So - your 8 year old is having a tantrum... do you?

sassyblue

I'm guessing that both occurred, in which case you apologise to the woman for being hit as the temper-tantruming daughter is never going to calm down quickly enough to do it.

Why would anyone argue with the woman for complaining about being hit?! It's annoying yes, but not the womans fault.

The daughter meanwhile goes home to eat bread and butter and loses all treats for a month.

Padz_2

Yes it was me who was hit. Have spoken to a few people about it and they agree with me that it was outrageous behaviour. Was obviously not deliberate on the child's part but that is hardly the point.

Bluemeanie_2

There's no way all the children I see behaving badly have some sort of disability. Although I agree it is possible that some have, I really don't think it is the case 95% of the time.

Nicki

pigpen wrote: »

Apologise to the lady who was hit.. it wasnt deliberate.. take my child home and send them to their room and they would get toast later if they were lucky and Id treat myself to a takeaway.

BUT... it is quite possible a child of that age having a tantrum may have an unseen disability such as Aspergers or other autistic spectrum disorder or learning difficulty.. while many children run amok, many middle aged women are too quick to jump to the conclusion it is the parent at fault.

Exactly what I thought when I read the opening post!

My DD is autistic with severe learning difficulties and it is not impossible that she would react in exactly that way if she had been told she was going to one place to eat, and the plans had to change when she wasn't expecting it. As would 90% of the severely autistic children at the special school she goes to. In fact this situation is the very one the National Autistic Society uses to explain the nature of autism in its Early Bird training programme. My DD is a baby in a 10 year old's body, as are a lot of kids with hidden disabilities and that isn't always obvious to a complete stranger at first sight.

So my answer to the question would be unequivocally A. I would immediately apologise to the stranger and try to take my child home with as little fuss as possible. However, if having apologised to the stranger, that stranger then intervened while I was trying to calm my child and deal with the situation, and possibly commented negatively on her behaviour or how I was dealing with it, then it is not impossible I would then follow up with B.

Padz_2

I'm 100% sure that the child was not autistic. I've been a teacher for more years than I care to admit and I can usually tell. Plus it was a girl and autism is less common in girls. Child was wearing a sweatshirt from local Junior school.

sassyblue

Padz wrote: »

Yes it was me who was hit. Have spoken to a few people about it and they agree with me that it was outrageous behaviour. Was obviously not deliberate on the child's part but that is hardly the point.

How did you complain about being hit?

balletshoes

Bluemeanie wrote: »

There's no way all the children I see behaving badly have some sort of disability. Although I agree it is possible that some have, I really don't think it is the case 95% of the time.

granted - but you can't always tell from looking at someone that they have a disability or health problem.

My answer is definitely A, then child straight home and no treats until they can show they can behave themselves appropriately.

Ames

pigpen wrote: »

Apologise to the lady who was hit.. it wasnt deliberate.. take my child home and send them to their room and they would get toast later if they were lucky and Id treat myself to a takeaway.

BUT... it is quite possible a child of that age having a tantrum may have an unseen disability such as Aspergers or other autistic spectrum disorder or learning difficulty.. while many children run amok, many middle aged women are too quick to jump to the conclusion it is the parent at fault.

But surely you can add the explanation into the apology? I understand that a parent might not want to have to explain that the child has difficulties, but on the occasions when someone else is involved, as in this case by being hit, then surely it's a time when a brief explanation is needed.

Just to make it clear - I'm not saying apologise for the child having an illness, but apologies for the bystander being hit with an explanation of why.

Padz_2

sassyblue wrote: »

How did you complain about being hit?

I said "Ow" and looked at the mother who was standing next to me and told her that her child had hit me.

Savvy_Sue

Padz wrote: »

Yes it was me who was hit. Have spoken to a few people about it and they agree with me that it was outrageous behaviour. Was obviously not deliberate on the child's part but that is hardly the point.

But what were you complaining about? "Your child has just hit me" seems to be stating the obvious. I'd expect an apology, but if the parent doesn't have the wit to offer one I'd move away.

But I am perhaps coloured by what happened to me several years ago: I said to a child of probably a similar age to this that they had hurt me and could do with learning some manners: this child had pushed in front of DS1 and me to get on and off a trailer ride on a farm. No adult was with them for the ride, and I said this because they HAD hurt me by grabbing my arm VERY hard, and I needed DS1 to know that it wasn't good manners to push in.

And as I say, I was bawled out. A woman came storming over and shouted at me because the child was autistic, and couldn't I see that? Well actually, no, I couldn't. I kind of assumed that if the child was OK to go on a ride unaccompanied, then they knew how to behave appropriately, and grabbing hold of random strangers by the arm didn't seem to be appropriate to me. There was a clue - if you know anything about autism, which at the time I didn't - in that this child had repeated things over and over again and gone on a bit.

However, I didn't think I'd achieve anything by arguing back with this woman, so I moved away.