feel like all my dreams have been snatched :-(

CH27

The whole thing sounds like a disaster.
I think your children have been through enough upheaval in the last couple of years.
Changing schools & making new friends can be very hard without having mum being wonderfully happy with her new bf.
Your partner has prioritised his child & their contact but you are willing to uproot yours & take them away from their dad.

Who is putting your children first?

cazziebo

I moved school a 14 after third year (Scotland) and moved from a town to a very remote Scottish island (had to board at school during the week). It was a huge change and a difficult move, and academically challenging because although the curriculum is the same, the timetables aren't and it was difficult to accommodate my options. I was a bit of a swot anyway so got through it. My non academic sister, only a year younger, didn't manage so well. Might be worth talking to the school. I moved myself when my daughters were 12 and 9, and both new schools had the girls for a day which was wonderful in convincing them both it was a good move.

Two thoughts:
Barring anything life threatening or limiting such as major illness or injury, no way would my children, no matter what age 4, 14 or 40, dictate my life choices.

No matter how much I loved someone, I would not take my children so far away from their father, unless there was an amicable and agreed plan to continue contact.

(When each of my two were early teenage, they had no appetite to visit their dad. Didn't mean they didn't love him or value the relationship, they were just being teenagers who would rather hang out with mates than a 40 something unhip, unhappening guy!)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do

Padstow

kittykat100 wrote: »

Just a thought but how would their Dad feel about you taking his kids 300 miles away from him? and how would the kids feel about moving so far away from their Dad?

Kittyx

It's Lurrve, don't you know Kitty, all else transcends.

claire16c

pyjamadays wrote: »

i didn't mean moving him away from girls he knows in that sense, i mean that my 14yr old is already forming her own friendships and relationships, in a couple of years he'll be at that stage too. i don't think from here and onwards there's ever going to be a right time.
the only reason im not sure if my relatonships can last is due to the fact it cost us nearly £200 each time we visit each other, more if the children come too. long distance relationships are hard, to be constantly missing someone, i do have my own life and try to get on the best i can. the last couple of years have been very hard,focusing on moving away is what gets me through each day. it may sound pathetic to pine for somene that much but i can't help the way i am!!

I used to have a long distance relationship as my DH used to be in the forces before we were married. After going out for 6 weeks, he moved an hour and a half away. Then about 4 months later he moved to Germany. Was there for a couple of years - and we ran up hundreds of pounds on phone calls (no skype back then!) , and flights. Then he moved back, my parents let him move in we lived there for a year, but then I moved up to Manchester 4 hours away to go back to uni for final year.

So I think by the time we moved in together wed been 'apart' for around 5. But I knew he was the one, and that one day wed hopefully get married so it was worth it. And not worth chucking it away.

And we had no kids or anything like that to worry about!

My friend went out with DH best mate at the time, and had a similar long distance thing for a similar amount of time, theyre now happily married. Had to wait for years til they could be together because of uni and his work.

My sister fell in love with someone in Canada. Had to be long distance for 4 years until she finished uni and worked for a while and sorted visas out.

You can make it work if you really want to.

And the other posters have brought up a really important point - have you thought about the fact you want to move the kids away from their Dad, let alone everything else?

Padstow

[QUOTE=CH27;49975819
I think your children have been through enough upheaval in the last couple of years.
Changing schools & making new friends can be very hard without having mum being wonderfully happy with her new bf.
Your partner has prioritised his child & their contact but you are willing to uproot yours & take them away from their dad.

Who is putting your children first?[/QUOTE]The reason it's a disaster, if it is, is that there are no morals involved whatsover. Maternal instinct yes, but no morality. Can you not see it OP?

The fourteen year old daughter has a boyfriend. Wrong. So wrong.
Sixteen year old yes, fourteen, NO!

Mother of two kids takes up with an adulterer, not only an adulterer, but one with a new born baby. WRONG.

Mother of the above, wishes to remove her two children from all they know and shift them to the new StepDad. WRONG.

*max*

Padstow wrote: »

The reason it's a disaster, if it is, is that there are no morals involved whatsover. Maternal instinct yes, but no morality. Can you not see it OP?

The fourteen year old daughter has a boyfriend. Wrong. So wrong.
Sixteen year old yes, fourteen, NO!

Mother of two kids takes up with an adulterer, not only an adulterer, but one with a new born baby. WRONG.

Mother of the above, wishes to remove her two children from all they know and shift them to the new StepDad. WRONG.

Where on earth did you get the adultery thing from??? If this is based on nothing, then your judgemental attitude is out of order.

Also, why is it "so wrong" for a 14 year old to have a boyfriend?? It doesn't mean they are sexually active. Nothing wrong with it!

pyjamadays

some of you are totally assuming things and should tar the same man with every brush!!!his son is nearly 3, the reason they split up is because SHE had been cheating on him!! he's not even 100% sure the son is his due to that but does not want a DNA test to find out as he couldn't bare it if he wasn't, but that's another story. She now lives with the new guy and a new baby! so no he is not an adulterer of any kind!!!

tinktinktinkerbell

that still doesnt make it right that you drag your kids away from their dad

Gillyx

One thing, he really needs to get the DNA done, it will fester in his mind for years and years to come. I'm not sure if I'd want to be part of that situation at all, especially with 2 kids of my own to think about.

Does he have sole custody of a child he's not even sure is his?

pyjamadays

the beginning of that didnt make sense! dont tar every man with the same brush it what I meant! being gobsmacked at your assumptions mucked up my phrasing!!