Grrrr Problems with OH over DMP

smilealot

Good luck my lovely. Let us know how it goes. Thinking of you x x

RAS

Glad to hear that you are looking after yourself. Take care and remember that if things get to you, or you just want a bit of company, people are here for you.

Sea78

Am feeling very nervous now - OH is coming back at 4 to watch the children and my apps at 5. My sleep is up the wall - even though I'm sleeping ok, it never feels like I'm actually rested - v strange. I guess it could be a side effect of the anti-ds - will have to ask the dr.

Not sure what else I should take to the solicitors appointment, but have written out (as I said before) the children's details, childcare and then the full financial breakdown as well. Am worried that he will think I'm really silly (I *know* he won't but still...)

Sea xxx

RAS

Sea

Just take it easy.

Be assured he has seen it all before, plus some.

Do check with the docs re the anti-ds. They have some strange effects. When OH moves out, you will sleep a lot better.

RAS

teecee152

Sea - Hope all goes well with the solictor this afternoon, I will be thinking of you!!!

Stay strong.

teecee xx

in_debt_again_but_dealing_with_it

Sea
I'll be thinking of you at 5pm hope all goes well!!
Love and a big virtual hug!!
IDA
xxx

hypno06

good luck hun x

beanielou

Hope it all went well Sea

Sea78

Hi all

Well what a night!

The solicitor was lovely - really straight down the line and reassured me about lots of the carp that Oh has been spouting is rubbish.

Basically, I would get the house as the children can't be made homeless, I would then take on the £37000 debt as would have the equity and OH woul dhave to repay the £21000 to his work - HOWEVER, there would be nominal/no maintenance payments from him as our wages are low and he would have this debt and I'd have the equity/house.

Oh went pale when I discussed this with him and started saying the sol was wrong,, he;'s looked into it loads etc.

He is now saying he wants 50/50 custody/residence but I really don't think this is best for the children - it's obviously not about the money for me as I'd still have this debt and would be living VERY frugally but could afford it (checked it all out and thankfully have the last resort of appealing to family if I felt the children were suffering etc). The children need stability, they are still only young and ds is only 20 months and doesn't do very well at going to other places - he's fine, but it takes him a couple of days to settle (ie he doesn't eat for a day or so).

I'd also probably get legal support so it wouldn't cost me loads.

Other option was to sell house, payoff debts but then we'd probably still hve debt left over and no home for the children. If he makes me do this I will be going back to leeds, hopefully with the children as couldn't afford to stay here. Last resort as I don't want to take the kids away from him iyswim.

Debts are 50% his, despite being in my name which is a relief.

So next week I have to ring my sol to start the divorce - only way to clear all the financial stuff as well. i have a feeling this isn't going to be 'amicable' and may well go to full court and turn nasty. He's not moving out.

I can't believe he honestly thinks the children would be better 50/50. I was on my own in London for most of the time between ds being 4-11 months as he was working up here but I still had my job down there to go back to. He came back at weekends. I managed fine.

He's going over the top with the kids, last night when I was at the sol he did gardening with dd - wonderful but so out of character it makes me feel cynical which in turn makes me feel awful. I feel so guilty about it all but there is no other way now.

He also managed to stick the knife by randomly saying that his mum will want DD's bed back as she bought it and will want it to go with OH to his new house (yeah, right - like that will happen anytime soon). I just thought this was really petty and quite mean so I'm thinking of mentioning it to my father and he will probably buy it for Sophia - we have a strange relationship, but are beginning to forge a father/daughter relationship which is nice. Also good for ds to have some positive male role models who don't drink all the time.

Anyway. Sorry for the rant, it's all up in the air now. I know I have plenty of things to say about his controlling, possessive, aggressive behaviour if need be but I really don't want it to get to that point.

Thanks for reading!!

Sea xxx

Mrs_J_3

Hugs. You've got a long way to go, but you're doing the right thing. Keep strong, you'll get there in the end and your life and the childrens lives will be a million times better.