Moving near the other woman...???

meritaten

its all very well to be 'adult' and 'forgiving' - but the OP does NOT need a reminder of the affair every time she passes the 'other womans' house. that will NOT help thier marraige! you may forgive - but you damn well dont forget!

salena

If you really feel you have moved on dealt with the matter i think you should go for the house. As you said its perfect, Not just for you but also for your children to go to school/see friends. If anything i think it would make things very uncomfortable for her and if you was really lucky it would push her to a point where she moved

Uniscots97

I think you have to ask yourself a few questions (I have been in this situation with an ex except the other woman was a good friend of mine):

- can you trust your OH?
- does the other woman own her house or is it HA (if she owns it, she might be more likely to stay)?
- would this new house make a significant positive impact to your home life that knowing she was in the same street seem insignificant?
- is she friendly with the neighbours, do they know what went on? (If it was me I wouldn't want new neighbours knowing my other half had had an affair with some bit at the other end of the street)
- do you have friends locally? (This could be crucial as you don't want to be staring at four walls in case you bump into her in the street)

I'd have to think about it seriously, for me my former friend i thought I would never see again.... then she became my Mum's boss! Now I'm with someone else now but I can hold my head up high knowing what she is, it took guts first time I saw her and I'm in my Mum's work quite a lot doing consulting. The first time the former friend smiled and said 'hi' I wanted to put her head through a window...... instead I smiled, said nothing, got on with my job and then at home time got in my car and drove about 2 miles down the road before pulling over and screaming at the top of my lungs. Yep it made me feel better and I had to get it out of my system, I suppose what I'm saying is even if you think you're up for this be prepared to have a wobble..... and that's natural. Hope this helps. At the end of the day you could bump into her anywhere, I bumped into my ex whilst on holiday with my OH. My ex was with his now wife and she was wearing what was supposed to be my engagement ring............I could have been a complete biatch and told her but I didn't.

Blackpool_Saver

I would not even consider it

*Louise*

The very fact you posted here posing the question in the first place speaks volumes.

A house move should be a happy / exciting time, not filled with thoughts about another woman living there and which route you can take out the estate without passing her house.


You sound like you want to put his affair behind you....will you really be able to do that long term with such a blatant reminder just 20 houses away?

You say you want a house move as your new year / new start...it's only the 16th of January, give yourself some time. This isn't the perfect house, the one you have just now sounds like you have spend a lot of effort getting it just right - why give up all that hard work just in order to move as quickly as possible.

Most people move away from a problem..you just seem to be moving closer towards yours

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

What happens when he's fifteen minutes late from going to buy milk or get a paper?

He's proven he cannot be trusted once. By the way he's talking, she didn't end it and he didn't by choice, only by being caught with his nob out. So perhaps she would take him back if she were to see him regularly at the corner shop, walking the dog, on the way to the bus stop, for example. What if she tends to hang around outside like a lovesick puppy? You can't call the police for someone standing outside.


Why make it easier for him and harder for yourself?

gingin_2

I'm in the not sure camp. I probably could, because the new house sounds ideal for your family. Looking out of my window, in a built up area, 25 houses would take me quite far away from mine, far enough that I have no idea who the residents are and can't see what goes on in their daily lives.

What is her situation? Is she married with kids, Local authority, owner, private renter? Is there any chance that she might be moving in the next few years, or is she staying put for good? Also was there any remorse on her part after the affair and was it just about sex or was it a deep affair ( sorry if that's prying and you don't need to answer that it's just if it were me it would make a difference in my decision).

JustinCredibleGillespie

Go for it! Lifes too short to be worrying about naughty neighbours & that other woman. She could be sleeping with her own next door neighbour & the whole streets talking about her.

If you think you'll regret letting it go, then move.

I wish you all the best.

JCG

xx

LandyAndy

If I was in the OP's OH's position and had truly put it all behind me/us then I don't think I would consider moving so very close.

tea_lover

Personally I couldn't even contemplate it. My OH had an affair several years ago and tbh if I saw the OW now I would probably still struggle to control the rage I'd feel. And yes, I know it takes two, and I know I have to let it go and all of that - and on a day to day basis it doesn't even occur to me anymore. But there is no way I could know she was in the same street and be ok with that.

Plus, and I apologise if this is the last thing the OP wants to think about - what if she was living there when he had the affair? They could have been together, inside her house, and you'd have to go past it everyday.

You sound like a really strong, determined person and good on you for putting your family back together - believe me, I really do know how difficult it can be. Why make things harder for yourself than they need to be? Why have to worry about who's outside before you open your front door, or have to choose which way you go home depending on someone else?

It's just a house. There will be others just as suitable at some point, I don't think it's worth risking your peace of mind for when you're only just beginning to put that back together.

Best of luck with everything x.