Opinions....Don't know what to do!

peachyprice

Why do you have to stay in the 5 star luxury in May, why not 4 star it that's what you'd do anyway?


(Your school breaks up very early for England)

BugglyB

Lotus-eater wrote: »

No!!!

You have no right to tell someone else how to spend they're hard earn't, or tell them where to have a holiday.
I would be upset if I was asked to pay alot to go to someone else's wedding, this has been covered often on here before and it's the same old arguments that get dragged out.

So, as you say. Two lots of people seem to think completely differently. One lot I consider to be selfish. I'm in the other one

I dont think its necessarily an argument about whether getting married abroad is right. What the op seems to want is a way to go on holiday and not go to the wedding, where her sister isn't going to be upset. Which, realistically, is just not going to happen.

So you might say, well its the bride sisters fault, decision and responsibility - which is it - but the OP still has to deal with the fallout, whether that is fair or not.

We can all say yes you are right, your sister is being unfair, but we dont have to deal with angry and upset sister.

Personally I see sibling relationships as give and take. Yes you might fork out unreasonable cash to see your sister get married abroad, but tomorow you might have to say to that sister, my husband has cancer, can you help us look after the kids during his treatment, or, I have lost my job, can we move in with you for a few weeks. Only you personally can gauge whether that sibling will be there for you when the time comes.

My sister has always looked after me and taken care of me and helped me in life, so I would move heaven and earth to be at her wedding, even if it was on the moon and cost a million pounds I would find a way. OP may not feel like that about her sister but that is a decision only she can make.

burnoutbabe

claire16c wrote: »

The thing is though, they have both chosen to go to the same place, so cant even use that as an excuse!

not the exact same place, just same country? still could be a world of difference between the locations and types of holidays. I'd still totally avoid the issue by having a totally different holiday though, so no need to justify it.

I would try and easyjet it there and back for a day if possible but its often not possible to do normal flights to those sort of places very easily or cheaply, all geared up for people going for a fixed week.

The fact kids would need to be taken out of school for 10 days is a big no no to me, surely the school would refuse/fine you anyway.

claire16c

joanne0620 wrote: »

Just to clarify, holiday in May involves children being out of school for 10 days and comes in at just over £2.5k.

Holiday in July (beginning Sat 14th) involves no time out of school as our hols start on the 13th and comes in at a cost of £1635, admittedly the May holiday is complete 5 star luxury and the July one is 4 star.

I will post back when my head is clearer and I've mulled things over even more

How much does a cheaper hotel near the wedding cost in May? You have to compare like for like.

It does seem a bit off your sis didnt plan the wedding nr the school hols in June though if you have a kid? Or is your school half term not in 1st wk June anyway?

Lotus-eater

BugglyB wrote: »

I dont think its necessarily an argument about whether getting married abroad is right.

I don't know where you saw me say that.

It's up to people where they get married. They have that right.

Just as everyone else has the right to choose whether they go or not.

No one is being unfair, unless undue pressure is put on someone to attend. Which is the case here. So her family/sister are at fault.

claire16c

burnoutbabe wrote: »

not the exact same place, just same country? still could be a world of difference between the locations and types of holidays. I'd still totally avoid the issue by having a totally different holiday though, so no need to justify it.

I would try and easyjet it there and back for a day if possible but its often not possible to do normal flights to those sort of places very easily or cheaply, all geared up for people going for a fixed week.

The fact kids would need to be taken out of school for 10 days is a big no no to me, surely the school would refuse/fine you anyway.

So would I, going to the same country weeks apart would just cause an argument. I doubt there is really that much difference between these two particular holidays.

Not necessarily re the school. Its been talked about on here before.

Infact a lot of the mums at the school where I take children I look after to every day, have been talking about hols recently, and plenty of them are taking kids out of school for holidays coming up at one time or another. One just got permission back today for 2 weeks off.

But, I do think if youre inviting people with kids you should do it in the school hols or at least next to school hols, because clearly they may decide not to come otherwise.

burnoutbabe

though thats each person's own choice about their child to take them out of school or not (with their knowledge of where in the school year it is and their childs needs).

Not someone else deciding about your childs eduction?

Spendless

onlyroz wrote: »

Sorry, but I find this attitude extremely selfish. You're upset because your relative didn't want to blow their annual holiday budget on your wedding? If people have the luxury of being able to afford a holiday (and many people do not), surely they should also be able to choose the time and destination as well?

To the OP - you should explain to your sister that your circumstances have changed so that you can now afford a holiday, and you looked into the practicalities of now attending her wedding, but this still wouldn't work out when all the factors (cost, annual leave, school term dates) are considered.

And I find your opinion incredibly rude and the people who thanked you since you don't know what happened and are making assumptions! FTR what happened is we asked relative if they could afford to come to our wedding abroad. They have a sibling who lives in the neighbouring country to where we were getting wed. They said yes, they would go on hol to see sibling (something they often do as the relatives spouse refuses to holiday anywhere so it's the only hol this relative gets by visiting family)and catch a flight from the neighbouring country just for the day or so to see us marry. We then booked said wedding and the relative then said they couldn't afford it - fair enough but if you'd said that before we booked then we'd have considered alternatives. This relative then started to make noises about going on hol to see sibling in the neighbouring country a few weeks after we were to marry. Without spelling out who this relative is, it's a close one, closer than a sibling! And yes, if they had the money to go and see sibling a few weeks later, then I do think they could have spent the money doing what they originally said. The cost of the flight and accomodation from neighbouring country to where we were was on a par with paying for a flight at the more expensive time of year said relative was making noises about going than when we wed.

onlyroz

10 days out of school is a big no no for me as well. Unless you can afford a separate weekend trip out (perhaps just you, leaving the rest of the family at home, then I wouldn't feel in the slightest bit guilty about not going.

claire16c

burnoutbabe wrote: »

though thats each person's own choice about their child to take them out of school or not (with their knowledge of where in the school year it is and their childs needs).

Not someone else deciding about your childs eduction?

I agree. If theyve booked in term time then they should expect people with kids to decide they might not come.