feel like all my dreams have been snatched :-(

pinkclouds

cazziebo wrote: »

the other thing to bear in mind is that Scottish schools change years after the exams, so usually about the last week in May. So for the last month of term the kids study the syllabus for the next year (if that makes sense). You might want to consider making the move then.

That's true for some schools but not all of them, and only applies to the girl as an older pupil. My first secondary school did that but my second one did not. I think it would be okay to move during the summer hols and start the new term in August, regardless of when the school starts their year. All she'd miss is a few weeks at most, probably not more than 2-3 and not even "proper" studying, when you take into account all the study leave and suspended timetable/activity week/insert-name-here.

The new 1st year intake does *not* start before the holidays so the boy won't miss anything.

cazziebo

pinkclouds wrote: »

The new 1st year intake does *not* start before the holidays so the boy won't miss anything.

You're right, but the OP was wanting him to meet other kids who would be going up to secondary with him

missbishi

Gillyx wrote: »

I'm not saying it's a bad idea to go, but don't underestimate how hard it is to be the new girl, and that sometimes you don't just fit right in.

I think Gillyx's post applies tenfold where teenage girls are concerned.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

pyjamadays wrote: »

possibly the final piece of advice...possibly not lol! considering she has been taking the !!!! and called me a !!!!! before shouting she was going to live with her dad for 2 weeks...should i make her stick to this?! i have a feeling that after we come back from our pre planned and already paid for expensive trip away that i have a good mind not to take her on now, that she will have changed her mind and want back home. but right now i'm thinking that as a lesson to her that she will be staying with her dad the 2 weeks, then maybe she'll see that she can't use it as a punishment against me?!
i forgot to add above that there was 1 occasion recently she missed the school bus, i ahd told her a few days before that if she misses it again then she will have to get the next regular bus and be late. she knew and agreed to this, yet she phoned her dad asking him to come the 20 miles to run her saying i wouldn't do it (i didn't know this until later on)!!!! he then phoned me annoyed saying i was being to hard on her and that it was due to her depression that she can't sleep and get up ect....now forgive me if im wrong but she has been on anti depressants for 4-6 months now, i see a huge change for the better in her moods (you wouldn't think it after reading this but compared to before!) i think it's important she stand on her own 2 feet in getting the bus like others manage and that he is being to soft and that is an excuse!

She's a child with a diagnosed mental illness, and your PUNISHMENT is to send her away to her fathers?

newcook

Im trying my hardest here to see who is the stroppy teenager!

You are emotionally blackmailing her by saying that if she doesn’t move then you cant move and your relationship will be over and you will be stuck living in a place you hate and a job you hate and its all because she wont move.

She is saying a similar thing that she cant move as her relationship (both with bf and friends) will be over, she will have to make new friends in a new school 300 miles from where she is happy and settled.

I see from one of your posts that DD is also on anti-depressants – surely this is not helping matters?!

The only way I can see you all being happy is you moving and letting DD live with dad – if it doesn’t work out for her there then she can decide to come and live with you.


As for the boyfriend thing not lasting, one of my best friends has been with her now husband since she was 13 – she is now 31!

missbishi

it was due to her depression that she can't sleep and get up ect
This is par for the course with depression. ANY leaflet/book/factsheet on the subject will tell you these are classic signs of depression. Have you read any? Also, I apologise if you think I'm being a grammar Nazi, but the abbreviation for etcetera is actually etc. I am only pointing this out as ect means something quite different and is potentially confusing when talking about depression....

....now forgive me if im wrong but she has been on anti depressants for 4-6 months now
Did you take a look at the information sheet inside her packet of tablets? I'm willing to bet a fiver that it states that sleep disturbances are one of the major side effects of the tablets she is on. Do you realise exactly how depressed a child has to be before ADs are prescribed?

he is being to soft and that is an excuse!
No, he just has more insight into his daughters illness. When you have a child(ren), you become a mother/father first and any other roles (employee, lover, friend etc) come second.

I KNOW I will get flamed for this but someone has to say it - if you think a 14 year old on ADs with sleep problems deserves to be punished then her prognosis is not good. I urge you to gain more understanding of her illness (because that's what depression is) as this may go a long way towards repairing relations.

poppy10_2

missbishi wrote: »

it was due to her depression that she can't sleep and get up ect
This is par for the course with depression. ANY leaflet/book/factsheet on the subject will tell you these are classic signs of depression.

Also classic signs of being a teenager. The DD is not the only 14 year old who won't go to bed on time and gets up late in the mornings. Hate the way people try to pathologize normal child development.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

poppy10 wrote: »

Also classic signs of being a teenager. The DD is not the only 14 year old who won't go to bed on time and gets up late in the mornings. Hate the way people try to pathologize normal child development.

I think the being prescribed antidepressants demonstrates that there is considerable pathology going on.

Has anyone considered speaking to CAMHS?

poppy10_2

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I think the being prescribed antidepressants demonstrates that there is considerable pathology going on.

Has anyone considered speaking to CAMHS?

Not really. Antidepressants are overprescribed to a massive degree, particularly in children and adolescents in whom there is little to no evidence that they are of any benefit at all.

pyjamadays

i have not said that i would be sending her to her dads as a punishment!! it was her choice, to go and i didn't stop her. she said she was going to stay with him for 2 weeks. what i meant by that was that i wanted to make her stay there the 2 weeks so can she see for herself how it would be and also that she can't play us off each other. by this i mean that when things aren't going her way that she kicks off and goes to live with her dad, then when she doesn't get her own way there she'll come back here.

of course i realise how depressed a child is before being given antidepressants, i have been living with her and took her to the dr and got her appointments with the child physciatrist...so yes i know!!! but also it was not a case of her being so depressed as to be desperatly needing them...she asked specifically to go in to the dr alone, i respected this as i didn't think she would tell him the truth when i was there. she came out with a prescription which i wasn't overly happy with because i think at her age it's better to find the problem and fix it rather than hide it with pills, but as he was the dr i trusted his judgement. turns out as wasn't the only one querying this as there ended up being an investigation into why she had been given them so quickly.