Grrrr Problems with OH over DMP

Sea78

Hmmm well had it fully out with OH now. He's says he's not giong to talk to anyone about anything to do with our relationship - I said if it went to divorce he would have to and he just keep saying, I am not going to relate, I am not going to relate.

He's not so bad but I don't know if I can cope with this being my life forever (and yes, I've had a drink tonight considering it's valentine's day and all!).

I really appreciate all the support and advice from you guys, I know this probably isn't the right board but thanks!

Sea xxx

katecheshire

Sea78 wrote:

Hmmm well had it fully out with OH now. He's says he's not giong to talk to anyone about anything to do with our relationship - I said if it went to divorce he would have to and he just keep saying, I am not going to relate, I am not going to relate.

He's not so bad but I don't know if I can cope with this being my life forever (and yes, I've had a drink tonight considering it's valentine's day and all!).

I really appreciate all the support and advice from you guys, I know this probably isn't the right board but thanks!

Sea xxx

Just read through from the beginning - big hug to you!! Having been through a very long divorce myself a few years ago (took 6 years until last of finance was sorted due to OH refusing to co-operate) I would suggest that CAB will be more use then Relate (tried that to but waste of time if one person won't talk). You need to work out what your situation would be if for example you DID want to sell the house to clear your debt; what if anything you would be left with; what would be your situation about getting some social housing eg a housing association; shared equity etc (you would not want to make yourself intentionally homeless). You probably would be able to stay in your house but if OH insisted on his 'share' you would find it hard to raise the money to pay him (that was my problem).
Do not worry about your kids - they will be happier away from a bad atmosphere - my daughter was only 5 when it all started but even she said she was happier that we split up. They are young and all you have to do is keep loving them!!
One thing I would say is that your OH sounds as if he could be depressed (I mean medically rather that just a miserable sod!). He doesn't seem very motivated if he just wants to sit around playing games. Is there anyone he trusts that he would talk to - I think he needs to sort himself out before there is any chance of you two talking properly.
I am sorry that you are both in this sad situation - but things can work out well in the end. I have a lovely OH now and although we are skint at the moment we are happy and so is DD (and she gets o fine with her Dad now even though he is still a skinflint:rotfl: )

Sea78

katecheshire wrote:

One thing I would say is that your OH sounds as if he could be depressed (I mean medically rather that just a miserable sod!). He doesn't seem very motivated if he just wants to sit around playing games. Is there anyone he trusts that he would talk to - I think he needs to sort himself out before there is any chance of you two talking properly.
I am sorry that you are both in this sad situation - but things can work out well in the end. I have a lovely OH now and although we are skint at the moment we are happy and so is DD (and she gets o fine with her Dad now even though he is still a skinflint:rotfl: )

Hi

I wondered that too but there is no chance of Oh thinking this or acting on this. Honestly, his family is a force. He thinks he has done nothing and I am a mad thing. He brings up instances where, I agree, I have flown off the handle at things, but then so has he (like ringing my mum's house 11 times as he thought I wasn't there but having sex with a man - I wa sin bed with my mum chatting to me over a breakfast she'd brought up to me as I was shattered). I just don't know if I can be with someone who won't even compromise enought to come with me for one hour to try to sort out our marriage. And then I question myself to see if I'm being unreasonable?
Thanks for the reply - it helps and gives me more to think about.
Sea xx

Morglin

I spent years in an unhappy marriage because of "practicalities" - the house, the kids, the families, the finances, the onset of my disability - I always had a "reason" to stay.:rolleyes:

But, in the end, I realised that my sanity really had to take preference over the rest of it, so I walked away, took a lot of deep breaths and dealt with the rest.

It's not easy to end a marriage, but looking back, I realise now it was the best thing I ever did.

It took me ages to sort my finances, but it can be done - and this time, I could make a plan of budgeting and no one else was spending more than we could afford and telling me they were "entitled" to their hobbies......:eek:

Put yourself first, good luck and take care.

Lin

hypno06

Just popped on to say good luck for this morning. Stay strong and remember that you are worth so much more than the situation you are currently in x

katecheshire

Sea78 wrote:

Hi

I wondered that too but there is no chance of Oh thinking this or acting on this. Honestly, his family is a force. He thinks he has done nothing and I am a mad thing. He brings up instances where, I agree, I have flown off the handle at things, but then so has he (like ringing my mum's house 11 times as he thought I wasn't there but having sex with a man - I wa sin bed with my mum chatting to me over a breakfast she'd brought up to me as I was shattered). I just don't know if I can be with someone who won't even compromise enought to come with me for one hour to try to sort out our marriage. And then I question myself to see if I'm being unreasonable?
Thanks for the reply - it helps and gives me more to think about.
Sea xx

I felt that things got worse with my OH after we had our DD - even though he wanted to have a child. We had been married 10 years. I felt he never got over not being the centre of attention, especially as he was a younger child and much fussed over. He had had numerous affairs over the years and the last one was the last straw for me. He did become depressed, drinking too much, unpredictable and eventually violent . . . time to go!!! I could see that he was depressed but it was past being my problem. If your OH is not able to face the fact that he is unhappy and making you the same then you must take care of yourself and your little ones.

XXXX

Bunnyinthelights

Sea,
I hope the appointment helps today. Good luck
Bunny x

webitha

good luck today hun

sending you postitve vibes :grouphug:

misspoppy

HI Sea

I'm sorry your having a tough time but there are lots of people here looking out for you.

I just wanted to say that I too have been in a difficult marriage but without the kids and I didn't want it to end because of financial and pride issues but it was the best thing i could do I grew so much as a person and very quickly saw that my ex was not my equal and this was draggin me down to his level and this seems to be a situation that you are in.

I would certainly get legal advice and keep a log of everything that has happened recently and as time goes on so when you eventually come to discuss arrangements for your children it is all noted and your solicitor can use this info. As you pointed out before you are a teacher and in a prime position to care for your children full time where as your ex would find this more difficult.

Good luck and keep us all posted with how you are doing as we do all care and want to be there for you.

Alisonbel

Hope everything goes well today xxxx