Opinions....Don't know what to do!

aliasojo

burnoutbabe wrote: »

but you can't often do 2 simultanaously.

No, perhaps not. But as balletshoes pointed out, it really doesn't seem as though the possibility has been given a lot of thought to.

Lotus-eater wrote: »

No!!!

You have no right to tell someone else how to spend they're hard earn't, or tell them where to have a holiday.

No one is doing that imo. And I don't think anyone has said the OP should have attended the wedding at whatever cost to her no matter what. I do feel some people are only picking up on one part of the situation rather than the whole.

What some of us are saying is that it's ok to say sorry, can't afford to come to the wedding, but's it's not too nice to say 'sorry, can't afford to come to the wedding but btw we'll holiday there 6 weeks later'.

It just doesn't sit right with me but if that's ok with you then that's fine, we're all different. However the OP asked for our thoughts and that's what I gave, regardless of you or anyone else disagreeing with me.

aliasojo

joanne0620 wrote: »

Just to clarify, holiday in May involves children being out of school for 10 days.......

And that's the reason I would have used to not attend.

I'm a bit surprised you didn't mention this in your OP.

It would have been perfectly valid to say 'sorry, we really can't take the kids off school then' and still go on holiday during the proper school hols but by choosing to say you couldn't afford it, I think you made things more difficult for yourself now that you want to go on holiday.

Unless of course you have previously taken the kids off school for a holiday or your sis knew it was no big deal for you so that excuse wouldn't have carried any weight?

peachyprice

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Yep, you're right, I took too much from my imagination.

I bet I'm right though

Probs from spending too much time with the women on here

Person_one

aliasojo wrote: »

Doesn't it have a lot to do with how close the people are though?

Personally, I wouldn't be in any way upset if an aunt or an uncle of mine put a holiday before my wedding, but I would be upset if a sister or brother thought it was more important to book a holiday rather than attend my wedding. I would feel it signified just how little they cared tbh. It's not as if they couldn't amalgamate the two and do both simultaneously. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

We're all different so I understand others might not see it like that but I think the OP needs to at least consider that aspect.

Does closeness only work one way?

If you care about your sister that much surely you wouldn't make attending your wedding such a huge imposition?

If having your wedding at a posh resort in the sunshine is more important than making it easy on your loved ones to attend, fair enough, but at least admit it and accept the consequences.

Lotus-eater

aliasojo wrote: »

No one is doing that imo. And I don't think anyone has said the OP should have attended the wedding at whatever cost to her no matter what. I do feel some people are only picking up on one part of the situation rather than the whole.

And I wasn't talking about this certain thread when I answered you, as I presumed you were talking in general. Which I think you were.

burnoutbabe

aliasojo wrote: »

What some of us are saying is that it's ok to say sorry, can't afford to come to the wedding, but's it's not too nice to say 'sorry, can't afford to come to the wedding but btw we'll holiday there 6 weeks later'.

.

it does appear that people are allowed to say "sorry, I can't afford it" but what you are NOT allowed to say is "well I could afford it, but thats not how I would want to spend £2k and our 2 weeks holiday"

Its fine if you all go on holiday together alot, but if you dont, why would your Other haf want to spend his 2 weeks with his inlaws?

BitterAndTwisted

£2.5k in term-time versus £1200-odd during the holidays isn't even in the same ball-park. Plus there are two months of salary-payment between them as well. However, I feel that it probably wouldn't make that much difference to the woman having the wedding wherever they go and whenever it may be.

claire16c

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

£2.5k in term-time versus £1200-odd during the holidays isn't even in the same ball-park. Plus there are two months of salary-payment between them as well. However, I feel that it probably wouldn't make that much difference to the woman having the wedding wherever they go and whenever it may be.

Its for different hotels though. Until the OP posts how much it would cost to stay in a reasonably priced hotel - or the one she wants to stay at in July, - but in May, you cant compare those prices. If her hotel is £1200 in July its bound to be even cheaper in May.

peachyprice

I don't know where £1200 has come from, OP said it's £1635 in July.

faerie~spangles

Person_one wrote: »

The thing about weddings abroad is that it isn't really a holiday for the guests in most cases. You don't get to choose the date, or the destination, you have commitments to keep and you have to spend the time with people you might not want to be on holiday with!

I see no contradiction between not wanting to shell out for a wedding abroad but still wanting to go on holiday the same year.

I so agree.

Here's how it works: You want me to attend your wedding abroad - you pay my expenses.

You cannot pay those costs - deal with it. It is not my problem.