Grrrr Problems with OH over DMP

janiegs · 12 February 2007 at 5:56PM

Not bending over backwards to do what he wants does not make you mad. It's an old trick that one, as in "if you get upset when I am unreasonable or selfish I will then do my utmost to make you think there is something wrong with you".

It took my sister a good 6 months after her nut case husband left her to realise that she was actually normal, and he was selfish and barking mad!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

MinnieSpender · 12 February 2007 at 10:14PM

Sea - firstly, a big hug. You're clearly having a dreadful time.

Secondly, get legal advice. A previous poster made a very good point. If you have a union, ring them tomorrow and see if you can speak to a solicitor through them. If you aren't in a union or can't speak to someone urgently, you can get an initial consultation free with many solicitors, or try the CAB.

Thirdly, your husband (I take it you are married?) is making threats which probably have very little foundation. Telling you to get out of the house because he owns "most of it" are a result of high temper and not of fact. Other posters are right in saying that having children changes the whole situation and there are other factors to consider (such as how the property is owned and what you have put into it aside from the mortgage).

Fourthly, is there any way the two of you can sit down with an uninvolved third party and talk things through? Relate are obvious here (and I note that you're going anyway - £40 is money well spent with Relate, even if you go alone), but a solicitor or the CAB may be able to suggest a mediator if you're both willing to discuss the situation. It might cost, but it might also save a lot of money in litigation further down the line.

Good luck and remember to keep breathing.

The best to you x

Bunnyinthelights · 13 February 2007 at 12:38PM

Sea,
How are you getting on?
Bunny

ZTD · 14 February 2007 at 8:06PM

Bump diddy bump diddy bump bump bump.

Sea78 · 14 February 2007 at 8:12PM

Hi

Well, I've got a relate appointment in the morning, but it looks like I'll be going alone

He has been doing NOTHING but playing on his xbox 360 now it's connected to the internet. He did take dd to nursery this morning (dressed her in the clothes I lay out and fed her the breakfast I put out the night before) but apart from that nothing. Feel like banging my head against the wall.

His sister's custody court case was today and we;re all horrified and shocked that her husband got custody of their little boy. This is a man who tells his little boy that his mummy makes him eat bugs on holiday so that he'd look good to the court. If he can get custody then what if my whole situation got nasty? Feel numb still. Will go to relate and see what they say. Will just have to find the £40 from somewhere - not sure which pot it can come from though.

thanks for asking.

Sea xx

Bunnyinthelights · 14 February 2007 at 8:15PM

Sea,
Please let us know how it went with Relate today.
I really really feel for you, it could so easily be me.
Remain strong,
Bunny x

Sea78 · 14 February 2007 at 8:17PM

Thanks - it's at 10.30 in the morning, so dd will be in nursery at least, but ds will be at home as I was going to get the childminder to miind him if OH was coming, but as he's not, he can 'watch' him. (more like play xbox while he plays).

Sea xx

MinnieSpender · 14 February 2007 at 8:17PM

Sea - good luck with the Relate appointment tomorrow. They'll try to help you see things more clearly.

I can't comment on your sister's case but I would urge you NOT to worry that something similar would happen in a case that you were involved with should it come to that.

One step at a time, eh?

Hugs
Mins x