Opinions....Don't know what to do!

BitterAndTwisted

ellay864 wrote: »

And to the posters who have said the second wedding is much less important, I can't believe how insensitive that is.


Actually, to my knowledge there was only one poster who said that a second wedding is much less important. It was me and I stand by it. Notice the "imo" on my response? That mean I was not speaking for anyone else, and I don't necessarily expect everyone, or anyone to agree with me.




I recently married for the second time and in no way does it mean any less than my first. If anything this one means so much more.


And that's completely and totally wonderful. I'm really very happy for you. Congratulations! But that's how YOU feel about it, as you should or there really wouldn't be any point in going through all of the hassle and expense of remarrying, would there?


I suspect OPs sister doesn't see her second wedding as any less important - to imply it doesn't really count for as much as if it was her first wedding is horrible

I suspect that you are completely correct about how someone sees the significance of having a second go on the roundabout. I wouldn't doubt that for a moment. It would be daft to. However, what someone feels about what they do in their own life does not necessarily mean that it is of the same magnitude to others, even their own flesh and blood.


See what happens when you bring all of your own baggage into a thread and get all indignant and self-righteous when someone else has already done so?

So now I'll inflict you with mine. Two sisters who've both been married, each wedding eye-wateringly expensive, both to arrange and to attend One sister married for a second time with presents, travel, outfits and money for overnight stays required. Also attended. Other sister divorced and possibly (cross fingers) may remarry. I hope she elopes! Me? No marriages, no lovely presents, no fancy outfits paid for by the rents, no stays in expensive luxury hotels of my choosing. And those lovely sisters have five kids between them as well. And breathe.

Cheerio!

Derivative

claire16c wrote: »

You clearly just havent been on a good one

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy travelling and it's very enlightening to see the world from the viewpoint of different cultures, etc.

The thing I don't understand is when people who have £2000 to their name go off and spend £2500 on a holiday to 'get away from it all'.

Is there any bloody wonder?

I'd tell your sister where to shove it personally - if my sister wants me to hire a matching waistcoat for the wedding, she's going to be the one footing the bill, never mind to the tune of thousands.

BitterAndTwisted

EdgEy: for goodness sake stop beating about the bush and just spit it out, willya? Actually, I agree with you. Horrible frocks? Buy them yourself!

Emmzi

you DO know what to do!

You just don't want to do it and are looking for cleverly worded excuses!

Go on your own, for as short a time as possible. Have your birthday holiday on your birthday, in another country.

Then there will be no family feuds!

Cookiee

Hi OP.

I recently posted about something similar (mind you it was no near £2k and is in ireland not Turkey). I can understand what your trying to get your head around and whilst I can sympathise with what your saying, I think it is heading for disaster with your family when you go to Turkey in July.

I dont know why it is going to cost £2k but is it an option for only you to get a flight to turkey, stay with someone who is attending the wedding and come back the next day? It is only a suggestion as you have advised that you are now better off and it would reduce the £2k cost to a lot less expensive. The only problem I could see with this is if the wedding is during the week. Are they getting married on a Friday, Saturday?

As this is a money saving website, maybe some people on the travel board might be able to help with cost of flights etc.

Another suggestion is maybe go on holiday closer to home, i.e. france, spain etc and use the money saved to pay for just you to attend. Whilst it might make your OH and children upset they cant go, your the sister and your sister would be happy to have at least you there. You can always have a special meal / day out with your sister and your family when they come back.

I hope you manage to sort this :-D

joanne0620

Thank you for all your input and different points of view, I really appreciate it, and to be honest I can see where all of you are coming from.

Thanks again.

Lotus-eater

peachyprice wrote: »

No, not at all. I wouldn't spend £1000's going to someone's wedding.

But I just don't understand why anyone would want to rub their sisters nose is it by not going to their wedding, then going to the same country 8-10 weeks later at a more expensive time, it seems unnecessarily spiteful to me when there's a whole world out there to go to.

Have to agree with that one.
I also think that it's someone's prerogative to have their wedding in another country that costs alot of money to go to. Just as it's everyone who is invited, to decide if they want to spend all that money going to that wedding.

BugglyB

Perhaps it would be helpful to know what the £2.5k is actually for?

Personally I would be looking at doing everything I could to go to my sisters wedding, including just me (not family) flying in one day and out the next and staying in a cheaper hotel nearby. I'm sure if you posted the details on the 'I wanna do-it' board they could have you there for next to nothing!

If you decide not to go there are only two real explanations

- you can't afford it
- you can afford it but you dont think its worth the money

I'm afraid if you chose to go on another holiday to turkey within weeks of your sisters wedding she will rightly or wrongly assume its the second option, and I have a feeling no amount of rationalising or explaining will convince her otherwise.

georgiesmum

We are going to a wedding abroad. Not staying at the bride and grooms hotel though, picked a much cheaper one nearby. Sounds as though you don't really want to go but as you are doing a holiday anyway there will be some bad feeling if you do that rather than attend the wedding.
There will be other holidays in the years to come but not (hopefully )another sisters wedding.
I also feel that people do have a nerve to expect others to pay mega bucks to attend their wedding because they want a dream wedding. But that's the way it is today.

claire16c

EdgEy wrote: »

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy travelling and it's very enlightening to see the world from the viewpoint of different cultures, etc.

The thing I don't understand is when people who have £2000 to their name go off and spend £2500 on a holiday to 'get away from it all'.

Oh I see - yes I agree if thats literally the only savings youve got to your name, Id be keeping that in a safe place and THEN saving for a holiday.