Grrrr Problems with OH over DMP

hypno06

Hi Sea, just caught up on this thread so sending you :grouphug: for you and the children.

Whatever happens, make sure you do the right thing for ALL of you - there is little point staying together for the children if you are going to be providing them with a negative living enviroment. They may be better off with parents living apart but in a happy household.

And as far as the finances go, well if you end up lumbered with all of them, then you can do something about it. It may not be an ideal situation, but you know that you have tried hard to tackle them and have tried the DMP. If it turns out that you need to be bankrupt, then I am sure you will not take that decision lightly, it will be the last resort, and it may be the right thing in order to allow you and the children to move on completely.

Anyway, I hope today is a better day for you. Be strong and do whatever you need xx

Sea78

Hi,

Clearer mind this morning. OH states that as the house is more his than mine, I won't get much equity (mortgage 97k,OH's advance of salary for house purchase21K house worth as is about £130,000, if finished £150,000). He wants me out. He wants the kids, as i do so joint custody would be best.

Feel so sick and don't know how I'm going to manage to rent and run a flat with the debt and the bad credit record I'll have now, as well as contribute to the childcare etc (i'll have to go back to work full time rather than part).

At least I'll have the furniture from this house - if he is going to be petty about equity, then if I'm taking all the debt, I tke the things the debt bought!

To be honest, I think I'll try relate today, see if we can go down that route. Might seem selfish, but then if it still doesn't work, at least I'll have tried it all for the children's sake and also given myself a little time to sort things out a bit more.

Sea xx

Little_Miss_Winner

He wants me out. He wants the kids, as i do so joint custody would be best.

He wants you out? Cheeky G!T !

He can't as far as I am aware leave you homeless with the kids!!.

I would speak to CAB this morning, never mind relate.

Sending you hugs
pot
xx

Sea78

He wants the kids to stay. Just he is going to take the house I fear. I think I'll suggest the relate to buy some time and then get some advice.
Sea xx

Lucifer

Sea78,

U poor thing, I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Debt is hard enough to deal with alone, let alone the emotional blackmail.

You are a strong woman, you have showed this, and no matter what you decide we will all support you.

The one thing I would say is. Growing up as children from an unhappy marriage is blooming miserable. Sat upstairs listening to arguments and crying, slamming doors is no way for a child to live. I promise you if that is the case your children will be much happier with you apart. Your children will appreciate and respect your strength. They will learn the lessons of financial management from you and they will love and see two parents who love them unconditionally and both want the best for them.

Think logically - as a child would you have wanted your parents to be happy and apart or miserable and together. Worse still both miserable because of you (because you know they are staying together for you)!!

Sending you lots of hugs. I suggest you speak to CAB quickly to ascertain your rights. Should you decide to part forewarned is forearmed.

Take care sweetie X

ZTD

Sea78 wrote:

Hi,

Clearer mind this morning. OH states that as the house is more his than mine, I won't get much equity (mortgage 97k,OH's advance of salary for house purchase21K house worth as is about £130,000, if finished £150,000). He wants me out. He wants the kids, as i do so joint custody would be best.

He can state the moon is made out of green cheese. It's also what you put into the house. Remove your personal financial records from the house so they can not be interfered with or destroyed.

He can ask you to leave, but so long as you own any part of that house you don't have to. If he starts intimidation, then you will have to go down the court order route.

Such as shame it comes to this. :grouphug:

Sea78

What is the situation when married and debt is in one name only? Does the other person have any resposibility to the debt? I fear not, but just wanted to check!

Sea xx

chevalier

I really think that he is going to have the time to do a full time job and look after small children NOT. He is clearly not thinking this through at all. Just lashing out. It is easier to lash out than to admit, that the reason you are in the poo is because of him (at least in part).

As regards the house, a court would not put you out on the street if you have dependent children. They are far more likely to say that the house stays until the children are 18 and then it gets sold, so that they have a roof over their head.

You need to talk to the CAB about where you stand about all this. And I would agree with the other poster that you need to ensure that your personal records are not destroyed, so that you can deal with the debt.
chev

ZTD

Sea78 wrote:

What is the situation when married and debt is in one name only? Does the other person have any resposibility to the debt? I fear not, but just wanted to check!

Sea xx

Not in the way you've framed the question.

However, as regards splitting the assets in a divorce (this is all in my opinion only), the debts can taken from the assets, then the assets split. So that (Round Number Alert!) if you owe £50,000 and the assets are £100,000, then you'd get £75,000 and he'd get £25,000 so that you'd both end up with £25,000 nett.

That depends on how a divorce goes, which is like trying to predict the lottery IMHO.

CLAPTON

you really need to get some urgent legal advice.
it must more likely that any judge will allow you to stay in the home with the kids than him.
dont leave the home as that will weaken your position.
get some legal advice asap.