is the parent at fault.

Surely in that scenario the parent/adult with the child would of apologised? Maybe even of offered an explanation.

mishkanorman

pink_princess wrote: »

Surely in that scenario the parent/adult with the child would of apologised? Maybe even of offered an explanation.

If I had a disabled/special needs child I wouldnt want to spend my life offering up explanations to total strangers, sure an apology was due if it happened as in the OP but it must get quite soul destroying to not get a little empathy from people towards your child without broadcasting their 'label' first.

Gingham_R

pink_princess wrote: »

Surely in that scenario the parent/adult with the child would of apologised? Maybe even of offered an explanation.

That is possible. An apology certainly but I wonder how many times I'd be prepared to 'explain' before deciding not to bother, or just being too tired to do so.

minimoneysaver

This thread has gone silly, the way all other threads concerning children's behaviour in public do. Disability or not, it costs nothing for a parent to say sorry if someone is hurt or inconvenienced by a child's behaviour. I've worked with children in all age groups with ADHD, autism etc. Nothing makes bad behaviour acceptable. Almost all children can learn about acceptable public behaviour. Of course it doesn't mean that sometimes blips happen, but that is up to the adult in charge to take charge of the situation and make right when possible. Keeping in mind that sometimes trying to control the child and maintain safety takes paramount importance...even over other people in the vicinity.

moomoomama27

Nicki wrote: »

Really? There are no hard and fast rules of course, but my own experience of children is that it is relatively uncommon for a "normal" 8 year old child to behave so badly. Yes to answer back or be cheeky, but to throw herself around and windmill her arms? Not impossible certainly, and there are some very badly behaved children of all ages around, but mostly by age 8 the tantrum age in that form is long over. Conversely, it is relatively common for a child with autism or ADHD or a similar disability to react in the way described. Again, not all children with these conditions will do so, and it can be possible to divert or avoid the situation, but it is often a feature of these kinds of disabilities.

So whilst there is no way of knowing whether or not this child did have a disability (whilst OP is 100% sure she didn't, she is not necessarily 100% right ), I don't think that it can be said that is more likely than not that the child was just a badly behaved brat, or that this should be the automatic assumption when an older child is seen having a meltdown in a public place.

I work in a school, and believe me there are alot of children with no disability that throw temper tantrums at that age and above! It's actually alot more common that one thinks.

Ofrcourse on the flip side there's every possiblitly that there could have been a disability, but I don't think one should assume that, unless told. Unfortunatley there are ALOT of badly behaved children, with rubbishy parents around, and it's becoming more and more cmmonplace to see it, than ever before. Which is sad.