Grrrr Problems with OH over DMP

kiwi88_2

Sea78 wrote: »

Hi all

Well what a night!

The solicitor was lovely - really straight down the line and reassured me about lots of the carp that Oh has been spouting is rubbish.

Basically, I would get the house as the children can't be made homeless, I would then take on the £37000 debt as would have the equity and OH woul dhave to repay the £21000 to his work - HOWEVER, there would be nominal/no maintenance payments from him as our wages are low and he would have this debt and I'd have the equity/house.

Oh went pale when I discussed this with him and started saying the sol was wrong,, he;'s looked into it loads etc.

I'd also probably get legal support so it wouldn't cost me loads.

Thanks for reading!!

Sea xxx

Hi Sea
I have been keeping an eye on your thread but just wanted to let you know how fantastic I think you are and congratulations for keeping it together for the children for this long.

Please please keep coming here for support and ranting even if it's only to get it straight in your own mind.

Stick to you guns, I think your solicitor sounds really good and OH should start to panic! Unfortunately I think your right and OH will not go quickly or quietly and in order for you and the children to have peace of mind you might have to start telling the solicitor about his behaviour to get him to move out before it's all finalised.

One thing though please don't consider selling up as an option no matter what OH says. You will be worse off in the end.

Well done you and best wishes.

Sea78

Hi - thanks for the support

I do think I'll have to tell the solicitor the details but I didn't really want to and John will deny that he is in any way out of order of course. He's being really nice now, fitted a blind in my son's room so he can actually see out the window (it was a bin liner taped up before - omg that sounds really bad but we've been doing up his room). I feel terrible so am off to bed for a nap so he's taken the kids out. No dount that'll end up being thrown back in my face...

so am off to bed now!

Sea xx

RAS

Hold on in their lady. it will work out in the end.

chevalier

hi there
you know that nothing you do or say (other than to give in) is going to improve your OH. The trick is to not stoop to his level and snipe back. It is hard going. But remember that the more even tempered you are, the more unreasonable he will look.

keep strong
chev

Emmzi

Stay strong Sea! OH will most likely tell you all kinds of rubbish now.. wants custody to get a financial advantage I'll bet... just keep listening to your solicitor!

Well done.

xx

Bunnyinthelights

Hi Sea,
Well done on the move forward. You are doing an amazing job with the children.
We'll be here for you to rant anytime.
Bunny x

Sea78

Oh thank you all Makes me feel better!

OH took the kids out as I said before and I went to bed - an hour later he returns with both kids crying and kicking off. He comes up, wakes me and says he's going to see his mate!!!!! I then calm the kids, ds just in a grump as he often is when he wakes up. DD is crying because OH said he would garden with her but then couldn't because ds was crying(???). I sort them and off he goes, coming back 15 mins later telling me he's off out to a BBQ (gets all dressed up including polishing shoes, so obviously going out afterwards - care?NO!!). He went out at 5.00pm and I've given the kids their tea, they've played in the garden - gorgeous evening, and they're just having a wind down before bed.

Makes me laugh that he honestly thinks he could cope 50/50 or more.

Anyhoo, I'm going to attempt to look at finances tonight and perhaps post up a SOA - and will look at the figures in various circumstances, although I'm going to stick to the original idea of staying here with the kids....I can't predict what will happen so I might as well figure out things for htis eventuality and work towards that.

Enough waffling from me anyway! Better get those kids in bed...Paper Bag Princess here we come (at least it's not Charlie and Lola AGAIN!! I swear they are 5 pages too long ).

Sea xxx

Sea78

Right

Here goes - and please, please be gentle!! I know I might ge things wrong, but the being on own thing is going to take some getting used to!!

SOA-

Monthly Incomings:

My salary - 915
Benefits - inc. wftc & CB 688 - seems an awful lot...

Total - 1603

Monthly Outgoings:

Mortgage/Rent - £556
Council Tax - £77
Gas - £40 - although with gas and electric I have no idea nad this will have to be addressed - I need to send off (find out who they are first) for the bills now so I can get money from OH to pay for the constant heating etc.
Electric - £40
TV License - £11.37
Water - £50 - this might go down if there were fewer of us? Or perhaps a water meter, although with the amount of washing i do!!
Phone - BT - £13ish, aim to keep it below.
Mobile - mine - £35 a month - yes, and will be looking to reduce this package, as am locked into contract for another 15 months.
My other mobile is OH's and will be cancelled at the beginning of May.
Food - £150??? I know it can be done for less....
Car - can I afford it? I need to drop ds off at the best chlidminder in the world so my mum has agreed to lend me hers until situation is a little better - so
Petrol - £40?
Life Insurance £14.60 - joint policy - obviously need to change this now and look for a good deal.
British Gas Cover - £16
House ins - £25 saving a month - will shop around for better policy in August and hopefully will get a good deal in which case will use excess for another thing such as DD's new school uniform etc.
Childcare - not including dd as she's only got a term left and then is off with me over summer and I won't be paying on my own for that...
DS - £240 will be looking at paying this through childcare vouchers so could save £40 on this....
Dentist - £5 (saving in case I need something done, which is likely!)
NUT - £9.60
Hair - nope, mum pays once a year. Kids can be done by me.
Birthdays/gifts/christmas - really hard one. Can't afford much really - £20 savings a month and any ebaying money etc.
Clothes for the three of us - £30?
Outgoings without CCCS debt repayment:
£1372.57
Right.
So then I'd have £230.43 to pay towards the debt.

Now with DS getting a little older, I may then also get full time work (perhaps looking at next september rather than this one though) and then could afford more debt repayment. Benefits do then obviously go down as well though.

I think I qualify for free school meals for DD when she starts.

Of course all dependent on what happens and if OH (guess I should really say ex now ) goes or if he fights for custody etc.

Will be vv tight...but there are areas for shavings, such as the food budget, although I don't want to!, the house ins, gas & electric, the mobile etc.

Helps to have tried to sort this a little, also need to look at the current one and chop bits out of it as need to try to save as much money as I can now.

Sea xx

ilovegreatdanes

hi sea,
just wondered where you had gone cos hadnt heard from you for ages on the other thread but read all the posts and understand whats been going on.keeping up with the threads is the least of your worries!!!
just wanted to wish you luck and will keep up with your progress.im really proud of you and you should be too!
if all else fails,take a deep breath, count to ten and keep up your good work cos you are doing great.
lots of love and positive thoughts.regards,xx

needawayout_2

Hi there sea.
I'm pretty new here but have been reading your thread just recently. I just wanted to add my support and ((((((hugs))))) you are doing so well, you sound like a strong woman and a brilliant mum!
I'm not sure I can be of any help with your SOA as I am up poo creek without a paddle right now but thought I'd send you lots of love. Look after yourself, you are doing so well
Livvie xxx