Moving near the other woman...???

euronorris

carefullycautious wrote: »

I would go for it if it was a house and area I wanted badly.

I can't understand why so many people are placing such high importance on a house. It's just a house people! There are plenty of them around, all over the country, so if the OP doesn't buy this one it really is NOT a big deal. Another one will come up soon enough.

But....thinking you're strong enough, and won't be bothered by seeing her, bumping into her, potentially having kids be friends etc etc and actually doing it, and feeling indifferent when it actually happens are two very different things.

I am not convinced that anyone, just 7 months after an affair, could deal with a constant reminder of the hurt and betrayal like that. The risk of having your mental health, happiness and marriage effectively destroyed, is far too great IMO. And they are a lot harder to fix, than looking for a new house is.

OP - Have you considered what you would do if you bought it, moved there, and found that, actually, you can't handle being that close to her and having a constant reminder? What will you do if that turns out to be the case? Move? If so, why not just wait and look for a more suitable place.

FatVonD

While in theory I'd usually be all for wrestling back the control I really don't think that's what you're doing in this situation. Truly moving on will happen when you have the opportunity to turn up on her doorstep holding your husband's hand but you can't actually be bothered because there are more important things in your life.

I think it would be madness to move there, I've not read your other thread but from the little that's been quoted on here you already know that she's not a nice woman. Not only did she befriend you and sleep with your husband she also had you doubting your own sanity, what else is she capable of? I don't just mean sleeping with your husband again, what if she starts her own little vendetta against you, what if she has friends there that join in and make your life a misery? What if those friends have kids that bully your kids? What if you get things thrown through your windows, tyres let down, cats poisoned? What if she gets a burly new boyfriend that thinks your husband is taking the pish moving close and decides to let him know?

Move on and have a lovely life without her in it

Cezzabelle

I read the beginning of this on my phone earlier but its been added to since

Can I ask if you see her normally?
by that i mean, since you found out about the affair do you see her around town or whatever? I just think-for what my opinion is worth- that you and your OH maybe on the road to making things great again but seeing her might awaken feelings that you thought you had moved past and it turns out you havent? Id give yourself longer to rebuild yourself and your relationship so that when you are faced with seeing her, you are stronger than your posts 2 month ago suggest you could be by now.

System

It takes years to get over an infidelity, not months.

determined_new_ms

sorry haven't read the whole thread - halfway through page two and NO is what is going round my mind. You would have to be the most adult & rational person - and you may be, but me? noooooo! Have the most rock solid relationship and be over the affair 100%, again you maybe, and also be the Dehli Lama. Say no love, the affair was only last year. That's my opinion for what its worth

choccybikkie_2

Not a chance in Hell would I even consider it!!!
End of..........

choccybikkie_2

HomeMum wrote: »

But im joking, i trust him. Mistakes are made, by everyone. We are all only human. So im certainly not going to pass up an opportunity. :T

Yep, a 4 month mistake!? :cool:

Not saying you shouldn't have taken him back,each to their own, BUT a 4 month affair is not a 'mistake'....

Steer clear, a 'nice' house is NOT worth your sanity!

CH27

You must be bonkers to even consider it.
You will be subjecting yourself & your family to possible agonies.

artichoke

no - i would not do it. As someone said the neighbours probably know all about it, your husband might then be seen as an easy target for any other woman wanting to start an affair..

you may well bump into her in all sorts of difficult places in years to come.. you need to move away and forget all about her, not move nearer and have yourself and everyone else rake up the past and the gossip every time you walk into the local shop, pub, school or whatever.
Art

brokenlily

Definitely think you should reconsider on this one.

The theory of living near the OW might well be very different than the reality. You might think you can cope, but then you bump into her, feelings are stirred, and it will have a knock on effect. Once it's done, it's done, there's no easy way of moving out once you're in the house.

How can you be sure that you won't see her, be reminded, and start berating your husband, or withdrawing from him, because it's stirred the painful feelings? Then, if things are bad between you, the kids could pick up on it....

As I've mentioned in this thread, my mum had affairs, my mum and dad did not have a happy marriage because of it, and kids DEFINITELY pick up on that stuff. They aren't daft.