Opinions....Don't know what to do!

onlyroz

Spendless wrote: »

I've been in a similar position only I was the bride. It narked me beyond belief that the close relative that said they couldn't afford to go (though they'd said they could afford it when we 1st put it to them) was then making noises about going on a different holiday instead!

Sorry, but I find this attitude extremely selfish. You're upset because your relative didn't want to blow their annual holiday budget on your wedding? If people have the luxury of being able to afford a holiday (and many people do not), surely they should also be able to choose the time and destination as well?

To the OP - you should explain to your sister that your circumstances have changed so that you can now afford a holiday, and you looked into the practicalities of now attending her wedding, but this still wouldn't work out when all the factors (cost, annual leave, school term dates) are considered.

aliasojo

onlyroz wrote: »

Sorry, but I find this attitude extremely selfish. You're upset because your relative didn't want to blow their annual holiday budget on your wedding?

Doesn't it have a lot to do with how close the people are though?

Personally, I wouldn't be in any way upset if an aunt or an uncle of mine put a holiday before my wedding, but I would be upset if a sister or brother thought it was more important to book a holiday rather than attend my wedding. I would feel it signified just how little they cared tbh. It's not as if they couldn't amalgamate the two and do both simultaneously. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

We're all different so I understand others might not see it like that but I think the OP needs to at least consider that aspect.

balletshoes

onlyroz wrote: »

To the OP - you should explain to your sister that your circumstances have changed so that you can now afford a holiday, and you looked into the practicalities of now attending her wedding, but this still wouldn't work out when all the factors (cost, annual leave, school term dates) are considered.

I'm not sure any of that has been considered by the OP yet though.

burnoutbabe

aliasojo wrote: »

I would feel it signified just how little they cared tbh. It's not as if they couldn't amalgamate the two and do both simultaneously. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

We're all different so I understand others might not see it like that but I think the OP needs to at least consider that aspect.

but you can't often do 2 simultanaously.

My idea of a hellish holiday is a week in some tourist beach town in say cyprus/greece. So I would be having a holiday I did not like. And with my entire family, so having to socialise every day/night with them, which can get a bit waring over a week.

Lotus-eater

burnoutbabe wrote: »

but you can't often do 2 simultanaously.

My idea of a hellish holiday is a week in some tourist beach town in say cyprus/greece. So I would be having a holiday I did not like. And with my entire family, so having to socialise every day/night with them, which can get a bit waring over a week.

Mine too, a week in an overcrowded hell hole full of tourists AND my family?

No thankyou.

onlyroz

aliasojo wrote: »

Personally, I wouldn't be in any way upset if an aunt or an uncle of mine put a holiday before my wedding, but I would be upset if a sister or brother thought it was more important to book a holiday rather than attend my wedding. I would feel it signified just how little they cared tbh. It's not as if they couldn't amalgamate the two and do both simultaneously. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

I love my brother but if he had chosen to get married abroad then, unless I was awash with money, I would tell him that I would not be attending. I can afford one overseas holiday a year and, unless it was my own child getting married, I want to be the one to decide where I go and how much I spend.

If people want to get married abroad then fine. But they have absolutely no right to expect people to spend a fortune, and give up their valuable annual leave, to attend.

claire16c

onlyroz wrote: »

To the OP - you should explain to your sister that your circumstances have changed so that you can now afford a holiday, and you looked into the practicalities of now attending her wedding, but this still wouldn't work out when all the factors (cost, annual leave, school term dates) are considered.

That wouldnt make sense though - early July is not school hols and it costs more to go on hol then than in May (Which actually could be next to school hols if its the end of the month).

Lotus-eater

aliasojo wrote: »

Doesn't it have a lot to do with how close the people are though?

Personally, I wouldn't be in any way upset if an aunt or an uncle of mine put a holiday before my wedding, but I would be upset if a sister or brother thought it was more important to book a holiday rather than attend my wedding. I would feel it signified just how little they cared tbh. It's not as if they couldn't amalgamate the two and do both simultaneously. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

We're all different so I understand others might not see it like that but I think the OP needs to at least consider that aspect.

No!!!

You have no right to tell someone else how to spend they're hard earn't, or tell them where to have a holiday.
I would be upset if I was asked to pay alot to go to someone else's wedding, this has been covered often on here before and it's the same old arguments that get dragged out.

So, as you say. Two lots of people seem to think completely differently. One lot I consider to be selfish. I'm in the other one

claire16c

burnoutbabe wrote: »

but you can't often do 2 simultanaously.

My idea of a hellish holiday is a week in some tourist beach town in say cyprus/greece. So I would be having a holiday I did not like. And with my entire family, so having to socialise every day/night with them, which can get a bit waring over a week.

The thing is though, they have both chosen to go to the same place, so cant even use that as an excuse!

joanne0620

claire16c wrote: »

That wouldnt make sense though - early July is not school hols and it costs more to go on hol then than in May (Which actually could be next to school hols if its the end of the month).

Just to clarify, holiday in May involves children being out of school for 10 days and comes in at just over £2.5k.

Holiday in July (beginning Sat 14th) involves no time out of school as our hols start on the 13th and comes in at a cost of £1635, admittedly the May holiday is complete 5 star luxury and the July one is 4 star.

I will post back when my head is clearer and I've mulled things over even more