Grrrr Problems with OH over DMP

Coveredinbees!!!!

I just want to say not all men are b*st*rds. I think your other half needs a reality check.

chevalier

Hi Sea
Sorry to hear that things are still bad. I hope that relate helps today. Definitely a good idea to keep a log, starting with your OH refusal to go with you to Relate today.

I have depression, and before I was on treatment all I wanted to do was read a book/play games - alone, away from everyone, even my two children. Whilst I don't suggest that this excuses your OH behaviour, it may explain it. Is he likely to go to the dr if you sat down and said how worried you are about him?
chev

Sea78

Hi

Well I went to Relate, cried a lot so looked great walking through down with swollen nose & eyes!

I don't know if it's done anything for me really. A lot of it I knew already but she said the most important thing was communication. I just feel like I'm going round in circles. Also, OH rang when I wondering around town in a bit of an emotionally drained way and asked when I was coming back. Got back at ten to 1 and ds had had no lunch - OH was on xbox.

I am just off to have a 'talk' now - back soon

Sea xxx

ps he wouldn't accept the idea of him being depressed- says it's me.

ZTD

chevalier wrote:

Hi Sea
Sorry to hear that things are still bad. I hope that relate helps today. Definitely a good idea to keep a log, starting with your OH refusal to go with you to Relate today.

I would second this.

chevalier

Sorry to hear that things didn't go so well. And note down that ds had no lunch until you got there. That is not on.

I do wonder, it seems that finances touched this all off, but were there other problems anyway? It seems that he is in denial about it all, and want to shut himself away into xbox world? What would happen if you hid it? Would it mean that he actually talked to you, or would it make him mad (like if he was an addict?)

He sounds very mixed up. Is there anyone he trust who could talk to him about this?

Also when you were talking to him about money, was it just all talk or did you show him spreadsheets showing how much of a problem the finances were, and how much his beer habit was costing a year. Males tend to like to see things written down in black and white it seems. Perhaps this would help?
chev

lush_bucket

Hi Sea,

Sorry to hear of your troubles. I too had this situation with the ex husband only his tipple was wine, it's very difficult to say anything that will make them change sometimes it just has to come to crisis point. As for the xbox, my partner (totally diff to ex!) got his live subscription on ebay for £25 the guy he got it from is still selling it at that price. My OH and I work on the basis that if he wants it, he first has to sell enough things of his own on ebay to pay for it. If he wants it badly enough he will, and he gets a sense of achievement out of making the money for new games ect himself. Perhaps you could suggest your OH does the same, or trades some old games in for it so that it doesnt come out of your budget? Good Luck with sorting it and well done on trying to sort your debts out.

Sea78

Hi all

Thanks for all the replies. He turned off the xbox for long enough to have a brief chat but I don't really know where I stand. I really want to try to make a go of it for the sake of the children, and if there is something good there, it would be a shame to mess it up. On the purely practical side, it'll also give me a few weeks of breathing space to work a few things out, try my hardest to get as much sold, money raised, car booting done as possible.

I am going to make another urgent appointment with teh doc tomorrow and see if I have depression. I don't think I do, but the relate cousellor said I should go and see?? Asked Oh if he had depression as he wasn't the same person I fell in love with. Got blank look at that.

The relate woman suggested to give it my all for 6 weeks and then re-evaluate. I have to say though that my life has been soooo much easier since I stopped having to cook his meals etc. Might continue not doing that.

Have shown him full financial figures before and he is aware of all the money situations and where the money has to go. Refuses to give up the booze. So I think he'll have to start getting his money from elsewhere for that (selling stuff etc) I saw a completed credit card application form (in envelope) sticking out of his pocket - no, I don't go through them.

Just told him we were £200 into the £315 budget for food (includes beer obviously) and he's not happy as I said he'd have to get it from somewhere else. We also have a budget for smoking - him and me when I've had a drink, which I MUST stop - so he said, well we just won't buy cigarettes and I'll have that money for beer. ARGHHHHHHHHHH.

As you can tell I'm really confused.

Sea xx

ZTD

Sea78 wrote:

so he said, well we just won't buy cigarettes and I'll have that money for beer. ARGHHHHHHHHHH.

We won't...so I'll have...

Is he alcoholic?

Bunnyinthelights

Let me get this straight-
1. He won't give up his beer
2. He won't stop playing on his XBox
3. He doesn't help around the house
4. He says YOU'RE depressed because you nag him to get off his a$$

And you're confused?!
Why? His scitillating conversation, his unwavering support, his constant show of affection?

Sorry, is the sarcasm seeping into my post yet!?
Bunny x

elona

Don't forget not feeding his son!!!!!:eek:


It is not you - it is him. Be very careful about going to the doctor unless it is someone that you know and trust. The last thing you need is for somone to just prescribe something and then DH has "proof" that the problem is you.

Big hug.