feel like all my dreams have been snatched :-(

balletshoes

you leave it for now, you've compromised, now let her come to terms with the new proposals in her own time.

FBaby

I think you've made the right decision. If anything, your daughter will feel loved and respected as she will know that the only reason you are holding things for is her.

Just to say that I moved to our new town last January and had the choice between the kids starting at a new school which would have mean my DD having 6 months to make friends with whom she could have moved to secondary school with, or finish where she was and be the new kid in her new school. She and her 8 year old brother chose to finish the year (and primary school) where they were (a nightmare for me having to drive 1/2 away to then come back and drive the other way to work, but I did it for them). DD started secondary school in September and knew no one at all with all the kids having comed from one main primary school and all pretty much knowing each other, but she had no trouble adjusting and made new friends right away. She is very happy there and finishing her year at her old school was the right decision (she got the pupil of the year award too which made all that travel worth it!).

Lotus-eater

Have you pointed out that if she's not happy staying at her Dads while you go away, how can she be happy staying with him full time?

CH27

pyjamadays wrote: »

help again!! after a lot of thinking I decided to put off the move until after her exams, then she could start 5th yr and my son 1st yr together in the same school. if she still doesn't want to come at that time she can stay with her dad. as I won't be moving this year then il go visit my family & bf more often and for a week or 2 whilst they stay with there dad (unless during school holidays then I'd take them too). now I think this is a fair compromise to suit everyone yet she is still not happy with it! she says she will still not move then ( I know she might change her mind by then) and isn't happy about staying with her dad whilst I go away!!! what now?!

Well now she has to compromise with you.
You have put her education & her happiness first & now she needs to consider your needs.

donquine

pyjamadays wrote: »

If we moved this year the she could still do the whole of 4th year, do her exams, my son will start p7 and meet friends to start secondary school with.

In Scotland, 3rd year is the foundation for the exams taken in 4th year. It is so important to try to do both years at the same school if possible.

Moving will not be pleasant for either child, but your DD's 4th year is more important than your DS's primary 7.

Incidentally, how does your DS feel about moving? Is he more receptive to the idea?

pyjamadays

he was happy enough with it until he caught on to the fuss she was kicking off about it.
im sure she'll come around to a bit of give and take soon. i did point out that if she doesnt want to stay with her dad wile im away how will it work full time? she seems to want her own way and for me to be here running her around and funding her social life, generally acting like a bit if a spoilt brat! that seems like a terrible thing to say sbout my own child!!

ab7

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

your a very angry bitter individual.

you owe the op an apology. the only person without any morals here is you.

:eek: There may be a human in there somewhere - first time I've seen evidence:p :rotfl:

poppy10 wrote: »

True. Seems like the mum here is setting a very bad example, regardless of where they move.

Guiness dont do old timers, but if they did....

pyjamadays wrote: »

he was happy enough with it until he caught on to the fuss she was kicking off about it.
im sure she'll come around to a bit of give and take soon. i did point out that if she doesnt want to stay with her dad wile im away how will it work full time? she seems to want her own way and for me to be here running her around and funding her social life, generally acting like a bit if a spoilt brat! that seems like a terrible thing to say sbout my own child!!

She's 14. Its what they do - push, take, push take. You'll get her back properly in about 6 - 8 years You given her a compromise and she's pushing to see how far she can take it. I was going to suggest that you spend the holidays at your partners as much as poss this year. You never know the grass always looks greener at the side, and you will hopefully learn more of the possible family dynamics.
I had to move when my son was beginning 4th year - he hated me for it. He was popular at his old school and regular commuting and staying with his older friends did not help his hatred for the new school or me. On a separate note and food for thought, the curriculum for his school was slighly different and it meant certain subjects were basically stuffed e.g. they didnt do tech drawing but woodwork, where they were in Maths and English was different and he had already done some of the work but not of the others so he did struggle. On a happier note, he now 21, done a HNC in IT and has apologised and knows I got us out of a bad situation and a place and has his best mate (who he didnt get on with when he started the new school) who puts up with him and his long hair! :rotfl:

Darlyd

pyjamadays wrote: »

he was happy enough with it until he caught on to the fuss she was kicking off about it.
im sure she'll come around to a bit of give and take soon. i did point out that if she doesnt want to stay with her dad wile im away how will it work full time? she seems to want her own way and for me to be here running her around and funding her social life, generally acting like a bit if a spoilt brat! that seems like a terrible thing to say sbout my own child!!

Not terrible thing at all, I felt the same. My story..

DD1 was 10, I wanted to move over 300 miles away, she didn't, I was seeing my now DH for 6 years long distant and we had a child together, I kept putting it off because of her, In the end I did it and she stayed with my parents, 9 mnths later she decided she wanted to move here. :T

Follow your heart.... Your DD just wants to win the battle, and will try anything.... And if her friends were any friends, they would not of said what they did to her about them forgetting her.

Good luck

one_hot_minute

I'll probably get flamed for this, but I'd never put a new relationship over my kids being settled. Your new partners ex doesn't want her kids moving for a very sensible reason and I personally think you should adopt the same mindset. I can't understand you leaving her with her dad and I also can't understand you upping her 300 miles from where her father and life is. It's an alien concept to me, sorry.

I also think everyone saying, you're the adult, do what you want are being very unfair.

cazziebo

I think you've made the right decision.

the other thing to bear in mind is that Scottish schools change years after the exams, so usually about the last week in May. So for the last month of term the kids study the syllabus for the next year (if that makes sense). You might want to consider making the move then. This would introduce your son to some kids he'd be going to high school with, and your daughter would be sure to choose Highers (whatever they study now) that fit in with the new timetable. The last thing you would need with a difficult teenager is for her to be forced to take or drop subjects because the classes were full.

It won't be easy. My two did well out of moving areas, made lots of friends, did well at school etc etc. Everytime something went wrong, e.g. fall out with a pal, difficult exam, it would be because we moved! :rotfl: Parents never get it right...