Grrrr Problems with OH over DMP

Sea78

Hi,

I'm not going to moan on about OH because he's being ok really. However, we;ve just entered into a DMP and OH knows all about the budgets and what we can spend on what. I've cut back on various things so that he can have his beer - don't need to say anything about that we have our issues over it already - which amounts to up to £160+ a month on a bad month - this includes getting 8 cans for a fiver, good deals in supermarkets etc.

However, I really don't think he *gets* it as he said last night oh, I want to get the Xbox 360 online subscription, it's £40 for the year. I guess he doesn't go out and stuff anymore but still. I am going mad listing things on Ebay for the odd £1 here and there and then he starts on. Also carries on about getting bits and bobs for the house and i just don't know where I can get this money. The money from ebay has to go to the creditors as they're not going to be happy with the payments I can afford so I thought the odd bit extra might help sweeten them.

I am in agony with a bad back and need to go to the chiropractors but Dr won't refer me. In the end my mum has snapped and said she will pay for one visit. OH didn't say anything, just told me to keep taking the painkillers (he has chronic pain from back going on for 3 yrs so I guess he has no sympathy by now!). Our poor kids haven't gone anywhere really for 5 days!

Just wanting a bit of support really. Sorry to moan.

Sea xx

OberonSH

Hey love, you have a mona. I'd say 'okay, you can have your subscription, but that means it has to come out of your beer money, or you have to find it yourself.'

Have you done your budgets to allow a bit of money for you both to get personal stuff?

skintas_2

i know how you feel may partner drinks and smokes, the money he wastes. when i complain he tell me to shut up and he works he earnt it, fair enough. really winds me up as he cant get no credit, most bills/debt in my name he pi**** it up the wall, .............. my partner exactly the same thinks im tight, hey you have to be, ive said to my partner if i left he would be on a park bench within a year,.........

mouseymousey99

Hi Sea - Oh you poor thing...thats not fair!! Tell him to dump the beer - I know I know its my only pleasure blah blah .....rubbish!!! Probably not what he wants to hear. Also, I dont want to offend but it sounds like he may be depressed? Encourage him to make his own?? Much much cheaper & may start an interest?? Get down the library its all FREE and loads better than **** x boxes which are for kids anyway. Its hard being 'mummy' with the money isn't it? Of course you can moan - why the heck not!!!
Best wishes

beanielou

Its really none of my bizz but I think £20 pw is enough.It must be about £40 pw at the mo?
Anyway take care & dont let the bleeps get u down.You are doing so well.

lil_me

If he's getting 8 for £5, and still managing to spend £160+ he's having over 256 cans a month! Has he tried getting help for the alcohol problem?

With the Xbox, sorry I'd be putting my foot down if he's not willing to sacrifice elsewhere.

As far as things go with the kids, don't worry about them going places etc, spending quality time with them will mean just as much to them loads of free things you can do.

janiegs

I don't think he gets it either. He'd rather spend money on beer and x box subscriptions that take his kids out?

Have you asked the doctor to refer you for physiotherapy for your back? I have just started and the physio has diagnosed a curved spine and a rotated pelvis that I knew nothing about. He reckons he can cure the pain that I have suffered for 20 years! Best of all, he's free.

You will just have to tell him straight, no x box unless he does without some beer, and nothing for the house until you can afford it.

hippychick1

I think I'm going to have the same problems with my OH. He's been working away since September and that's when we started our DMP. Me and the kids have done brilliantly on our budget and actually have money in the bank for the first time in ages.

He's due back in 2 weeks and I fear all my good work will go to waste. He was here when we got everything sorted through Payplan and he seems to think thats it now - everything will sort itself out. He doesn't realise that he will have to make adjustments to fit in with our new budget. I can see trouble coming.

Sea78

Hi,

Thanks for all your replies - I agree the beer is a big problem but it brings up such issues when I try to talk about it, I don't bother anymore. I just can't be mummy to him as well as running everything else. He is good really - but I've been out of action due to back probs this week and it's surprising how little he does to facilitate the day to day running of family & house. He'll do DIY and drive about doing favours, but anything mroe 'housewifey' and he's not so good.

I asked my doc about the physio and she looked at me and asked 'do you not have access to that', when I said no I have NO money for this she just handed me my prescription. grrr. I was cringing about the prescription expense anyway.

I have got treat money budgeted, such as wine and beer (a suitable amount) but that's not enough for his beer etc. He says, well, I'm letting you sell my PSP so we can use that money for this this and this, but he doesn't get that i want to spend it paying abck debt, not little bits and pieces for the house/him!!! Maybe I'm just expecting too much from him. I don't know. I hope my back gets back to normal soon so I can function properly. I probably won' tbe so grumpy and horrible once the pain & painkillers effects have gone.

Thanks for all your messages, it really makes it sooo much better to be able to come on here. Since moving up north I've found tiodifficult to make new friends (lack of money doesn't help) despite chatting to other mums at various groups etc. Goodness, I sound like a complete sad act, eh?!!

Sea xx

Sea78

hippychick1 wrote:

I think I'm going to have the same problems with my OH. He's been working away since September and that's when we started our DMP. Me and the kids have done brilliantly on our budget and actually have money in the bank for the first time in ages.

He's due back in 2 weeks and I fear all my good work will go to waste. He was here when we got everything sorted through Payplan and he seems to think thats it now - everything will sort itself out. He doesn't realise that he will have to make adjustments to fit in with our new budget. I can see trouble coming.

Completely agree with all of this!! Good luck

hippychick1

Sea78 wrote:

Hi,
I have got treat money budgeted, such as wine and beer (a suitable amount) but that's not enough for his beer etc. He says, well, I'm letting you sell my PSP so we can use that money for this this and this, but he doesn't get that i want to spend it paying abck debt, not little bits and pieces for the house/him!!!

I completely understand about the alcohol Sea78. My OH will want this budgeted for when he gets back. He wouldn't see it as a luxury

Any extra money we get he expects to be spent on us. We are due about 2 grand soon and he would blow it all if it were up to him. I'm trying to convince him that our debt free date is not set in stone - it can be brought forward. It's like talking to a brick wall.

Your doctor sounds very unsympathetic. Can you not try and see another? They may be of more help.