So - your 8 year old is having a tantrum... do you?

meritaten

this has happened to me too! in my case the child was about six and having a right strop - while mum unconcernedly texted away on her mobile! so yes - I complained to the mum! but not about being hit so much (the child was flailing his arms and legs about and it COULD have been accidental), but because mum was making no effort to calm the child or take them out of the situation!
I have a nephew with severe autism and when he kicks off its a sight to behold - but his mum just removes him with apologies!
my GD is ADHD and I have had to take her out of places too!
havent had that prob with Aspergers GS - but his thing is saying very politically incorrect things in a VERY loud voice!

ash28

Padz wrote: »

Your child is kicking off because the carvery restaurant have run out of gammon and turkey and you need to go somewhere else. You've given the child the choice of staying there and eating something different from the menu but she demands a carvery. You decide to go elsewhere and tell your child but your child says "But I wanted to eat HERE!" and throws herself round in a temper hitting a stranger on the arm in the process.


A) Apologise to the poor innocent middle-aged woman in the queue who was struck by your child flailing their arms around in a temper? Or maybe ask your child to say sorry?

Have a stand up row with the stranger because they complained about being hit?

Thoughts appreciated. Thanks.

Wouldn't have happened in the first place with mine - well not beyond the age of about 3 anyway.

I would apologise to the woman and take the child home - why would someone want to have a row with someone their child has just hit, the child was behaving badly not the person hit and it sends a message to the child that bad behaviour is fine - regardless.

Heaven help the parents if they let a child get away with that at 8 what will be like at 18. I've seen it in one or two of our children's friends - they don't change they just get bigger.

Nicki

Ames wrote: »

But surely you can add the explanation into the apology? I understand that a parent might not want to have to explain that the child has difficulties, but on the occasions when someone else is involved, as in this case by being hit, then surely it's a time when a brief explanation is needed.

Just to make it clear - I'm not saying apologise for the child having an illness, but apologies for the bystander being hit with an explanation of why.

Yes you can. Here is my thread about what happened to us once when we did just that though.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3408393=

I am not saying that this is anything like what happened today with OP, but not everyone will accept an apology, or accept that a child does have a disability.

dizziblonde

Wondered how many posts before the "must have a disability" line came out. Disability or not - you apologise to someone who's been physically hit by your child - even just a "sorry, she's autistic" or whatever - because other people have the blooming right to be able to stand in a queue without being caught in the crossfire anyway!

ash28

sassyblue wrote: »

I'm guessing that both occurred, in which case you apologise to the woman for being hit as the temper-tantruming daughter is never going to calm down quickly enough to do it.

Why would anyone argue with the woman for complaining about being hit?! It's annoying yes, but not the womans fault.

The daughter meanwhile goes home to eat bread and butter and loses all treats for a month.

Bread AND butter - you're too soft!!!!

Ames

Nicki wrote: »

Yes you can. Here is my thread about what happened to us once when we did just that though.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3408393=

I am not saying that this is anything like what happened today with OP, but not everyone will accept an apology, or accept that a child does have a disability.

Yes, I remember that thread, and the woman was clearly out of order.

mishkanorman

You must have been standing pretty close to be hit on the arm ?? Perhaps they felt you were being awkward and making a difficult situation worse. Certainly doesnt sound like rational behaviour on the part of the child or the reaction you were given.

If it was my child, they would have been dragged out and i would have given my apologies (had I noticed it happen)

Padz_2

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

But what were you complaining about? "Your child has just hit me" seems to be stating the obvious. I'd expect an apology, but if the parent doesn't have the wit to offer one I'd move away.

But I am perhaps coloured by what happened to me several years ago: I said to a child of probably a similar age to this that they had hurt me and could do with learning some manners: this child had pushed in front of DS1 and me to get on and off a trailer ride on a farm. No adult was with them for the ride, and I said this because they HAD hurt me by grabbing my arm VERY hard, and I needed DS1 to know that it wasn't good manners to push in.

And as I say, I was bawled out. A woman came storming over and shouted at me because the child was autistic, and couldn't I see that? Well actually, no, I couldn't. I kind of assumed that if the child was OK to go on a ride unaccompanied, then they knew how to behave appropriately, and grabbing hold of random strangers by the arm didn't seem to be appropriate to me. There was a clue - if you know anything about autism, which at the time I didn't - in that this child had repeated things over and over again and gone on a bit.

However, I didn't think I'd achieve anything by arguing back with this woman, so I moved away.

I couldn't really move away as I was in the queue waiting to be served. I could've left the carvery and gone somewhere else but why should I?

Padz_2

mishkanorman wrote: »

You must have been standing pretty close to be hit on the arm ?? Perhaps they felt you were being awkward and making a difficult situation worse. Certainly doesnt sound like rational behaviour on the part of the child or the reaction you were given.

If it was my child, they would have been dragged out and i would have given my apologies (had I noticed it happen)

It was just a queue. People don't have six foot gaps between them in a queue.

The woman had moved back behind me because she wanted to leave but the child was still at the front wailing about wanting to stay there. Mother took an age to persuade her and then child turned to leave finally but windmilled her arms around in a temper and hit me.

An apology would sufficed.

sassyblue

Padz wrote: »

I said "Ow" and looked at the mother who was standing next to me and told her that her child had hit me.

And she proceeded to have a go at you?! :rotfl: I think you've sadly encountered what l call a chav family, no regard for anyone else but themselves and no manners to boot.

As for the disability bit, my judgement is based on my SIL who always made excuses for her autistic son but l think even when you're out situations can be dealt with without the child needing to lash out and if they're prone to do that then you make doubly sure they're not near people or in places where they can causes such a scene. (My SIL would have offered up the excuse 'he's autistic' as if that excuses all behaviour, it doesn't IMO!)