son and condoms

onlyroz

Wow, things have changed a bit since the '90s. My parents never even discussed sex with us, let alone buy us condoms...

msb5262

Hi OP,


I thought about this a lot as I've got two sons and a daughter so can see the whole issue from both sides...


Person One's advice not to have sex with anyone who can't buy their own condoms is all well and good...but if you've read "A Kind of Loving" by Stan Barstow, you'll know that it's not just very young lads who feel like that.

I agree that in an ideal world, anyone having sex would take the responsibility for using protection but we so don't live in an ideal world.


When my DS1 was 15, I bought a big box of condoms. I put it in the bathroom, then showed him where they were and said they were for him, whenever.

We're on about box number 3 now and I don't know when/where/who/or even whether?? they have been used, but they disappear every now and again.


I know young men can buy them but a) they're quite expensive and b) there's still the embarassment factor. Also I can't see my son buying them in our village as everyone knows everyone here, so logistics of getting to the shop come in too.


I know they can be obtained free from the GP surgery or from the clinic, but again, a) embarassment b) logistics again...no transport to GP surgery unless I take him...and my friend works there as a receptionist!


I know also that young people will readily think, "I'm not going to have sex," - and then change their minds at the vital moment.


So on balance I decided I'd rather be an embarassing mum, get the condoms in and say so clearly than have to deal with STIs/unwanted pregnancy.

I think once young people are used to having sex and using condoms, they'll find it relatively easy to buy their own but buying them before they've started having sex is a bit unlikely.

I don't want my children to have sex before they're emotionally ready but my instinct says that I can't control that, so I will provide what I can to make the whole issue less risky.


MsB

Old_Joe

I haven't read all the postings in this thread BUT on a lighter note . . . .

I gave my grandson one as a Christmas stocking filler when he was fourteen which gave all the family a laugh.
At the time he was into SAS survival techniques so I was able to explain that I'd read that as an emergency, a condom could be used as a water carrier that could hold one litre.

bluenoseam

I'd be mortified if half these mothers were mine, i wouldn't have any problems at any age walking into a chemist & buying condoms, it's something that every self respecting man has to learn to do at some point in their lives, it's part of growing up, having the bottle to march in there & buy them! These days though it's much simpler, you can buy in bulk from the web, no embarassment & since a lot of teenagers these days will have debit cards it's relatively easy, painless & cheap. What is shameful though is the notion that i couldn't be trusted to be sensible or that my MUM basically held my hand so to speak in preparation for getting down to business, sorry to say it but that's overstepping a boundary in my book - nothing wrong with discussions on the subject (although i'm more of the school of thought it should be somewhat like an interrogation - high powered torch in the face "YOU WILL USE A CONDOM IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SEX!") but actually buying them, that's just mollycoddling them.

So please, remember that while i will always be my Mum's wee boy, if i'm playing big boy games that's where she butts out and stays out! I'm pretty sure you all remember what it was like when you first started having sex the fact that you'd be mortified if your mother found out.

daska

bluenoseam wrote: »

I'd be mortified if half these mothers were mine, i wouldn't have any problems at any age walking into a chemist & buying condoms, it's something that every self respecting man has to learn to do at some point in their lives, it's part of growing up, having the bottle to march in there & buy them! These days though it's much simpler, you can buy in bulk from the web, no embarassment & since a lot of teenagers these days will have debit cards it's relatively easy, painless & cheap. What is shameful though is the notion that i couldn't be trusted to be sensible or that my MUM basically held my hand so to speak in preparation for getting down to business, sorry to say it but that's overstepping a boundary in my book - nothing wrong with discussions on the subject (although i'm more of the school of thought it should be somewhat like an interrogation - high powered torch in the face "YOU WILL USE A CONDOM IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SEX!") but actually buying them, that's just mollycoddling them.

So please, remember that while i will always be my Mum's wee boy, if i'm playing big boy games that's where she butts out and stays out! I'm pretty sure you all remember what it was like when you first started having sex the fact that you'd be mortified if your mother found out.

