Grrrr Problems with OH over DMP

jinky67

Hope i dont sound too harsh but OH sounds like a complete waster,why should you and the kids struggle because he has a drink problem.You also need to stop making excuses for him sit him down and give it to him straight.If he doesnt like it tough.You have to think of the effect on you and the kids.Hope it sorts itself out

chevalier

You may like to have a read of this sea, to see if any of it relates to your OH.
http://www.lynwodemanor.co.uk/alcoholism/alcoholism-signs.html
Regards
chev

rose28454

Hi
Try not to waste your life protecting him from himself. He is an alcoholic and that is the truth. I have been married to an alcoholic for 25 years and only recently realised how it has ruined my childrens lives ( they are 23 and 21). We have just been through 8 months of piece as he attempted suicide and had a breakdown. The doctors helped him get off the booze but it seems he has gone back to it in the last few days. He is retiring from work next week ( but is looking for another job as we are in debt) and said he is going to have a drink with his mates and then not drink again.
I am really disappointed and upset as I finally thought we might have a life together as husband and wife. Anyway what I am trying to say is leave now as it is not worth you trying as he ( like most alcoholics) doesn't really care about anybody other than himself. We have a lot of debt from lack of money all these years and my stupidly letting him spend money we did not have in the hope of keeping him off the booze. When I finally told him it was £50k he said it was all my fault. I am writing on the other thread about alcohol at the moment and just wanted to give you some support. You sound like a really nice person and your prime concern should be for you and your child. I have wasted all these years on mine. Dont make the same mistake!!! Try to get the doctor to refer you for some counselling. I am in the middle of a course and I feel more calm for it
LOL

Sea78

rose28454 wrote:

Hi
Try not to waste your life protecting him from himself. He is an alcoholic and that is the truth. I have been married to an alcoholic for 25 years and only recently realised how it has ruined my childrens lives ( they are 23 and 21). We have just been through 8 months of piece as he attempted suicide and had a breakdown. The doctors helped him get off the booze but it seems he has gone back to it in the last few days. He is retiring from work next week ( but is looking for another job as we are in debt) and said he is going to have a drink with his mates and then not drink again.
LOL

HI

Sorry to hear of your problems, I can't imagine what you've gone through - must have been awful.

I think that giving it all a limited time frame will help as I know that it's not forever, and to see what I (and he) can do to turn things around.

Sea xx

Sea78

misspoppy wrote:

Hi

I have a chronic pain condition and even the mildest of these drugs tell you not to drink on them, this could be very serious for his health. Also he isn't helping himself sitting playing the game thing all day everyday I know all too well how hard it is to move when you are in pain but he must, exercise is the only way to ease a bad back.

I know money is tight but an osteopath has worked wonders for me. Pain is one of those things you have to fight it to beat it and it might be worth speaking to his dr.

I know - but he says that all medication says this and that's what he sticks to. He says the doctor never mentions it so....

He's started physio now after AGES on a waiting list, so hopefully it'll help too.

Sea xx

ZTD

Sea78 wrote:

I know - but he says that all medication says this and that's what he sticks to.

All medication doesn't say this. If he takes stuff for thrush (for example) - he'll find that doesn't.

Sea78 wrote:

He says the doctor never mentions it so....

Because the doctor expects him to be able to read.

Sea78

I know. One thing at a time. Six weeks.

Returning to the original issue of the DMP today OH went to his bank and he has a balance of £3.36!!:) I think he might posssibly be on his way to a partial flickering lightbulb moment. I made him pay the mortgage over the counter at Abbey due to change over of banks and then he gave me cash for various things....BRING IT ON!!

Tomorrow I'm off to sell a diamond necklace he 'gave' me (I bought it off his sister for a very reduced price) and before anyone else says it - I know!!!!!!!!!
So I hope to get a decent amount of money for it as I have £80 of food money and have to buy nappies and baby milk as well as food - doable easily and I intend to try, but want to buy a pair of flat shoes (I really have none apart from trainers) for work as won't be able to wear heels due to back. I want to spend MAX of £20 and much less if I can, but need them for monday.

I really really apreciate all the posts and support. It has made all the difference over the last few days, which have been quite bad. I know I am lucky in many ways, and haven't been through much compared to others.

I will keep you updated, if you don't mind.

btw one thing I keep doing is because I am being sweetness and light, everytime he says something offish, I say 'please don't speak to me like that, I haven't done anything wrong or spoken to you in that way'. It's working surprisingly well!

Sea xxxx

Bunnyinthelights

Sea,
On the topic of cheap shoes-have you got 'Sports Soccer' or 'Sports World' near you?
I always fine they do ok shoes at a very good price (got DD some little pumps for under £5!) and they do adults as well.
Good luck and do please keep us up to date...
Bunny x

Sea78

Thanks - there is a 'Priceless' in town I think, so should be able to find something good there for hopefully less than a tenner.

Am just waiting for Oh to get up and we can go - DS was up again last night and as OH was in our bed (we swap each night - so I was on the pull out) he dealt with him so is understandably tired...biting my tongue...waiting til 10.50 then going up with the kids

Thinking of selling some earrings today as well...

Sea xx

1_step_closer

Your patience is amazing! Well done you! Hopefully by 6 weeks you'll have come through the worst of it all and will pull through - together. Sometimes events like these where you go through absolute hell and back make a couple stronger.