feel like all my dreams have been snatched :-(

pyjamadays

one thing i have learned from using this is that it's a good way of getting out what im thinking without it building up and saying it to her. obviously a lot of the things i have written here have not been said to her by me but thought.

some of this has been helpful but some people are very quick to jump to conclusions which is easy enough done when all you know is what's written here. at the end of the day though im the one walking in my shoes, along side my daughter, yes she is a teenager and we're both learining as we go, sometimes it's right and sometimes its not but cant get it right all the time.

im not coming back to reply to any of this as it's getting a bit out of hand now with people pulling out certain bits and picking at things without knowing the full story, but that's mainly because it's so long.

bye

missbishi

poppy10 wrote: »

Also classic signs of being a teenager. The DD is not the only 14 year old who won't go to bed on time and gets up late in the mornings. Hate the way people try to pathologize normal child development.

I hate the way people trivialise mental illness.

one_hot_minute

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I didn't notice any mention of where the father's family live but it certainly isn't true to say that the children will be taken "far away from family" which was mentioned earlier.

Mother and father are the two most important family members. OP's daughter currently has a relationship with two. if the OP chooses to move, her daughter will be split up from one of them. On what planet is it not true to say she'll be far away from her family? She'll be far away from 50% of her biological parents!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

poppy10 wrote: »

Not really. Antidepressants are overprescribed to a massive degree, particularly in children and adolescents in whom there is little to no evidence that they are of any benefit at all.

Thanks, doctor. So children and adolescents cannot suffer from major depressive disorders? You must let the parents of the 15 - 20 children that have done so (to the extent of committing suicide) each year for the last 20 odd years know their children weren't depressed.

This child has met the diagnostic criteria for severe depression to be prescribed Prozac. So whether you think they should have been prescribed it or not, she has met the criteria.



According to Re:think, about 10% of children have a mental illness of some kind. 1 in 20 teenagers (so a much smaller group in terms of age range) have depression.


What are the common factors for a lot of people with depression?

Bereavement, divorce, relationship breakdown.
Personality traits
Family characteristics. Say, a parent who focuses on the bad rather than the good or doesn't accept responsibility for their situation.
Social Isolation. Being separated from family and friends.
Hormones. Lots of those flying round a 14 year old's body.
Adverse family factors and childhood experiences. Can lead to negative thought patterns and low self esteem.


Going over to the MIND site, their section on how to cope as a carer includes how they can help by making the person feel valued and reassured. Contrast the advice they give on Listening;

People who are feeling bad often have a need to talk to someone about what they are experiencing. All too often, others find it hard to listen. Instead, they interrupt to talk about themselves or to tell the person what they should do or how they should feel.

If you can listen well, the person may be able to talk in a way that could help them feel better. They may express emotions in a physical way: by crying, or getting flustered and agitated, or even by laughing.

Releasing feelings in this way may help them to be more relaxed and to think more clearly. You may need to offer reassurance and encouragement ("I want to hear about it", "It's good that you're crying"). Asking the right questions can help people to reach the most important things ("What's really bothering you?", "Why do you think you are feeling like this?").

Listening well does not always mean keeping quiet, but it does mean thinking about how you can help the other person to open up and talk. It's not easy to listen well, but it's always worth making the effort. It can make a significant difference to someone you want to help. It could be that the person you want to help may feel too depressed, scared or untrusting to talk. You can still let them know that they are welcome to talk to you, if and when they want to.

to the OP's recounting of their 'conversations', where everything the daughter expresses is dismissed as attitude.




Nothing there suggests that the solution to dealing with a depressed teenager is to take them away from their friends to live with a stranger as their new father, make it impossible for them to see their real one, refuse to take them on holiday and threaten them with abandonment if they don't agree their mother's interests are the only ones that count and their own fears and needs are only the unreasonable demands of a child and should be dismissed out of hand.



I don't think this is going to end well for the OP or, more specifically, the daughter. She's going to be blamed for ruining the OP's life, for taking the OP's 'only chance of happiness', for wanting to stay near her friends and family.

A 14 year old is not the same creature as an 11 year old. Of course her opinions and thoughts are changing - and she probably thought the OP wasn't serious about moving away, or the reality of having someone replace her father, not having any friends, losing everything again, is just hitting home.


I can't see how the OP fulfilling her own hopes and dreams is going to help the young woman's health one bit.

coolcait

newcook wrote: »

Im trying my hardest here to see who is the stroppy teenager!

I agree with your whole post - but that bit stood out for me.

The OP's behaviour does highlight the irony of all the posts which have said "you're the adult". Really? Not on the evidence she has provided.

I would probably care a lot more about the situation if I believed in it.

However, as I read it, it's just another thread where the original post has been superficially plausible. But, after that - especially when when other people haven't reacted to the carefully seeded contradictions and clear instances of 'pot/kettle/black' - the poster has become more and more outrageous.

The daughter has depression, has self-harmed, had a hell of a time settling in her new school, the OP is planning to 'punish' her daughter in a childish way. The OP thinks her dreams are being snatched by the fact that her daughter wants to stay near the male she thinks is the love of her life - thus preventing the OP from moving the whole family away so that she can stay near the male she thinks is the love of her life.

It all comes across as a classic - and well-executed - troll thread.

On the off-chance that it is entirely genuine, maybe the OP should consider that her behaviour - as told by her - makes her sound like a troll. Then wonder how that same behaviour comes across to her daughter...

missbishi

pyjamadays wrote: »

she came out with a prescription which i wasn't overly happy with because i think at her age it's better to find the problem and fix it rather than hide it with pills, but as he was the dr i trusted his judgement. turns out as wasn't the only one querying this as there ended up being an investigation into why she had been given them so quickly.

Well if she's still being prescribed ADs after an investigation, this indicates that she has a clinical need for them. Like other posters have already pointed out, children and adolescents can and do suffer with mental health issues. This is why NHS trusts have CAMH (might be a different abbreviation in other parts of the country - not sure) departments.