Help please, am i being miserable?

pukkamum

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I'm sorry to say it but your sister is a user and a manipulator and the last time I checked, neither characteristic was considered a virtue!

She is all that and more, always has been, unfortunately she has had people making excuses for her all her life and though a lot of her 'ways' were funny and she was quite charming with it when young, it is wearing very thin now she is a 40 yr old mum.

Mojisola

pukkamum wrote: »

She is all that and more, always has been, unfortunately she has had people making excuses for her all her life and though a lot of her 'ways' were funny and she was quite charming with it when young, it is wearing very thin now she is a 40 yr old mum.

You can see the truth about her so you can stop worrying about saying no to her and stop feeling guilty. The people who go along with her are enabling her bad behaviour.

beverleyhills

Will they want the Sunday lunch? They may well be still in bed nursing hangovers from the day before.

GhostDog_2

What an interesting thread.....thanks Pukka.
It mirrors so much my own family its uncanny.
I laughed and gasped at some of the responses and like you, have often allowed my sister to put me down. It takes time to learn new ways to handle these situations and family always seem to put you right back to feeling how you did as an insecure teenager whatever your biological age.
I'm glad you have managed to give the answer it was clear to others you wanted to give all along.
Sometimes we all need a little help.

paddy's_mum

Pukkamum - repeat after me ...just for the practice, you understand.

No, can't - sorry.

Sorry, can't do that.

Got other plans so can't, I'm afraid.

Can't manage that day ... sorry.

Already made arrangements for that weekend so can't help .. sorry.

Sorry, not possible.

Not available that day, so can't..sorry.

If she has the wit and cunning to work out how to manipulate an entire family, she sure as hell has the intelligence to work out that you are no longer a pushover!

Good luck and given how you are being treated, you carry right on being 'miserable' as per your worry in the opening post of this thread. :-)

Mojisola

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Good luck and given how you are being treated, you carry right on being 'miserable' as per your worry in the opening post of this thread. :-)

Agree - and I'm sure pukkamum will be much happier being 'miserable' than when she being 'compliant' with her sister's demands!

pukkamum

I must say the sense of relief i felt since saying no has been wonderful, you area all completely right i am slowly but surely getting to the point where i can just say no, if it was up to DH it would have happened years ago, however, she is my sister and i do love her, family means a lot to me and i never would want to cut her out of my life.

My DH thinks it is time we only did neccessary family get togethers and face the fact that we can no longer socialise with her, so sad though as DH, sister and i used to be so close.

Abbafan1972

This thread has been very interesting reading.

Pukkamum - I take it she accepted your refusal to babysit? Sorry, but I don't understand your last post.

There are so many threads about family guilt tripping people into doing things or making them spend money they haven't got it's unreal!

faerie~spangles

Good for you pukkamum. :T

How does it feel to have grown a pair?

kaylee*

Well done pukkamum :T
I used to be the same with my family. I was the youngest and everyone looked down on me.
Because I was poor, a single parent, didn't own my own home. Anything that they had that I didn't, comments would be made when we were in the same room.
I stopped being nice and putting up with all their crap!

It's hard at first. They don't take no for an answer and you have to be ready with replies.
Just remember, nice people don't treat you like dirt and look down their nose at you.

I have lots of nice friends now and I feel good about myself when I have spent time with them.

With my family, I felt upset, angry and stressed after being with them.

I put myself and my family first now and stuff em!

I'm so much happier now and my family do respect me a bit more. Your new confidence shows and I think they know they can't use you anymore.

I think your sister and people like her, need people like us to look down on, to make themselves feel better.

Now you have done it once, if gets easier. They won't like not having a person they can kick around, with nasty comments, but live your life for you now!