Opinions....Don't know what to do!

joanne0620

Long story short, my younger sister is getting married in Turkey in May, 2nd time of getting married and all our immediate family are attending......

Except me, DH & DS.

When she announced she was getting married in August last year I was unemployed (after having been made redundant in March) with no job offers on the table, DH works and was earning just enough to support us on his wage. We did our sums and there was just no way we could have afforded the £400 deposit and then the other £2.1k for the balance. So we explained our situation, faces were pulled and people sulked but that was our decision, we couldn't afford it and that was that.

Fast forward to present day, things are different, I'm in full time employment earning a decent wage and we are comfortable once again. I will be 40 in September and DH is wanting to take the 3 of us away at the beginning of July for a 10 day all inclusive holiday somewhere.

I am dying to go on holiday as we've not been away for a couple of years and we've found a holiday that's in our price range and the hotel looks gorgeous.....

BUT....I just don't know how my sister is going to react to us going away (to Turkey!) when we said we couldn't afford to go to her wedding, we really couldn't afford it at the time they booked it and we have looked in to going to the hotel where she she's getting married but its completely booked up and even if it wasn't it's ridiculously expensive anyway.

I just feel sick about telling her as if I was her I think I would feel like my sister didn't want to go to my wedding and that not being able to afford it was just an excuse.

I love my sister will all my heart and was genuinely upset when we couldn't afford the prices and now I feel terrible about us going on a little family holiday that's a 40th treat for me and well within our budget.

I know that complete honesty is the way to go and I will be completely honest as I have throughout, but I'm a bit of a coward on the quiet and I hate confrontation/letting people down/upsetting people.

Any thoughts? x

moneypuddle

why not just go to you sister wedding this year? Delay your other holiday til next year. Your sister will only (hopefully) marry once so surely seeing her marry would be your priority?

peachyprice

Can you not just stay in another hotel in the same resort at the time of her wedding? I'm sure she'd rather you were there in a different hotel than not there at all.

I have to admit I'd be pee'd off if you booked for the same area but at a different time to the wedding though, that's a bit of a kick in the teeth for your sis. If you really don't want to go when its her wedding at least choose a completley different country.

meritaten

cant you book your holiday at a different hotel, attend the wedding and ask sis nicely if you could pay for the meals at the reception yourself? or even just attend the wedding if poss?
I dont begrudge you your holiday hun - but it could be seen as a slap in the face if you holiday in Turkey at the same time as the wedding. either go elsewhere or go another time if you can.

Sambucus_Nigra

Why don't you book it for the same time as her wedding, in a different place so you can at least go TO the wedding?

ETA: there seem to be a few people thinking along these lines; seems obvious to me!

hostertlady

if you go on your own holiday you will cause a family feud forever..

go to her wedding but stay in a cheaper hotel in her resort.. even if you have to travel on a different day to the rest of them, as long as you are there for her wedding.... you can do the wedding stuff and still have time to do stuff with your hubby and son?

if i was your sister and you went on holiday elsewhere i would be so upset..

unless, of course, you really dont want to go to the wedding?

mum2twinsx2

Personally i would go to the wedding... but as suggested find somewhere close to the hotel in resort that is more you budget. x

MoaningMyrtle

I would consider going to either another hotel for a few days for the wedding. Alternatively just go on my own (try to see if there is a roomshare with someone else or turn up the day before as a surprise?)

I wouldn't sacrifice the wedding for another holiday, I expect your sister (possibly other family members too) will be offended if you did this. You can always take the holiday with OH and DS later on in the year or next year as somone has suggested.

Sambucus_Nigra

hostertlady wrote: »

unless, of course, you really dont want to go to the wedding?

In which case be honest and do not go to Turkey the same year!

balletshoes

peachyprice wrote: »

Can you not just stay in another hotel in the same resort at the time of her wedding? I'm sure she'd rather you were there in a different hotel than not there at all.

I have to admit I'd be pee'd off if you booked for the same area but at a different time to the wedding though, that's a bit of a kick in the teeth for your sis. If you really don't want to go when its her wedding at least choose a completley different country.

I agree with this - usually I'd be saying, about weddings abroad, that unless the bride and groom are paying for their guests to attend, its not up to them to dictate how someone spends their holiday budget.
However, in this case you are going to Turkey (ie where they are getting married!), so in your shoes, I'd be considering different accommodation in the same or a nearby resort to where your sister is having her big day, so I could attend (you do want to be a part of the wedding, don't you?).

BitterAndTwisted

Why tell anyone about your plans ahead of time? If you can't afford to go to Turkey for your sister's (second and much less important imo) wedding then just don't go. For all anyone knows you could have found a last-minute deal for £100 a head or got a bonus from work in June. Tell no-one. Why should you have to explain? You've explained why you can't go to Turkey already so why feel that you have to explain all over again?