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Moving near the other woman...???
HomeMum_2
Posts: 41 Forumite
I really need some opinions here, although I do realise that it must be my decision, and mine alone. Sometimes it helps to have the non judgemental opinions of total strangers....so here goes:
As some of you may be aware, DH had a four month affair last year (it is SOOOO nice to be able to say "last year"!!!!! Welcome 2012!!) with a woman we both knew. He was eventually found out, long boring story but the eventual outcome is that here we are, seven months down the road, happy, very much together and trying to move on with our lives. These things happen, he has apologised, is remorseful and i have forgiven. So...... we want to move to a new home. You know, new year, new home, new start (far too old for new year, new baby lol :rotfl:). The problem is we have spent an exhorbitant amount of money on our property, and live in a housing association home. Therefore we can swap with other tenants, but to be honest - and i deeply apologise to those offended by the next remark - an awful lot of tenants do not upkeep their properties as we have. We dont want to have to completely regut another property as we simply dont have the finances to do so. We have been contacted by a tenant that wishes to exchange with us, her house is just what i have been looking for, on a private development with just a handful of HA homes, just 10 years old, beautifully decorated, a short walk for my children to the local high school (they currently have to get two buses) in short, everything i could want. BUT
the road the house is in is in a circle, and whilst the house i could move to is at the bottom end of the circle, the house the OW lives in is at the top :eek::eek: of the circle. Approximately 25 - 30 houses seperate the two, i wouldnt have to pass her house if i chose not too, as the exit road goes the other way around, so if i came out of my front door i would always turn right to exit the estate, either by walking or by car, turning left would be taking the long route.
Am i mad to even consider moving here???? My children (who are all in their teens and i have always been honest in my discussions with them) think it would be a lovely place to live, near their friends etc, but worry about whether it would be too upsetting for me. My dearest friend has said that if it were a year on, she would be saying MOVE MOVE, but that maybe now is too soon. I myself think i would be ok, yeh sure, it would be difficult the first time we "bumped" into each other but after that, well, whats done is done. I thought if i did move i could always go hand in hand with DH, knock on her door, and calmly and politely explain that i just wanted to make her aware that we had moved in around the corner so if she saw us she wasnt shocked. That way, i would feel that I was in control, I had called the shots, and that I hadnt to feel that I had to avoid her, it would then be up to her to avoid me, should she feel so inclined.
Well.....................shall i? Or am i being ridiculous??? Shall i look elsewhere?
As some of you may be aware, DH had a four month affair last year (it is SOOOO nice to be able to say "last year"!!!!! Welcome 2012!!) with a woman we both knew. He was eventually found out, long boring story but the eventual outcome is that here we are, seven months down the road, happy, very much together and trying to move on with our lives. These things happen, he has apologised, is remorseful and i have forgiven. So...... we want to move to a new home. You know, new year, new home, new start (far too old for new year, new baby lol :rotfl:). The problem is we have spent an exhorbitant amount of money on our property, and live in a housing association home. Therefore we can swap with other tenants, but to be honest - and i deeply apologise to those offended by the next remark - an awful lot of tenants do not upkeep their properties as we have. We dont want to have to completely regut another property as we simply dont have the finances to do so. We have been contacted by a tenant that wishes to exchange with us, her house is just what i have been looking for, on a private development with just a handful of HA homes, just 10 years old, beautifully decorated, a short walk for my children to the local high school (they currently have to get two buses) in short, everything i could want. BUT
the road the house is in is in a circle, and whilst the house i could move to is at the bottom end of the circle, the house the OW lives in is at the top :eek::eek: of the circle. Approximately 25 - 30 houses seperate the two, i wouldnt have to pass her house if i chose not too, as the exit road goes the other way around, so if i came out of my front door i would always turn right to exit the estate, either by walking or by car, turning left would be taking the long route.Am i mad to even consider moving here???? My children (who are all in their teens and i have always been honest in my discussions with them) think it would be a lovely place to live, near their friends etc, but worry about whether it would be too upsetting for me. My dearest friend has said that if it were a year on, she would be saying MOVE MOVE, but that maybe now is too soon. I myself think i would be ok, yeh sure, it would be difficult the first time we "bumped" into each other but after that, well, whats done is done. I thought if i did move i could always go hand in hand with DH, knock on her door, and calmly and politely explain that i just wanted to make her aware that we had moved in around the corner so if she saw us she wasnt shocked. That way, i would feel that I was in control, I had called the shots, and that I hadnt to feel that I had to avoid her, it would then be up to her to avoid me, should she feel so inclined.
Well.....................shall i? Or am i being ridiculous??? Shall i look elsewhere?
:happyhear Not everyones cup of tea, but just right for me!! :coffee:
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Comments
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Personally I think you are mad to be considering it. I would not be moving anywhere near to her.0
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Oh er .. I reckon if you are asking the question... you know yourself. What do gut instinct feel?0
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Oh er .. I reckon if you are asking the question... you know yourself. What do gut instinct feel?
TBH gut instinct makes me think "sod her, i can go where i like, when i like, live where i like and if it betters my family than thats that". But, i may not be so fiesty if i actually DO move :happyhear Not everyones cup of tea, but just right for me!! :coffee:0 -
What does your husband say?Autism Mum Survival Kit: Duct tape, Polyfilla, WD40, Batteries (lots of),various chargers, vats of coffee, bacon & wine.
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You really need a lot of self awareness in this situation. I know for a fact I would be filled with a murderous rage every time I saw her and I would not be putting temptation under my husband's nose again. I would not be able to "forget" about it while they were both so close together again.0
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I am fairly sure that I couldn't do it.
However, it could be that she wouldn't be able to cope with it either and move out herself (after having another try at your husband):heartsmil When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.0 -
TBH gut instinct makes me think "sod her, i can go where i like, when i like, live where i like and if it betters my family than thats that". But, i may not be so fiesty if i actually DO move
Well it doesn't make you a less of a person if you didnt move - its a big thing.. I agree with another poster - what does your hubby say about it.. are you both prepared for a united front if anything gets said etc. best of luck to you!!0 -
I think you are insane to be considering it and if you do move, addicted to drama.
Click a light to yourself, eh?Debt free 4th April 2007.
New house. Bigger mortgage. MFWB after I have my buffer cash in place.0 -
What does your husband say?
He says that she could live next door, or 100 miles away, and she would be no threat as that chapter in the book is closed. He says that he hasnt a problem with it, and that he thinks we should move only if i can cope with it. He personally thinks i should not feel threatened as if he WAS gonna continue the affair, then where she lives is immaterial. He took me to the street, drove me past the house, then past again, and said he loves me, sincerely and that he will only do what i want to do, no more, no less.:happyhear Not everyones cup of tea, but just right for me!! :coffee:0 -
Yikes!
I think there are other houses. And probably less stressful situations to put yourself in.Just because it says so in the Mail, doesn't make it true.
I've got ADHD. You can ask me about it but I may not remember to answer...0
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