feel like all my dreams have been snatched :-(

SailorSam

I don't think you're being selfish Op, your new relationship isn't a 5minute wonder it's been a couple of years. I think you should go, with or without the kids, they could come to visit you weekends and holidays, but how long would it be before they realised that life without you isn't all that rosie and decided to move for good.
If you don't go, think forward 10 or 15yrs when the kids may have left home and you're there alone 'cos your long distance love was under to much pressure

balletshoes

SailorSam wrote: »

I don't think you're being selfish Op, your new relationship isn't a 5minute wonder it's been a couple of years. I think you should go, with or without the kids, they could come to visit you weekends and holidays, but how long would it be before they realised that life without you isn't all that rosie and decided to move for good.
If you don't go, think forward 10 or 15yrs when the kids may have left home and you're there alone 'cos your long distance love was under to much pressure

I'm curious SailorSam, do you have children? I have to say I understand exactly what the OP is saying about not leaving if her kids aren't going with her. Theres no way I'd be contemplating moving away without my child, no way, no how, no matter how devastating it would be for me personally.

SailorSam

No i haven't got kids, but i don't think they should run the OPs life. And i think they'd soon realise which side their bread is buttered. How long will teenage love last, perhaps even before the move that'll be over and the daughter will be glad to go. How often do people move these days when not all the family are behind it, but in the end the final decision has to be the adults.

Oldernotwiser

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

But do you believe that a parent should be prepared to give up their children to move in with a boyfriend they have seen [counts on fingers] roughly 24 times? (once a month for 2 years)

Of course not; she should just take them with her, regardless of the 14 year old's preference..

Gillyx

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Of course not; she should just take them with her, regardless of the 14 year old's preference..

Normally I agree with a lot of what you say, but what about the 14 year olds education? It can take a while to settle into a new school, shouldn't the OP be thinking about that?

balletshoes

SailorSam wrote: »

How often do people move these days when not all the family are behind it, but in the end the final decision has to be the adults.

yep, i agree with that - but in this case the 14-year old doesn't have to go anywhere - her Dad is happy to have her live with him. And the OP has already said if the 14-year old doesn't move with her, the 10-year old won't move either, he will also want to stay with Dad.

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

she should just take them with her, regardless of the 14 year old's preference..

as I said earlier and above though, its not that straightforward in this case, is it?

Oldernotwiser

Gillyx wrote: »

Normally I agree with a lot of what you say, but what about the 14 year olds education? It can take a while to settle into a new school, shouldn't the OP be thinking about that?

I assumed that she wouldn't be starting GCSEs until September 2012 but if she's in the middle of them now, I'd agree with you and put off the move until 2013.

Oldernotwiser

balletshoes wrote: »

yep, i agree with that - but in this case the 14-year old doesn't have to go anywhere - her Dad is happy to have her live with him. And the OP has already said if the 14-year old doesn't move with her, the 10-year old won't move either, he will also want to stay with Dad.

I didn't think that a young person could make this decision him/herself until the age of 16 and certainly not at 10.

balletshoes

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I didn't think that a young person could make this decision him/herself until the age of 16 and certainly not at 10.

I think at ages 10 and 14, the children's opinions would be taken into account if it got as far as going to court over it. Thats the impression I get from various threads I read here anyway.

jungle_jane

Does the childrens' father know about your plans? Is he equally happy for them to stay with him or for them to go with you? Just thinking that he might actively seek custody of them if you try to force them to go and he is against the whole idea of them living 300 miles away. Especially if DD has told him that she doesn't want to go...