Opinions....Don't know what to do!

onlyroz

Spendless wrote: »

And I find your opinion incredibly rude since you don't know what happened and are making assumptions! FTR what happened is we asked relative if they could afford to come to our wedding abroad. They have a sibling who lives in the neighbouring country to where we were getting wed. They said yes, they would go on hol to see sibling (something they often do as the relatives spouse refuses to holiday anywhere so it's the only hol this relative gets by visiting family)and catch a flight from the neighbouring country just for the day or so to see us marry. We then booked said wedding and the relative then said they couldn't afford it - fair enough but if you'd said that before we booked then we'd have considered alternatives. This relative then started to make noises about going on hol to see sibling in the neighbouring country a few weeks after we were to marry. Without spelling out who this relative is, it's a close one, closer than a sibling! And yes, if they had the money to go and see sibling a few weeks later, then I do think they could have spent the money doing what they originally said. The cost of the flight and accomodation from neighbouring country to where we were was on a par with paying for a flight at the more expensive time of year said relative was making noises about going than when we wed.

If they had said they would go and then changed their mind (assuming they were aware at the time how much it would cost) then that is slightly different. However, people's financial situation can change, as can their time commitments, and I still don't think you have the right to dictate how somebody else spends their money and time.

peachyprice

Lotus-eater wrote: »

No one is being unfair, unless undue pressure is put on someone to attend. Which is the case
here. So her family/sister are at fault.

How are her family/sister at fault when they know nothing about her planned holiday?

No-one is putting pressure on OP, she told them ages ago she wasn't going, that was accpeted with a bit of face pulling, done and dusted.

OP has now created a new dilema for herself, nothing to do with her sister/family. They don't even know she's planning ongoing to Turkey 8 weeks after the wedding yet.

balletshoes

joanne0620 wrote: »

Just to clarify, holiday in May involves children being out of school for 10 days and comes in at just over £2.5k.

Holiday in July (beginning Sat 14th) involves no time out of school as our hols start on the 13th and comes in at a cost of £1635, admittedly the May holiday is complete 5 star luxury and the July one is 4 star.

I will post back when my head is clearer and I've mulled things over even more

ah right now see Joanne, now that you've clarified the school holidays issue, thats a completely different argument for me, and I wouldn't be taking my child out of school for 10 days to go on holiday and attend my sister's wedding. It wouldn't matter whether you could afford it or not.
But unless I'm mistaken, you didn't tell your sister that was the reason you originally couldn't go to her wedding, did you? You need to be completely honest with her now and tell her, if you decide not to go, that its the being out of school thats the issue, not the cost.

ps - I still think your sister might be miffed if you go on holiday to Turkey in July.

Lotus-eater

peachyprice wrote: »

How are her family/sister at fault when they know nothing about her planned holiday?

No-one is putting pressure on OP, she told them ages ago she wasn't going, that was accpeted with a bit of face pulling, done and dusted.

OP has now created a new dilema for herself, nothing to do with her sister/family. They don't even know she's planning ongoing to Turkey 8 weeks after the wedding yet.

Because she knows it will cause problems, that's why she's debating what to do.

She hasn't really created the dilemma. Unless she created it by suddenly being better off now. Either that or she exaggerated her money problems to start with.

The whole dilemma is going to turn out to be, well if you can afford to go on holiday, then you should spend it going to my/your sisters, wedding.

Not a good idea to go to the same country though, that's just rubbing their faces in it.

Derivative

Lotus-eater wrote: »

The whole dilemma is going to turn out to be, well if you can afford to go on holiday, then you should spend it going to my/your sisters, wedding.

Yes.

And if you couldn't afford the sister's wedding last year, unless you've had a massive windfall, I find it difficult to believe you can really 'afford' a holiday this year.

Unless of course, your definition of afford is "it costs less than 100% of my savings", or "I can afford the repayments on a loan". Which will only contribute to not being able to afford more family events in the future.

Save the money, then you'll have £000's to potentially choose to drop on a whim in the future.

Problem solved.

Lotus-eater

EdgEy wrote: »

And if you couldn't afford the sister's wedding last year, unless you've had a massive windfall, I find it difficult to believe you can really 'afford' a holiday this year.

Unless of course, your definition of afford is "it costs less than 100% of my savings", or "I can afford the repayments on a loan". Which will only contribute to not being able to afford more family events in the future.

See I was thinking this. But peoples want to go on holiday, balanced against their money sense, varies widely.

<presuming>that may be why they are money hardship to start with</presuming>

peachyprice

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Because she knows it will cause problems, that's why she's debating what to do.

Really? I can't see where you're deduced that from at all, OP has said nothing of the sort, infact she's said very little

joanne0620 wrote: »

BUT....I just don't know how my sister is going to react

Lotus-eater

peachyprice wrote: »

Really? I can't see where you're deduced that from at all, OP has said nothing of the sort, infact she's said very little

Yep, you're right, I took too much from my imagination.

I bet I'm right though

deedardingle

It's none of our business to know why the OP's sister has chosen to get married abroad but it could be she is marrying a Turkish man, in which case it would be easier for a number of reasons, for the bridal party to travel to Turkey than the other way round.

If I was getting married abroad and my sister told me she couldn't afford to come, I would be upset but accept it. However, if she was then able to afford a holiday in the same country a few weeks later, I would be very hurt as I would feel that she really didn't want to be at my wedding in the first place.

OP, if you really do want to attend your sister's wedding, what I would do in your situation is, although it's not ideal to take a child out of school, I would this once make an exception. I would book flights and hotels separately, booking a cheap bed and breakfast hotel or self catering apartment, as near as I could to the hotel my sister was staying in. (You can get some really nice ones in Turkey for £6/7 per night) Then, I would book the remainder of the holiday at the hotel of my choice, providing it used the same airport and was in reasonable travelling distance, if in a different resort. Would this be an option for you?

Spendless

onlyroz wrote: »

If they had said they would go and then changed their mind (assuming they were aware at the time how much it would cost) then that is slightly different. However, people's financial situation can change, as can their time commitments, and I still don't think you have the right to dictate how somebody else spends their money and time.

There was no issue over time committments and the noises being made about going to their siblings was BEFORE we had got married, they were talking about going a few weeks later at a more expensive time. There was no financial situation changing either ie they weren't suddenly coming into a pot of money after our wedding and just in time for them to go away. I think I have every right to be narked that someone close says they can't afford to come but suddenly has exactly the same money to do something very similar. if you don't want to come say so, but don't use dosh as the excuse when it isn't.