Opinions....Don't know what to do!

BitterAndTwisted

If the OP and family really did want to go to the wedding then there are ways and means of being able to go now. Obviously I don't know where it's taking place but it could be possible to stay in the same town/resort but not at the same accommodation. Aren't taxis cheap in Turkey? So it could be possible to either go by cab to and fro or even hire a car if they could stay somewhere else which could be afforded but not close enough. Of course a sensible person would have considered these possibilities already and looked into them if they actually wanted to go in the first place.

I got the impression, possibly completely erroneously, that the OP was reluctant to go and money wasn't the principal reason. Along with travel and accommodation, there are a number of other potentially spendy things that need to be afforded as well. Sun-tan lotion is not one of them.

melb

why do people choose to get married abroad (unless one of them is from that country of course) - why would anyone expect guests to fork out £2000 to attend a wedding? Doesn't make any sense to me

BitterAndTwisted

It doesn't make any sense to me either and I do wish they would stop. Or, at least stop expecting their family and friends to beggar themselves to go if they're not willing or able to pay for everyone themselves.

ellay864

I wouldn't see anything wrong in saying that you have now got funds to get a bargain holiday that happens to be available a couple of months later, that you've looked into going to her wedding but you can't find anything in your budget at that time. Everybody knows that prices can vary hugely at different times and sometimes the odd deal just happens to come up for a certain place at a certain time. I think anyone planning a wedding may invite anybody they want, hope they can come but at the end of the day they can't EXPECT them to attend, especially if it would be a big financial problem for them.
But I can see that from your sister's view it would look a bit off - you would need to explain clearly why this holiday is so affordable when the wedding isn't.
And to the posters who have said the second wedding is much less important, I can't believe how insensitive that it. I recently married for the second time and in no way does it mean any less than my first. If anything this one means so much more - after my first husband walked out on me and my young sons, to have found somebody else to build a life with means more than you could know. I suspect OPs sister doesn't see her second wedding as any less important - to imply it doesn't really count for as much as if it was her first wedding is horrible

Derivative

I hate to seem rude, but are you in any position to be going on a holiday anyway?

Why play 'keep up with the Joneses'? If you couldn't afford a holiday a year ago, how can a vast change have occurred within a year? You must be spending something like 50% of your savings on this holiday, surely?

Save the money, then the next time something like this happens, you'll actually be in a position to go, rather than having to make difficult decisions due to finances.

Holidays are one of the few things in this world that really perplex me. I can't believe otherwise rational people spend such inordinate amounts of money for a bit of sunshine and some naff tourist resort.

burnoutbabe

but they were probably at the first wedding, And spent time and money attending, plus a gift. And now they are expexted to go again.

I'd just go somewhere else (not turkey), later in the year (why not September). Look at what the prices are NOW for the wedding location on those dates, its probably a lot more than it was last year when you couldn't afford it then (and you've now had a while out of work and assume accumulated some debts/loss of savings to make up for).

mishkanorman

We barely spent £2k on our own wedding let alone just going to someone else's !!

I do think though going to turkey for your holiday only 2 months later will seem like a bit of a kick in the teeth, if it were me I would not go to the wedding but change my holiday destination

Lunar_Eclipse

joanne0620 wrote: »

I just don't know how my sister is going to react to us going away (to Turkey!)

If you reverse the situation and it was your wedding, how would you react?

I think you already know how she will react. In this situation, I would consider it extremely selfish behaviour and not something I would seriously consider, no matter how much I wanted to. Ultimately it's up to you what you do, but if you go on this holiday and not to her wedding, that does not suggest that you love her with all your heart.

I'm not honestly sure if you'll manage to avoid the wedding, take the holiday and not cause major family upset. Would it be worth it?

Person_one

fannyanna wrote: »

If you were my sister and went ahead with what you're planning I'd be very upset. Thankfully my sister would never do that to me and I'd never do that to her.

That's a bit guilt trippy.

If having her sister at her wedding was so important she wouldn't have had it in Turkey in the first place!

Saturnalia

If you do want to go to the wedding and it is only the cost that prevents it, seeing as you will have that money a couple of months down the line, could you explain that to your sister and the rest of the family and see if they could maybe club together to lend you the money for those few months?

Win-win. If they can, you can go to the wedding. If they can't or won't, you've shown them you want to go, it's only money stopping you and you're trying to think up ways around the problem.

ETA another idea - if you can't be at the wedding could you & your family arrange a meal, day out etc with sister & husband to celebrate when they get back?