Dunno about the experiences of other mums on here but speaking for myself I've been married twice and there have been a couple of other relationships along the way and my experience is that most men think they don't need to bother. Maybe it's an age thing but I was in my late teens when all the AIDS ads were on the telly to scare us silly and so were these men. Maybe the ability of teenagers to be sensible has changed in the last few decades? But, while I'm really, genuinely pleased that you are so responsible and I sincerely hope that in the 6 years since I remarried every other man on the planet has learned to be like you... I just don't feel it appropriate to leave it to chance. I will do whatever I can for my children to ensure their emotional, physical and financial health is in as good a state as I can possibly keep it, that's my job as a parent.

Owain_Moneysaver

daska wrote: »

Actually I'm planning to casually pick some up and put them in the basket while we're shopping, then send him to pay :rotfl:

will you let him use the self-scan checkout?

bestpud

I think I'd buy some and have a chat that would include a discussion on how he plans to get the next lot.

He may well be less embarrassed than you think about buying them, but if not, better to be safe than sorry.

lostinrates

bluenoseam wrote: »

I'd be mortified if half these mothers were mine, i wouldn't have any problems at any age walking into a chemist & buying condoms, it's something that every self respecting man has to learn to do at some point in their lives, it's part of growing up, having the bottle to march in there & buy them! These days though it's much simpler, you can buy in bulk from the web, no embarassment & since a lot of teenagers these days will have debit cards it's relatively easy, painless & cheap. What is shameful though is the notion that i couldn't be trusted to be sensible or that my MUM basically held my hand so to speak in preparation for getting down to business, sorry to say it but that's overstepping a boundary in my book - nothing wrong with discussions on the subject (although i'm more of the school of thought it should be somewhat like an interrogation - high powered torch in the face "YOU WILL USE A CONDOM IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SEX!") but actually buying them, that's just mollycoddling them.

So please, remember that while i will always be my Mum's wee boy, if i'm playing big boy games that's where she butts out and stays out! I'm pretty sure you all remember what it was like when you first started having sex the fact that you'd be mortified if your mother found out.

You mother did something fit in that you would never feel embarrassed to buy condoms. Many young men are less well prepared, although that should me a parents aim. IMO, de mystifying them can lead to that end. Fwiw, I think also think it doesn't hurt to remind kids they don't have to have sex and that there is an age of consent for reasons isn't a bad idea either. But being prepared after that date, or, should things not wait, is a good ideaimo.


Fwiw, to the poster who asked if the duties of mother hood never end, I'd say having a healthy attitude to sex and safety in young adult hood ...buying condoms, having sex, refraining from having sex, are part of that.

AllyS

My dd is only 13 but we have already chatted about this. She said that she would be too embarrassed to buy condoms if she needed them (just like to say I explained that she shouldn't be having sex until she is in a loving long term relationship and in love with her boyfriend) what if the guy she is having sex with feels the same way? I told her that if she ever needs condoms to come and ask me and I will buy some. I would rather that then she end up pregnant or worse a life threatening Std! Sometimes sexual readiness and confidence with contraception doesn't happen at the same time.

From a mother to a daughter perspective I want you all to buy ur sons condoms and ask them to practice with them, that is what I will do with my son its not Molly coddling I think it is another part of their education we are ultimately responsible for.

I would just like to point out my dd is nowhere near sexually active, she still thinks its disgusting, just I know a few of her friends are.

barbiedoll

When I worked in a high street pharmacy, a young lad came in one day and spent 10 minutes skulking around nervously. Eventually, he came to the counter and asked us where the condoms were. My colleague and I told him not to be embarassed, and that women love a man who is responsible enough to take care of contraception. You could see his chest puff out when we called him "a man" and he quite happily browsed the selection and made his choice. We told him that his girlfriend is a lucky girl, having a boyfriend who cares enough about her sexual health to brave the scary, middle-aged, female pharmacy assistants!

I would encourage my son to buy his own and we have had a look at condoms already ("Ewww, why are they so slimy?" :rotfl:)
I would buy them for him if I knew he was too embarassed but I hope that I can give him the confidence to get his own, when the time comes. I do remember though, cringing with embarassment when I had to buy "feminine" products, I'm sure that it's the same for boys and if it means that I have to get them rather than him not using them, then I will!