Moving near the other woman...???

newcook

Hmmmmm It’s a toughy!!!

My first reaction is hell no!!!! but then the old saying of ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer’ pops up!

Saying that though, Im still in shock from it being affair number 4 :eek:!!

Plans_all_plans

This is not meant as a slight to your mother, but more as a general comment: there is not an adult alive who doesn't know that having an affair is not on.

The other woman in this case may not be a brazen hussy, but there's no getting away from the fact that she acted like one. BTW, this is no way means I'm absolving the man of any wrongdoing: after all, he made the vows.

thatgirlsam

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

What someone who went to bed wth someone else's husband?! I wouldn't say she'd be the sort to feel ashamed or uncomfortable at all.

Perhaps you are right but without knowing her its impossible to say

I would *imagine* she might feel very uncomfortable and maybe a bit intimidated but maybe not

claire16c

I think Id feel physically sick seeing this OW if I was the OP. And the thought of living near her seems insane.

On the other hand, shes done no worse than the husband has - who the OP is in a relationship with. So I guess if she can live with him maybe she can live nr this OW.

OP - is there really no other way you can move somewhere else? Could you move into a private rental? Or are they just too expensive?

brokenlily

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

This is not meant as a slight to your mother, but more as a general comment: there is not an adult alive who doesn't know that having an affair is not on.

True. I could never argue that anyone thinks having an affair is right exactly, but sometimes we all tell ourselves things in order to justify something that we are doing that we know isn't quite right, I think that's more what I mean, and my mum used to use all sorts of excuses to justify what she did. The usual "he isn't happy at home/she's not nice to him" or "monogamy/marriage isn't realistic anyway" type stuff. That kind of put what she was doing in some kind of a shade of grey for her I think - it wasn't black and white to her, at the time.

peachyprice

paddy's_mum wrote: »

One advantage of living where the "neighbours already know the husband" is that the OP would have 60 - 70 extra pairs of eyes watching the adulterers' every move - a kind of built in security, don't you think?

The only problem with that is that if she's lived there for a while, they're probably her friends who may have been fed a sob story painting her as the victim in the whole debacle.

Hell hath no fury like a mistress dumped.

**Patty**

HomeMum wrote: »

He says that she could live next door, or 100 miles away, and she would be no threat as that chapter in the book is closed. He says that he hasnt a problem with it, and that he thinks we should move only if i can cope with it. He personally thinks i should not feel threatened as if he WAS gonna continue the affair, then where she lives is immaterial. He took me to the street, drove me past the house, then past again, and said he loves me, sincerely and that he will only do what i want to do, no more, no less.

So he is saying the decision is yours?

Now, not being a cynical old f*rt;) or anything.......But is that not abdicating responsibility?

If it all goes wrong, then it's your fault because he didn't make the decision?

I wouldn't go.....purely because he doesn't seem interested in making a joint decision. If he's adamant he's moved on, then surely everything should be about the interests of the partnership

Plans_all_plans

See that's interesting, because I do think that the OP is the only one who should decide on this. His feelings don't really come into it as far as I'm concerned. The house is clearly perfect for the family, BUT for the fact that it's near to her. He can't win, because if he says "let's move there" you'd think he was up to no good, and if he said "I don't want to move there" you'd think he wasn't over her.

FunnySaving

But it's important that the OP's OH is honest about how he feels - if living near this woman is going to be hard for him because it will remind him of the guilt he bears for their current situation, then he may as well tell her rather than pretending it will be fine and run the risk of things getting harder further down the line. He may well have been in the wrong, but it will take the two of them working together to make things work in the long run and ignoring or hiding his feelings won't make it any easier to get over this.

lisaf

Can't believe that no-one has mentioned the fact that with regards to moving closer to this OW that the husband may be tempted again. Surely if the OP or anyone in her situation had a miniscule thought that their OH could cheat if temptation was put back in the way then please tell me what the point of being back with someone is?
Surely he could cheat regardless of whether OW was just up the road or with anyone else for that matter.
Sorry I just don't get that 'why put temptation in his way' when really even if he lived next door to Elle Mcpherson he shouldn't be tempted! And if for a second you thought he would be then why be with him anyway?
Lisa x