Moving near the other woman...???

thatgirlsam

HomeMum wrote: »

She most certainly bloody did! Anyways, im amazed at the response this question has generated! Thanks so much for all the replies, i have read each and every one, and after each one i think, oh yes, thats true, and then i read the next one and think "no, thats not". And it has made me decide that IF the chance to move is there, i am certainly not going to let one person (ie OW) dictate my future, ive had a crap past year, and am looking only forward. So to hell with the fact she lives around the corner, if i move into the house and look out the front door, i wont see her or her house. Nor out the back either. But you know, if i did? I would think, a sad lonely woman lives there with no respect for herself. And be glad its not me. I am stronger than that, the past year has proved it. So onwards and upwards people.....watch this space. I promise to update, and to those who will be concerned, thank you, but i do think i am going in with my eyes wide open. (anyway just think how awkward she WILL feel lol) And yes, if he was a fool enough to do it again, then i would rather be living in a nicer area on my own and they would definately have to move away :rotfl: But im joking, i trust him. Mistakes are made, by everyone. We are all only human. So im certainly not going to pass up an opportunity. :T

Strong woman, thats what I like to see

Walk around with your head held high, you have done nothing wrong

Bet she moves!!

moneypuddle

I'm another one for absolutely not. I've been in a very similar situation and there is no way I would put myself in it again. Trust me

clairec79

Personally to me it would depend on why it ended, if it ended cos he was caught then no I wouldn't do it, if he ended it because he came to his senses and had ended it and then confesses and everything else was perfect about the house then I would - but I would tell him I expect him not to speak to her

DanE2010

Good for you!
You sound really positive, you get women on here sometimes asking for relationship advice where the guy has cheated and you can tell they havent 'dealt with it' yet, therefore they cant move forward un til they do. You on the other hand sound like you have moved on, its in the past and you are very much making progress so why not.

It all boils down to whether you trust your hubby or not, you sound like you do, so why miss out on your dream house just because of the ow? she could live next door or miles away doesnt matter, hubby is with you and you trust him not to cheat again then thats all that should matter.

If I felt you still didnt trust him not to cheat id say no way (or kick him to the kerb actually as no trust in a relationship means the end) but it sound like you are totally over it and dont have any qualms about him playing away so go for it!

globetraveller

I'm not sure if this is a wind up or not but assuming its not..... Its not about trust really, its about being reminded all the time. If you are moving purely for a fresh start then this is a very strange one. By the way, have you asked this house swap woman why she is so keen to move?? Has she had husband problems as well? Does the OW have children? Could your children end up being friends with them? This only happened 7 months ago. its too soon.

make_me_wise

Very good points globetraveller. It comes across that the op feels they can move to this new house and never have to come into contact with this woman down the road. In reality this is unlikely to happen. You might end up seeing her daily walking/driving past. If you and she have kids they may come into contact with each other. If you go out for a meal to a local pub/restaurant what is to stop her from turning up. Not to interfere with you but just by chance. Personally if I was planning on putting the past behind me and moving forward I wouldn't want to be anywhere near the person who came close to wrecking everything I have and want to keep.

prettykitty

This is a tough one - it would destroy me if I ran into my ex and the woman he left me for, so I could never think about moving anywhere near their place.

However your OH appears to have made the commitment to your marriage and I love your attitude:

HomeMum wrote: »

I am stronger than that, the past year has proved it. So onwards and upwards people.....watch this space. I promise to update, and to those who will be concerned, thank you, but i do think i am going in with my eyes wide open. (anyway just think how awkward she WILL feel lol) And yes, if he was a fool enough to do it again, then i would rather be living in a nicer area on my own and they would definately have to move away :rotfl:

:T:T

Bogof_Babe

I have just about forgiven my OH for a long emotional affair that damn near broke us up permanently. He is (I believe) finally fully over her now, but the basic unspoken trust we had has been irreparably damaged, and I'm surprised the OP has managed to escape so emotionally unscathed. I do wonder whether she is slightly in denial, as recovery from affairs is well documented to take a very long time, and to swing from not being able to get over it to not caring, and back again.

The only way I would be able to cope with seeing the OW again is by keep telling myself that I have got him and she hasn't, but even that prolongs the embitteredness. Most OWs are not looking for a quick fling, but hoping a relationship will result, and in the words of Abba, The Winner Takes It All. Someone mentioned earlier the expression about Hell having no fury like a woman scorned, and I would be surprised if she didn't hold out a vague hope of "getting her own back" on the victor (i.e. the OP), and her only weapon would be the chance of picking up with him again.

However much the OP's husband has assured her that the affair is over and of no relevance, she has only got his word for that, and men are easily susceptible to a willing conquest - she already knows that as presumably there was nothing wrong with their marriage yet he still strayed.

So, up to you OP but I would rather emigrate than live close to that tart.

I even dread bumping into her in town, never mind moving to her vicinity.

moodydonkey

It would be the constant reminder for me. My ex had an affair, all rosy now and it's water under the bridge because I don't have to see it or deal with it. But that house would be there, not as a house but as a reminder of what happened. No matter how strong I am to see it every day/week would remind me of it and bring up bad feelings.
There is no doubt you are a strong woman but god, could you put up with stirred feelings every time you pass it?

victory

If you trusted your OH before the affair and had him down as one that would never cheat, never stray was faithful and loyal to you until the end and then he did, what makes you think he will not do it again?

Some excellent points have been made about what if you see her how will you feel and how will you feel if your OH is late coming home from work? Will you run up the street, 25 houses away just to check?

I agree bogof not sure you have had the time to emotionally come to terms with it and be calm and not full of rage still.