feel like all my dreams have been snatched :-(

poppy10_2

Padstow wrote: »

The fourteen year old daughter has a boyfriend. Wrong. So wrong.
Sixteen year old yes, fourteen, NO!

True. Seems like the mum here is setting a very bad example, regardless of where they move.

pyjamadays

boyfriend-she meets him in town along with her other friends, sometimes just the 2 of them. he comes here for tea, she has been there for tea. I see no harm in that.

Lotus-eater

pyjamadays wrote: »

boyfriend-she meets him in town along with her other friends, sometimes just the 2 of them. he comes here for tea, she has been there for tea. I see no harm in that.

Of course there is nothing wrong with that. Anyone who thinks a 14 yo shouldn't have a BF isn't living in the real world.

CH27

pyjamadays wrote: »

boyfriend-she meets him in town along with her other friends, sometimes just the 2 of them. he comes here for tea, she has been there for tea. I see no harm in that.

Neither do I.

Has this thread helped you at all?

pyjamadays

It has a bit. I do think i need to wait for her exams to be done before moving, but then my son will be starting secondary school in a new school where he knows no one and hasnt had the 2 day introduction. If we moved this year the she could still do the whole of 4th year, do her exams, my son will start p7 and meet friends to start secondary school with.
I've said to my bf that I feel like I'm having to make all the moves and my kids have to make the changes but he says if he has full custody of his son he wouldnt think twice about moving here and I do believe him. I wish it was more black and White :-(

pyjamadays

he is prepared to take me with my 2 kids and provide for them, and I know he loves me in a way no one else ever has, I feel the same too. this might never happen again!! I don't want to choose between him and my kids, but at the same time once they've grown up I'm still me. happiness doesn't come along to often or certainatly hasn't in my life so I kinda think that once it's there grab it and make the best of it. I understand how my daughter feels as I would be giving up a lot too, and it is really scary. But I still think that what we could have there long term outweighs what we have here regardless of my partner. it's just deciding how and when to do it that's the problem.
I could stay here forever and make a life for myself, I do work and have friends, but in all honesty all I seem to do is work and spend the rest of the time running after my 2 children! I don't mind that tho, it keeps them happy. I hardly ever go out with my friends as my 2 never want to go to there dads so it's not worth the hassle. but I do need my own life and I don't see it always being here. it would be easier there as obviously I'd have my bf and my family to help out, and if I lived with him then it would be better financially. I do wish I'd gone 6 months ago when I had the chance but my head wasn't in the right place.

pinkclouds

pyjamadays wrote: »

It has a bit. I do think i need to wait for her exams to be done before moving, but then my son will be starting secondary school in a new school where he knows no one and hasnt had the 2 day introduction. If we moved this year the she could still do the whole of 4th year, do her exams, my son will start p7 and meet friends to start secondary school with.
I've said to my bf that I feel like I'm having to make all the moves and my kids have to make the changes but he says if he has full custody of his son he wouldnt think twice about moving here and I do believe him. I wish it was more black and White :-(

It would be better to move after 4th year, when the exams are over. As I said, she could end up playing catch up on entirely different set texts and the new school might have a slightly different curriculum on offer and she might not be able to continue with all the same subjects (either because they don't do them or can't fit them into her timetable). As for your son, remember the catchment area can be quite large. My first secondary school drew kids from 4 primary schools and there was no guarantee you'd end up in a class with your existing friends. There might be no benefit in knowing other kids from a particular primary school before starting secondary school.

Little in life is black and white. Your boyfriend would have a much easier time moving his child because of the age - schooling isn't exactly critical at 2 years old. If this is a "forever" relationship then a few years is a small percentage of the time you might actually spend together... The only easy thing about being a parent is loving your kids. x

pinkclouds

pyjamadays wrote: »

I know he loves me in a way no one else ever has

If he truly loves you that much then he'll wait for you, however long it takes.

pyjamadays

the place we would be moving to has the primary & secondary school in the same town so he was in p7 there he would definatly be in the catchment area and would know some people first.
things might change in the next few months with what the kids want to do. at the moment I feel like I'm being very selfish which makes me feel guilty. life eh!!

pyjamadays

help again!! after a lot of thinking I decided to put off the move until after her exams, then she could start 5th yr and my son 1st yr together in the same school. if she still doesn't want to come at that time she can stay with her dad. as I won't be moving this year then il go visit my family & bf more often and for a week or 2 whilst they stay with there dad (unless during school holidays then I'd take them too). now I think this is a fair compromise to suit everyone yet she is still not happy with it! she says she will still not move then ( I know she might change her mind by then) and isn't happy about staying with her dad whilst I go away!!! what now?!