Moving near the other woman...???

HelenYorkshire

I've only read first and last pages...

My thoughts are that you can't hide forever.
How does your mind work - if something has hurt you, do you need time to heal and gradually venture a bit further each day? Or do you need to look it in the eye and kick it in the nuts? If the former - don't do it. If the latter - go for it.

If your area is anything like my old one, the "right" HA swap is like finding a hen's tooth in a haystack in a blue moon!

Good luck either way

globetraveller

HomeMum wrote: »

She most certainly bloody did! Anyways, im amazed at the response this question has generated! Thanks so much for all the replies, i have read each and every one, and after each one i think, oh yes, thats true, and then i read the next one and think "no, thats not". And it has made me decide that IF the chance to move is there, i am certainly not going to let one person (ie OW) dictate my future, ive had a crap past year, and am looking only forward. So to hell with the fact she lives around the corner, if i move into the house and look out the front door, i wont see her or her house. Nor out the back either. But you know, if i did? I would think, a sad lonely woman lives there with no respect for herself. And be glad its not me. I am stronger than that, the past year has proved it. So onwards and upwards people.....watch this space. I promise to update, and to those who will be concerned, thank you, but i do think i am going in with my eyes wide open. (anyway just think how awkward she WILL feel lol) And yes, if he was a fool enough to do it again, then i would rather be living in a nicer area on my own and they would definately have to move away :rotfl: But im joking, i trust him. Mistakes are made, by everyone. We are all only human. So im certainly not going to pass up an opportunity. :T

It took two- so are you saying your husband has no respect for himself?? I think you wrote in your original post something like "these things happen." I hope you didnt convey that to your husband.
Also its very probable that her neighbours will have seen your husband coming in and out of her house. Do you want to be a subject of gossip or even a laughing stock( as I would imagine that they would think that husband engineered the move as no way would the wife make that move) Worse still, your children may hear the gossip or get teased by kids.
This might sound really cruel but you do need to really think hard.
Why do you want to move house? And why jump at this house when you have just started to look? Deep down you are testing your husband, and putting yourself in a situation where everyday, memories and doubts and wonderings about the affair will surface. You may think you are over it- but 7 months is nothing. Neither of you will be over it yet, no matter how much you try to convince yourself. If you want this to work, and of course it can, don't make things more difficult.
edit to add
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/48573423#Comment_48573423
and 2 months ago you still werent over it. Just read your thread again- please don't put obstacles in your path to getting over all this.

goodmorningsunshine

Sorry, but I think it all depends on how strong and confident you are.

Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.

If you move, will it always be on your mind? OR If you don't move, will you always think of what you missed out on?

Which one can you live with ...... easier?

Lunar_Eclipse

HomeMum wrote: »

Am i mad to even consider moving here????

I would say so yes.:D

Nothing could make me move there, but that is based on the fact that I would be devastated by an(other) affair and it would be severely life changing. You might think differently. It puts temptation incredibly close to home and is far too much of a risk in my opinion. However, I obviously don't know why the affair took place, how it was instigated and how/why it ended.

The way I see it is this: it's only a house. Forgetting your husband, do you really want to live near this woman after the stress she must have put on your marriage and family? No way. There are plenty more houses out there, even if you don't think so at the moment. I think I'd feeling permanently nauseous, angry, anxious and on edge being anywhere near 'the other woman', but you have said you've moved on ...

Lunar_Eclipse

globetraveller wrote: »

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/48573423#Comment_48573423

I just skimmed through this. I'm not sure you have moved on, having written the following (very normal, completely understandable feelings) only 2 months ago:
is it normal to want to hurt the OW, i mean, seriously wish her harm? I know it takes two to tango, but she was someone we both knew, she befriended me, and continutally told me i was paranoid, possessive and jealous, and that it wasnt a good quality. This as she was meeting and spending "private" time with MY husband!!!! I have days when i want to go to her house, smash every window, wreck her car, wish dreadful illnesses upon her, and i hate her passionately. True hate.

I also wondered if you are sub-consciously testing your husband as another poster mentioned. You must have been/be so deeply hurt and betrayed by his actions. Most people never get over affairs, let alone say they've moved on after only 7 months.

And how dare he say the decision to move is yours alone. He should be making life so easy for you ... and said 'absolutely not dear, very funny!' when you first mentioned the potential house swap.

*Louise*

I think it's all very well with the 'new year new start' mentality to convince yourself that everything will be fine and you can handle it...but what about 6+ months down the line when/if hubby isn't bveing quite so attentive and you both hit another rocky patch? It won't seem like such a good move then imo.


I think your hubby should have said NO from the start tbh, he has passed the buck over to you and your whole future could very well hang on this decision which you are responsible for making.

kazmc

Are you mad????
Why would you put yourself in such a destructive situation.
You may feel strong now but you wont when you have been there a while and you see her driving/walking past and always wondering 'what if'......
I think your hubby is being totally unreasonable and is probably feeling VERY smug that he has an understanding (insert word of choice here ) wife
I cannot believe you would even consider this move....
Look how different you feel between now and your posts from 2 months ago when you wanted to kill her.
You need to go through a whole host of emotions and believe me you cant have gone through them all yet (I know from bitter experience) so will be feeling different over the months to come.
A nicely decorated home is no compensation..........
Good luck with whatever you decide to do though

carefullycautious

I would go for it if it was a house and area I wanted badly.

If he strays again thats his problem. Get rid and continue to enjoy where you live.

If he stays and things work out ok alls well that ends well.

Seanymph

Are you wanting somehow to 'punish' this woman by rubbing your marriage and homelife in her face?

I have to confess that I'd leave well alone. IF he is no longer in contact with her, nor her with him, then I'd not do anything to provoke either of them.

I'm a fairly normal person - I live a normal life - but if you moved your 'happy family' about four doors away from me after I'd been suckered by your husband I would be worried I'd react in a not so nice way. I'd see you as very insensitive and I would no longer be staying away.

Why make things more difficult than they need to be. OK, so your kids are nearer their school, but they'll leave their school, they'll move out - you will however spend the rest of your life looking at her.

There will be many motivations going on for you, and I suspect you are deluding yourself on some of them, it will be years before you are not too emotionally upset to see it clearly - that would be perfectly reasonable. I would be worried that one of your motivators would be to openly and clearly thumb your nose at this woman by moving in as one of her neighbours.

That may make you feel good at the moment 'how dare she tell me where to live' - well, she isn't - common decency should tell you to keep your distance, and self preservation should back that up. It is important in life not to go looking for trouble. Because Many very reasonable people may just end up handing you more trouble than you are seeking - but certainly no more than you deserve if you go moving into her home space.

System

I think as long as you see her on a day to day basis its going to remind you of what she and your husband had between them.

Thats what i think anyway.