Grrrr Problems with OH over DMP

hypno06

As your friend says, he is playing mind games.

You, however, are being strong, doing fab things with the kids and making a move to get on with your life in a positive way x

ZTD

Sea78 wrote: »

He then dropped the biggie that he doesn't want us to get divorced, he won't see a solicitor til I file for divorce and that he thinks we were getting on better before last weekend and that his mum thinks it's all about the money. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. So now it's all my doing that I'm going to tear up the family - I can't win, can I???Made another app with the sol, won't be til next wednesday.

Are you going to drop the biggie that he's going to have to stop drinking? Get his mum roped in too. Tell her that he has a problem, is in denial, and you want her to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't fall off the wagon when he's round there.

You might get your divorce yet.

RAS

Sea

Remembering how upset you were when he announced he wanted a divorce, I think this is cruel.

Quite simply, having told you that he wants a divorce, he has "wounded" your marriage and your confidence in his enduring support.

Turning round now and saying that he has changed his mind does not change what he did then. He has to be reminded of that, as does his family.

If he wants to try again, then i would suggest it is Relate or else, if you want to even go there. And a much better response to your DMP situation.

Unless you are single, I would not recommend divorce financially, it simply costs more for two people to run two households rather then one household. But if he is not prepared to pull his weight financially (put the beer money into the DMP), then it might be better for you.

And whose idea is the reconciliation, his or his mum's?

I have to say that based on your posts, I do think it is about money. He thought he could leave all the debt behind, get a load of capital and start over again, leaving you with the crap. Now he knows that he will have to pay half the debt and would not get any equity, the proposition look less cosy than staying in the curent situation.

Anyway, best wishes. Enjoy the kids and the weather. Take care and book in when you need support.

NekoZombie

Hiya,

I've been lurking on here and reading your diary with avid interest. Just wanted to send a message of support and echo what other have said above. Def sounds like he's confused (which isn't unreasonable, actually) and doesn't want to make the wrong decision. However, saying he thinks you just fight over money is possibly an oversimplification - he has to start giving more emotionally to support the relationship and give up the beer!

Take care xx

charl8888

Sea
I have also been avidly reading your thread and can really sympathise with the problems you've been having with OH. You have been fantastically strong and a great Mum in these tough times. The worst times I had with my OH were when my children were at that young age and I didn't feel he was pulling his weight. But you have much more than that to contend with, the alcohol being a major one.
Do you think that this could be the last chance to save your relationship, or has it gone beyond that now? I think its really important that you find the answer to that, and only you can do that. You probably already know the answer, deep down.
Thinking of you and wishing you all the best x

chevalier

Sorry but does he think that this is a game. He has as someone else pointed out wounded your marriage, by asking for a divorce, does he now think that saying he doesn't want it, makes everything else go away? Ie his drinking etc?

Sorry but that is not how it works. You have to do the right thing for you. Would you want to go back to the way things were before? Ie having rows about the DMP and the beer money and the xbox etc? I don't think so!

Best of luck
chev

Emmzi

Sea,

if you are in two minds..

"trial seperation."

His mum fetches kids to see him. You have NO CONTACT -no phone, emails, anything- for 30 days minumum.

Does your life feel better or worse at the end of the 30 days than the start?

I think there's a balance of opinion here that you'd be better off without; but it has to be your choice. We'll support you whatever. (Well I will, can't speak for others.) But maybe some space would give you some perspective.

xx

chunky79

Oh sea
I see thing haven't really progressed for you other than your Oh being cruel to you.
You seemto have foudn an amazing strength and i like it, this strength will get you through all the hard times

I had an ex very similar to yours he was evil,loved mind games. I was weak and lived with it for years and one day he said he wnated a divorce i was devastated but i started to take stock of my life and realised i was wasting my youthful years. I took me 12 months to actually get the courage to do it and i went through all the emotions you are having now. Now 5 years 6 months later i realise i made the best choice in my life.

Sea78

Thanks - he would never agree to that, nor would his mum! Have suggested it before...

But I have got a lot to think about and thanks for all the lovely messages - it helps me to see different outside opinions to judge the situation without all the carp that's going on in it - if you see what I mean?

So tomorrow is Ofsted at school - eeeekkk!! I hope they don't come and see me.

Kids are the priority still and did have a wonderful day - they are fast asleep with no problems tonight

ANd at the risk of boring everyone with photos - here are some more!!:D






Love Sea xxx

in_debt_again_but_dealing_with_it

Sea
Love all the photos! Makes me feel guilty for not appreciating my own little un enough they grow so fast!! Hope things are quiet with you - I know its like walking on egg shells or taking a roller coaster ride (backwards!) - Take care!
love
IDA
xx